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About Me

Thanks for checking out my site - the entire point is free self-help with agony aunt-style advice on lots of topics. That said, no article (in full or in part) may be reprinted or used without my premission.

I work as a self help expert, life and solutions coach, commentator and writer on sex, relationships, and behaviour and agony aunt.

I hope you'll find the articles & tips useful! I've sorted them into the main areas of: sex, love & relationships, parenting, life coaching, and others.

Please get in touch at 'e-mail me' on my homepage - I'd love to answer every e-mail but as I run my site without assistance and work full-time sadly I can't.

In my work as an agony aunt, solutions coach and writer I've written 14 self-help books, my latest are Sex Academy, How to be a Happy Human and The Emotional Eater's Diet. I'm also...

Read More » occasional broadcaster doing a bit of radio & TV.

For over three years I've had a fortnightly online sex and love advice column for the Sun newspaper - please do visit the Sun online - a new column goes live every other Friday full of top tips on sex and love.

Recently I did a fun project as a regular celebrity news/relationships commentator on a small satellite show and I pop up on different TV programmes as an agony aunt and social commentator like This Morning, BBC Breakfast, Loose Women, Sky News, and the spin off Big Brother programmes.

Since 1997 I've presented radio programmes and was over-the-moon to win a Sony radio award when I was at Heart FM London here I presented shows for five years. I then presented for 4 1/2 years on LBC before going freelance. Since then I've presented and 'guested' on a huge number of BBC regional stations inclduing BBC London, Western regions and Surrey and Sussex.

For two years I had a weekly agony slot on Tom Dunne's show on Dublin Newstalk radio as well as a weekly dream analysis slot on George Lamb's previous BBC 6 Music shows.

I've previously worked as a psychologist getting my doctorate in psychology from a London teaching hospital where I researched how to help parents whose children had emotional and/or behavioural problems. I've done a number of other courses in psychology - my BSc Hons in psychology from a London university, MPhil in psychology from the London teaching hospital I received my PhD from + ad hoc counselling-type and self-improvement/life-coaching courses. I'm a Chartered Research, Teaching & Academic psychologist with the BPS.

I have worked with a number of charities and presently am a patron of Kids in the Middle that advises parents who are breaking up on how to help their children during this difficult time.

It's fun writing a weekly 'Love Doc' page for Miss Independent Woman website - check them out here! And I'm starting a new agony column with the Yummy Mummy website.

I also support the fantastic work of Kevin Healey and to his autism bullying campaign as well as being a founding member of Kids in the Middle - a charity that aims to promote awareness in parents who are breaking up and how this can affect their children.

I'm delighted to support Saying Goodbye a  charity supporting and providing national services for those who have suffered a miscarriage, still birth or early years loss. 

No two days are the same and I enjoy fresh challenges and always look for new things to do having written self-help columns and articles for many websites and magazines.

I hope you find the site helpful - it's packed with tips and advice - and more to come. Keep checking in for updates!

Keep happy, keep hopeful, Dr Pam x

p.s My 'loves' include: anything made of chocolate (I'm a complete chocoholic) + music including artists/bands - off the top of my head  and in a completely random order - Foos, Kings of Leon, Royal Blood, Pulled Apart by Horses, Jack White, Mallory Knox, Bloc Party, XX, The Drums, Wild Beasts, Phoenix, Filthy Dukes, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, the Strokes, The Dead Weather, Them Crooked Vultures, Alabama Shakes, Biffy Clyro, Enter Shakari, MGMT, Band of Horses, Arcade Fire, White Lies, Example, Calvin Harris, Mark Ronson, Black Keys, Plan B, MIA, Tinie Tempah, Tinchy Stryder, Dizzee Rascal, JayZ, plus AWOL Nation, TEED, Wretch 32, Angel, Jay James Picton, Kendrick Lamar, Spector, Wolfgang, Ed Sheeran and Liam Bailey, Ben Howard, plus dubstep Magnetic Man, Modestep, Nero and Katy B + so many more... like poptastic (and sometimes guilty) pleasures like The Sugababes, Girls Aloud, Britney, Take That + great books like anything by John Irving, William Boyd, Robert Harris, and Lionel Shriver + travel including places like Peru, Cuba, Cambodia, Thailand and India + films of all genres + lots of other stuff like going to galleries, the theatre + action sports like water skiing, skiing, paragliding, hiking and I've been a black belt in Shotokan Karate for years but haven't been able to train for a few years due to a major accident (not related to Karate).


