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About Me

Thanks for checking out my site - the ENTIRE point is FREE self-help with agony aunt-style advice on lots of topics. That said, no article (in full or in part) may be reprinted or used (apart from reading it on this site) without my express premission.

I work as an agony aunt, life and solutions coach, commentator and writer on sex, relationships, and behaviour.

I hope you'll find the articles & tips useful! I've sorted them into the main areas of: sex, love & relationships, parenting, life coaching, and others.

Please get in touch about anything else at 'e-mail me' on my homepage - would love to answer every e-mail but as I run my site without assistance and work full-time sadly I can't. So I select 1 per week to answer on Thursdays.

In my work as an agony aunt, solutions coach and writer I've written 13 self-help books my latest are Sex Academy, How to be a Happy Human and Steamy Sex I'm also...

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...an occasional broadcaster - bit of radio & telly - so a little bit of everything to do with life.

Love having provided lots of sex and love tips in my fortnightly online sex and love advice column for the Sun newspaper that I've been writing for a few years. It was called 'Sex and Love Academy' - and now we've launched a new online column - Dr Pam's Pleasure Zone - please do visit the Sun online and a new column goes live every other Friday from 10th January 2014. It's full of top tips.

Recently I did a fun project as a regular celebrity news/relationships commentator on a small satellite show - fab to have new experiences.

Last summer I presented a series of agony aunt programmes on BBC radio Western regions - it was so much fun - worked with a great team and heard from many lovely people.

Occasionally I pop up on different TV programmes as an agony aunt and social commentator like This Morning, BBC Breakfast, Daybreak, Loose Women, Sky News, the spin off Big Brother programmes and was a regular guest on the Vanessa Show on C5.

Since 1997 I've presented radio programmes and was over-the-moon to win a Sony radio award when I was at Heart 106.2 FM. That's the only award I've ever won - I'm not counting a fashion award I won in high school, for creating an entire outfit out of purple - quite frankly my fashion sense nowadays could be politely described as "eclectic".

For two years I had a weekly agony slot on Tom Dunne's show on Dublin Newstalk radio as well as lots of freelancing on various stations - popping up weekly on stations around the country - and used to do a weekly slot on George Lamb's previous BBC 6 Music shows...Oh George, that was quite an experience!

I've previously worked as a psychologist getting my doctorate in psychology from a London teaching hospital where I researched how to help parents whose children had emotional and/or behavioural problems. I've done a number of other courses in psychology - my BSc Hons in psychology from a London university, MPhil in psychology from the London teaching hospital I received my PhD from + ad hoc counselling-type and self-improvement/life-coaching courses. I'm a Chartered Research, Teaching & Academic psychologist with the BPS.

I have worked with a number of charities and presently am a patron of Kids in the Middle that advises parents who are breaking up on how to help their children during this difficult time.

It's fun writing a weekly 'Love Doc' page for Miss Independent Woman website - check them out here!

I also support the fantastic work of Kevin Healey and to his autism bullying campaign as well as being a founding member of Kids in the Middle - a charity that aims to promote awareness in parents who are breaking up and how this can affect their children.

I'm delighted to support Saying Goodbye a  charity supporting and providing national services for those who have suffered a miscarriage, still birth or early years loss. 

No two days are the same and I enjoy fresh challenges and always look for new things to do. Please check out my weekly agony column on iVillage.co.uk and my regular contributions to MSN.co.uk, as well as the Goodtoknow.co.uk, Men's Health, Orange and GQ websites amongst others.

I hope you find the site helpful - it's packed with tips and advice - and more to come. Keep checking in for updates!

Keep happy, keep hopeful, Dr Pam x

p.s My 'loves' include: anything made of chocolate (I'm a complete chocoholic) + music including artists/bands - off the top of my head  and in a completely random order - Foos, Kings of Leon, Royal Blood, Bloc Party, XX, The Drums, Wild Beasts, Phoenix, Filthy Dukes, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, the Strokes, The Dead Weather, Them Crooked Vultures, Jack White, Alabama Shakes, Biffy Clyro, Enter Shakari, MGMT, Band of Horses, Arcade Fire, White Lies, Example, Calvin Harris, Mark Ronson, Black Keys, Plan B, MIA, Tinie Tempah, Tinchy Stryder, Dizzee Rascal, JayZ, plus newcomers like AWOL Nation, TEED, Wretch 32, Angel, Jay James Picton, Kendrick Lamar, Spector, Wolfgang, Ed Sheeran and Liam Bailey, Ben Howard, plus dubstep Magnetic Man, Modestep, Nero and Katy B + so many more... like the amazingly fab Lady Gaga to poptastic (sometimes guilty) pleasures like The Sugababes, Girls Aloud, Britney, Take That + great books like anything by John Irving, William Boyd, Robert Harris, and Lionel Shriver + travel including places like Peru, Cuba and India + films of all genres + lots of other stuff like going to galleries, the theatre + action sports - I've been a black belt in Shotokan Karate for years but haven't been able to train for a few years due to a major accident (funny enough not related to Karate). And my biggest loves of all are my hubby and children.

My 'hates' include...well, I might just keep those to myself.

I pop up on different TV programmes like This Morning, BBC Breakfast, Big Brother's Little Brother, GMTV, Loose Women and others. I've presented radio programmes since 1997 and won a Sony radio award when I was at Heart 106.2 FM. Think that's the only award I've ever won - I'm not counting a fashion award I won in high school, for creating an entire outfit out of purple, as quite frankly my fashion sense nowadays could be politely described as "eclectic".
I presently do two weekly radio slots - have been doing Wednesdays on George Lamb's BBC 6 Music show for months, but when he moves to weekends in December I'll be doing contributions to his new shows. Tuesdays on Tom Dunne's show on Dublin Newstalk radio as well as lots of freelancing on various stations - popping up weekly on stations around the country.
I've previously worked as a psychologist getting my doctorate in psychology from a London teaching hospital where I researched how to help parents whose children had emotional and/or behavioural problems. I've done a number of other courses in psychology + counselling-type areas.
No two days are the same as quite frankly I have a low boredom threshold - I need fresh challenges and I'm always looking for new things to do.
I write about love, sex, life - and even celebrities' behaviour - for newspapers like The Express, The Sun, The Times and others, magazines like Love it! and Scarlet plus the 'glossies' like Cosmo, Glamour, Red, Now, More, and so on. Check out my new weekly column on iVillage.co.uk and my regular contributions to MSN.co.uk, as well as the Goodtoknow.co.uk, Men's Health, Orange and GQ websites amongst others. 
I hope you find the site super helpful - it's packed with advice - and more to come. Keep checking in for updates like the little sex tip films I plan plus other interesting things!
Keep happy, Dr Pam x 
p.s My 'loves' include: anything made of chocolate + music including artists/bands (off the top of my head) from Tinchy Stryder, Dizzee Rascal, Kings of Leon, Bloc Party, Wild Beast (v happy to see them on Jools Holland as have never caught them live), Phoenix, Filthy Dukes, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Foo Fighters, and so many more to pop like my guilty pleasures of The Sugababes, Girls Aloud, Take That + great books like anything by John Irving, William Boyd, and Lionel Shriver + travel including places like Peru, Cuba and India + films of all genres + lots of other stuff like going to galleries, the theatre + action sports - I've been a black belt in Shotokan Karate for years but haven't been able to train for a few years due to a major accident (funny enough not related to Karate). And my biggest loves of all are my hubby and two children.
My 'hates' include...well, I might just keep those to myself!

 

 

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News

A dilemma about a flatmate being embarrassed by what she was caught doing

23/04/2014

The questions I get asked never surprise me because someone somewhere is going to be upset, worried or even embarrassed about something.

I tackle what one woman finds very embarrassing today in my Miss Independent Woman website Love Doc page this week. She walked in on her flatmate masturbating and now her flatmate’s giving her the cold shoulder.

If you’re in this situation (well, maybe not this exact situation) I hope my tips help.

TODAY’S TIP: Never be surprised if someone feels embarrassed about something by the reaction - which is often one that seems angry or in this case as if they’re giving the cold shoulder. That’s because their embarrassment has made them feel so uncomfortable that it transmits through their behaviour and body language as something angrier.

Embarrassment and humiliation often leave people feeling they don’t quite know what to do about the situation.

A tactful, honest approach is almost always the way forward.

Take care, Pamx

When you take self-help too far

22/04/2014

As a self-help writer I of course believe there are many positive benefits to lots of self-help literature. And I’m looking forward to my next self-help guide coming out in a couple weeks - more details nearer the time!