I pop up on different TV programmes like This Morning, BBC Breakfast, Big Brother's Little Brother, GMTV, Loose Women and others. I've presented radio programmes since 1997 and won a Sony radio award when I was at Heart 106.2 FM. Think that's the only award I've ever won - I'm not counting a fashion award I won in high school, for creating an entire outfit out of purple, as quite frankly my fashion sense nowadays could be politely described as "eclectic".
I presently do two weekly radio slots - have been doing Wednesdays on George Lamb's BBC 6 Music show for months, but when he moves to weekends in December I'll be doing contributions to his new shows. Tuesdays on Tom Dunne's show on Dublin Newstalk radio as well as lots of freelancing on various stations - popping up weekly on stations around the country.
I've previously worked as a psychologist getting my doctorate in psychology from a London teaching hospital where I researched how to help parents whose children had emotional and/or behavioural problems. I've done a number of other courses in psychology + counselling-type areas.
No two days are the same as quite frankly I have a low boredom threshold - I need fresh challenges and I'm always looking for new things to do.
I write about love, sex, life - and even celebrities' behaviour - for newspapers like The Express, The Sun, The Times and others, magazines like Love it! and Scarlet plus the 'glossies' like Cosmo, Glamour, Red, Now, More, and so on. Check out my new weekly column on and my regular contributions to, as well as the, Men's Health, Orange and GQ websites amongst others. 
I hope you find the site super helpful - it's packed with advice - and more to come. Keep checking in for updates like the little sex tip films I plan plus other interesting things!
Keep happy, Dr Pam x 
p.s My 'loves' include: anything made of chocolate + music including artists/bands (off the top of my head) from Tinchy Stryder, Dizzee Rascal, Kings of Leon, Bloc Party, Wild Beast (v happy to see them on Jools Holland as have never caught them live), Phoenix, Filthy Dukes, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Foo Fighters, and so many more to pop like my guilty pleasures of The Sugababes, Girls Aloud, Take That + great books like anything by John Irving, William Boyd, and Lionel Shriver + travel including places like Peru, Cuba and India + films of all genres + lots of other stuff like going to galleries, the theatre + action sports - I've been a black belt in Shotokan Karate for years but haven't been able to train for a few years due to a major accident (funny enough not related to Karate). And my biggest loves of all are my hubby and two children.
My 'hates' include...well, I might just keep those to myself!



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As vibrators hit the news, here are some things you must know...


Vibrators have now been discussed within the usually more conservative Good Housekeeping pages. This got me thinking about some things you need to know about vibrators and how to maximise your pleasure.

All in time for the long weekend!

Have fun, Pam x

As Celeb Big Brother's Stephanie Davis and Jeremy McConnell hit the press again...


In today's Sun newspaper online I've commented on the ongoing rollercoaster that is Stephanie Davis and Jeremy McConnell. If you're in a destructive love-hate relationship check it out.

Take care, Pamx

With research out about couples who don't communicate well, a few thoughts...


A couple of pieces of research out this week about relationships reinforce some sad truths – many couples are in distress in their relationships, and many couples don't understand each other – they find it hard to decipher even simple things.

It got me thinking of this article I wrote a few years ago...


How To Decipher Male-Female-Speak

Psychologists continue their debate about whether women really do speak that much more than men. One camp showing women speak twice or three times as much and the other camps says there's no significant differences.

I say the real issue is not the volume of speech but what men and women mean when saying something. There's vast differences between the way we use language.

Here's my guide to deciphering some common phrases.

1. At the end of a row saying, "Have it your way, then!"

Men mean: "I give up, I don't have the will to continue this argument!"

Women mean: "I'll find a way to get my way later!"


On being bought a birthday present saying, "Just get me something simple."
Men mean: "Really, a tie or shirt is fine."

Women mean: "It better be something thoughtful and romantic!"


On the topic of drinking saying, "I’m concerned how much you've been drinking lately."

Men mean: "You’re no fun when you drink too much."