In today’s Sun newspaper I’ve commented on a story about a young woman who’s taken the self-help books she’s read as a complete guide life rather than cherry picking strategies to use and building on her own strengths. I'm concerned she has taken things too far in living her life from between the pages of a self help book. Here's the link as I think there’s a lesson for everyone who reads self-help in this story.

TODAY’S TIP: My biggest tip is that we can’t live our lives from the pages of a book - self-help advice can be invaluable but ultimately life takes twists and turns and people apply the advice in their own idiosyncratic ways - sometimes more positive, sometimes not so positive.

Let self-help advice be a guide to you and not an absolute given.

Look after yourself, Pamx

Its a fun James Bond theme in my column PLUS a giveaway

18/04/2014

It was reported in the Sun newspaper this week that the beautiful Penelope Cruz might co-star in the next Bond film. So this week in my Sun online column, the Pleasure Zone, I had fun with 00-heaven style sex tips.

Want to guess how many James Bond style puns I got into the column? Take a look here! 

There is also a lovely giveaway from Ann Summers for two lucky readers.

TODAY’S TIP: My tip today is to check out my column for something sizzling things to try over the long four-day weekend… hope you have a lovely one.

Back here on Tuesday, Pamx

A dilemma about ex partners...

17/04/2014

As it’s Thursday it’s what I call 'National Agony Aunt Day' and today I’ve answered a dilemma about 'exes'. Thanks for your emails I wish I could answer each one but that’s impossible as I work full time and run my own site.

I’ve chosen one today from “Dave” who’s unhappy about how much time his girlfriend spends with her ex. Check the advice on the homepage at “dilemma I’ve answered this week” if there's a third party in the shape of the ex in your relationship.

TODAY’S TIP:  the starting point is always working out whether or not their involvement with their ex is justified in any way - like if they had children together.

Don’t put up with being taken forgranted though - hope my tips help.

Take care, Pamx

Celebrity women dating younger men.

16/04/2014

So many people are fascinated by celebrity relationships especially if there’s something a little bit different about the relationship - an age gap being one such difference.

It’s human nature to show interest in other people’s relationships and in today’s Sun newspaper I’ve commented on the many celebrity women who have started dating younger men – often personal trainer types. 

Here's the link for coffee break reading.

TODAY’S TIP: Sometimes our interest in other people’s relationships - celebrity or not – gives us insight into our own relationships. Love is always a dynamic process – we’re always learning about each other - and we can learn from others. So a little bit of interest in the love lives of the rich and famous isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

But interest in others' relationships can turn into 'judgement' about them. For instance if friends or family are passing judgement on your relationship - as many judge the love lives of celebrities - set them straight - if who you're seeing makes you happy then they should be happy for you.

Look after your love life, Pamx

Talking dirty isnt for everyone

14/04/2014

What seems sexy to one person is far from sexy to another. In my Miss Independent Woman website Love Doc page this week I’ve tackled phone sex. He's a soldier so they're part a lot - and he wants to 'talk dirty' and she doesn’t. What’s the solution?  Here's the link with my suggestions - hope they help.

TODAY’S TIP: Always start gradually if you’ve never talked dirty with your partner down the phone. As slow burn is always better than jumping in with loads of really strong chat.

Happy Monday, Pamx

Different levels of sex drive? Please read on...

10/04/2014

Every Thursday I do an agony aunt-style question and answer from the various agony aunt dilemmas I receive. Yesterday I was contacted on Twitter by someone asking about their different level of sex drive from their partner’s.

As this question comes up fairly frequently I’m posting some thoughts and tips on this issue - so please check “dilemma I’ve answered this week” if you're experiencing this.

Best of luck, Pamx

Beware of conline love

09/04/2014

We’ve all read the stories of people who’ve met someone online on a dating or social networking website only to find when they meet up in person that the date is 10 years older, 10 kgs heavier and isn’t the barrel of laughs they proclaimed to be.

But things can be worse and today I’ve commented on a ‘conline’ story in the Sun newspaper.  

TODAY’S TIP: Always take your time and never rush to give away too much of your heart, your money, and your personal 'secrets' when you meet someone online. You don’t want to be conned!

Look after yourself, Pamx

One woman wants to know what is normal when it comes to sex

07/04/2014

Depending on how close we are most of us share certain details about our relationships with friends. And in the dilemma I’ve answered this week for my Miss Independent Woman website ‘Love Doc’ page one woman is concerned her boyfriend doesn’t want enough sex. Unfortunately she's comparng him to her friend's boyfriend. If you're in that situation please do take a look at the link.