Women mean: "You're on a slippery slope to the street corner!"


When discussing sex saying, "We don't have as much time for sex as we used to."

Men mean: "I'm fine with quickies!"

Women mean: "You don't find me attractive anymore."


When discussing where to go on an evening out saying, "You decide."

Men mean: "Further debate will drive me mad!"

Women mean: "As long as it’s not something you know I won’t like!"


On the topic of cooking dinner saying, "Let me show you how I do it."

Men mean: "I'm the Hunter, watch me deal with the “catch”!”

Women mean: "You’re making a complete hash of it!"


2. On breaking-up with someone saying:, "You deserve someone better than me."

Men mean: "I'd rather play the field."
Women mean: "How can I let this boring git down gently?"


3. On spending time with the mother-in-law saying, "You enjoy some time with her on your own."

Men mean: "I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than spend time with your mother!"

Women mean: "She doesn't like me anyway so why should I put up with her?"


4. On seeing their partner struggle to do something saying, "Here, let me help you with that."

Men mean: "Honestly, it's not that hard to work a remote!"

Women mean: “What kind of man are you?”


5. When feeling stressed saying, "I just need a little time to myself."

Men mean: "For pity's sake don't bombard me with questions about what’s making me feel this way!"

Women mean: "Please give me a big, manly hug so I don't feel alone!"


6. After a tough day saying, "I hope we’re having a quiet evening."

Men mean: "I want a quiet evening!"

Women mean: "Let's talk about our days over dinner."


7. About spending time with your best friend saying, "I don't really enjoy Steven’s/Angela's company."

Men mean: "Give me the earplugs up - that woman drones on!"

Women mean: "He's such a bad influence on you!"


8. About doing the weekly shop saying, "No, do take the shopping-list, it’ll help."

Men mean: "Can you just stick to the list and not break the bank?"

Women mean: "Can you please not buy those random brands you do!"


And that's my final word on the subject. But being a woman what I really mean is I have about three other relevant angles I want to add!


Published in The Express Newspaper

Don't make it third time lucky like Eva Longoria, get lucky before the 3rd time around...


As Eva gets married for the third time I wish her the best of luck. But to be truly lucky in love hopefully you can make it work the first or the second time around.

In my Sun newspaper column today I've got some must-know info for you. Especially if you have a repeat pattern of long-term relationships that fall apart.

Happy Monday, Pam x


Is it ever a good idea to let your partner stray? My comments for Good To Know...


What with all the debate about letting partners stray, if you've lost your sex drive, Good To Know got in touch - they wanted my thoughts - I'm sure you can guess what they might be!

Hope you're having a wonderful weekend, Pam x

Looking for summer love? Check my top tips for Little Mistress...


If you're looking for summer love I've got good news for you in my piece for Little Mistress.
Good luck, have fun!

Happy weekend, Pam x


5 things you must know about your sexual desire as Loose Woman Saira Khan gives...


Loose Women's Saira Khan has said she'll give her husband permission to sleep with someone else since she's lost interest in sex. No, a 1000 times no!

In my Sun newspaper online column I'll fill you in on sexual desire - the red flags that lead to lack of desire and some tips to re-boost it.

Take care, Pam x

Hotheaded? Temper get you in trouble? Like Cara Delevigne?


After reading how model and actress Cara Delevigne lost her temper at Eurostar customs, I wrote the piece full of tips for my Sun newspaper column.

Check out the 6 signs you've got an anger issue and what to do about it.

These problems need sorting out, Pam x

Calling all parents – are you searching high and low for your sex life?


In my Sun newspaper online column today I've decided to tackle that age-old dilemma of parents gaining a baby but losing their sex life.

Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes have just had baby number 2 and it got me thinking about how even a Hollywood couple like them might be struggling for energy in the bedroom.

Here are some top tips for you parents.

Enjoy your weekend, Pam x 

Dilemmas, dilemmas, dilemmas in my magazine column...


No two problems are alike. Proof of this is my Magnet magazine column this month.

Can't keep up in bed? Drama Queen? Competitive colleague? Then please check out the link (It takes a few moments to open)

Lots of love, Pam x


THE LAWS OF SISTERHOOD - The girlfriends’ guide to successful dating and finding the one

I’m excited that my new book ‘THE LAWS OF SISTERHOOD - The girlfriends’ guide to successful dating and finding the one is available to preorder on Amazon.