TODAY’S TIP: there is so much pressure on couples to live up to what they think others are doing when really all they need to do is please themselves. Don’t put yourself under this kind of pressure, do what works for you two when it comes to sex - including the frequency of how often you have sex.

Take care of each other, Pamx

Staying together after an affair things might be hard to get back on track & GIVEAWAY!!

04/04/2014

As an agony aunt you can imagine I get so many emails about affairs and for those on the outside looking in many think why would you go back with someone who cheated on you?

But relationship research from a couple years ago found that about 60% of couples stay together and try to make it work.

There are many things that present hurdles without even mentioning the hurt and pain the person who’s been cheated on have to get over. But as a couple moves forward sex will be back on the agenda yet many feel bit wary of getting their sex life back on track.

In my fortnightly Pleasure Zone column in the Sun newspaper online I’ve given a few tips for starting slowly back in the bedroom… but then revving it up to lots of fun. 

I’ll post the link here when it goes live on their website later. I hope the advice is helpful and good luck with the fab Ann Summers giveaway - two lucky readers will get a sizzling gift.

TODAY’S TIP: as I’ve just mentioned take it slowly with sex is crucial if you’re trying to heal your relationship. More than ever you need honesty and let your partner know if you have to take it slowly and don’t want to rush things.

Take care of yourself, Pamx

Books

Sex Academy - Essential Lessons in Seduction & Spectacular Sex

I'm delighted that my latest book Sex Academy was endorsed by my fellow self-help author Siski Green who said: "Sex Academy really is THE Bible of sex books. The lessons and lectures cover the A-Z of everything you want to know - from Anal sex to getting Zero sex." I hope you enjoy it!


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How to be a Happy Human - Ten Essential Principles to Change Your Life!

I was so excited and HAPPY to write this book on happiness covering my 10 unique Happiness Principles. I hope it helps increase your well-being, contentment, and happiness. I've packed it with dozens and dozens of easy-to-use strategies, plus life-changing insights. Based on about five years of collecting case studies and research I hope you'll find it helpful.


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Steamy Sex - The Sex Doctor's Answers For Keeping It Hot

My latest sex guide's out - I've gone through thousands of questions people ask me about sex - from why they don't feel desire to how to handle a partner's kinky fetish. Here are the answers plus loads of tricks and techniques. Enjoy!


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Sex Dreams & Symbols

Discover the relationship between your dreams and your sex- and love-life! Go on a journey of self-discovery in this unique dream book. Case studies, a dream directory, and ‘dreamersises’ help you interpret your dreams.


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Sizzling Sex - The Sex Doctor's 250 Hottest Tips, Tricks, and Techniques

My research found if a couple's been together more than one year it's unlikely you've tried any new sex tip, trick or technique for at least four months! Rescue's at hand with my 250 hottest sex tips for every aspect of your sex life.


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The Dating Survival Guide - Ten Top Tactics For Total Success

Dating. It's a jungle out there. This is the ultimate guide to negotiating your way around the minefield of the dating game. Practical advice, useful tips and insights cover all dating issues to revolutionise your love life!

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The Break-up Survival Kit - Emotional Rescue For The Newly Single!

Relationship breakdown's rife and the emotional fall-out from a break-up is incalculable. Here's emotional rescue for the heartbroken packed with tips, advice, plus practical assistance allowing the broken-hearted to rebuild their lives.

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Fabulous Foreplay - The Sex Doctor's Guide To Teasing & Pleasing Your Lover

No couple or single can be without this unique, best-selling book containing a vast range of techniques, tricks and tips to turn your lover on. From attracting someone new to recharging your old relationship, Fabulous, explores each of the sexual senses in turn!


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Sensational Sex: The Revolutionary Guide To Sexual Pleasure & Fulfilment

No. 1 selling book offering you tons of fantastic sex tips PLUS a new and revolutionary ways of looking at sexual pleasure and ‘problems‘ and how they fit into a person's whole life and relationships.


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Sinful Sex: The Uninhibited Guide to Erotic Pleasure

No. 1 selling sex book covering everything from how your body works to infinite sex tips. The Daily Star said: 'Sinful Sex has something for everyone'


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Your Child's Dreams

A unique parenting book giving you creative techniques to understand your child better through their dreams and nightmares.  These reveal so much about a child that most parents miss out on. Strengthen your parent-child relationship, their confidence and well-being!


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