I hope you find it a unique guide that emphasises how single friends can help each other make the most of the dating scene. As well as containing a vast array of tips and techniques to help you to dating success - everything from the first date, online dating, the signals he gives out through different behaviours, and how to improve your own signals are included.

“Pam’s dating book is inspired and will make you a much more attractive and confident date” Jo Hemmings, Behavioural psychologist and author


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The Emotional Eater's Diet

My new book The Emotional Eater's Diet is published in the UK on May 15 - I’m very excited as I hope emotional eaters - women or men will find it helpful. Each year 2/3s of people start a diet and 20% start a new diet each month. Yet 95% of diets aren’t successful.

I firmly believe that emotional eating to soothe difficult feelings is the culprit behind most of this failure. My book has a huge range of practical tips/strategies to help understand your emotions and manage your appetite. There are mini-quizes and real case studies.

It’s available to preorder on Amazon. Please remember that food can fuel your energy needs but not your emotional needs. Take care!

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Sex Academy - Essential Lessons in Seduction & Spectacular Sex

I'm delighted that my latest book Sex Academy was endorsed by my fellow self-help author Siski Green who said: "Sex Academy really is THE Bible of sex books. The lessons and lectures cover the A-Z of everything you want to know - from Anal sex to getting Zero sex." I hope you enjoy it!

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How to be a Happy Human - Ten Essential Principles to Change Your Life!

I was so excited and HAPPY to write this book on happiness covering my 10 unique Happiness Principles. I hope it helps increase your well-being, contentment, and happiness. I've packed it with dozens and dozens of easy-to-use strategies, plus life-changing insights. Based on about five years of collecting case studies and research I hope you'll find it helpful.

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Steamy Sex - The Sex Doctor's Answers For Keeping It Hot

My latest sex guide's out - I've gone through thousands of questions people ask me about sex - from why they don't feel desire to how to handle a partner's kinky fetish. Here are the answers plus loads of tricks and techniques. Enjoy!

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Sex Dreams & Symbols

Discover the relationship between your dreams and your sex- and love-life! Go on a journey of self-discovery in this unique dream book. Case studies, a dream directory, and ‘dreamersises’ help you interpret your dreams.

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Sizzling Sex - The Sex Doctor's 250 Hottest Tips, Tricks, and Techniques

My research found if a couple's been together more than one year it's unlikely you've tried any new sex tip, trick or technique for at least four months! Rescue's at hand with my 250 hottest sex tips for every aspect of your sex life.

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The Dating Survival Guide - Ten Top Tactics For Total Success

Dating. It's a jungle out there. This is the ultimate guide to negotiating your way around the minefield of the dating game. Practical advice, useful tips and insights cover all dating issues to revolutionise your love life!

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The Break-up Survival Kit - Emotional Rescue For The Newly Single!

Relationship breakdown's rife and the emotional fall-out from a break-up is incalculable. Here's emotional rescue for the heartbroken packed with tips, advice, plus practical assistance allowing the broken-hearted to rebuild their lives.

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Fabulous Foreplay - The Sex Doctor's Guide To Teasing & Pleasing Your Lover

No couple or single can be without this unique, best-selling book containing a vast range of techniques, tricks and tips to turn your lover on. From attracting someone new to recharging your old relationship, Fabulous, explores each of the sexual senses in turn!

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Sensational Sex: The Revolutionary Guide To Sexual Pleasure & Fulfilment

No. 1 selling book offering you tons of fantastic sex tips PLUS a new and revolutionary ways of looking at sexual pleasure and ‘problems‘ and how they fit into a person's whole life and relationships.

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Sinful Sex: The Uninhibited Guide to Erotic Pleasure

No. 1 selling sex book covering everything from how your body works to infinite sex tips. The Daily Star said: 'Sinful Sex has something for everyone'

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Your Child's Dreams

A unique parenting book giving you creative techniques to understand your child better through their dreams and nightmares.  These reveal so much about a child that most parents miss out on. Strengthen your parent-child relationship, their confidence and well-being!

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