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About Me

Thanks for checking out my site - the entire point is free self-help with agony aunt-style advice on lots of topics. That said, no article (in full or in part) may be reprinted or used without my premission.

I work as a self help expert, life and solutions coach, commentator and writer on sex, relationships, and behaviour and agony aunt.

I hope you'll find the articles & tips useful! I've sorted them into the main areas of: sex, love & relationships, parenting, life coaching, and others.

Please get in touch at 'e-mail me' on my homepage - I'd love to answer every e-mail but as I run my site without assistance and work full-time sadly I can't.

In my work as an agony aunt, solutions coach and writer I've written 14 self-help books, my latest are Sex Academy, How to be a Happy Human and The Emotional Eater's Diet. I'm also...

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...an occasional broadcaster doing a bit of radio & TV.

For over three years I've had a fortnightly online sex and love advice column for the Sun newspaper - please do visit the Sun online - a new column goes live every other Friday full of top tips on sex and love.

Recently I did a fun project as a regular celebrity news/relationships commentator on a small satellite show and I pop up on different TV programmes as an agony aunt and social commentator like This Morning, BBC Breakfast, Loose Women, Sky News, and the spin off Big Brother programmes.

Since 1997 I've presented radio programmes and was over-the-moon to win a Sony radio award when I was at Heart FM London here I presented shows for five years. I then presented for 4 1/2 years on LBC before going freelance. Since then I've presented and 'guested' on a huge number of BBC regional stations inclduing BBC London, Western regions and Surrey and Sussex.

For two years I had a weekly agony slot on Tom Dunne's show on Dublin Newstalk radio as well as a weekly dream analysis slot on George Lamb's previous BBC 6 Music shows.

I've previously worked as a psychologist getting my doctorate in psychology from a London teaching hospital where I researched how to help parents whose children had emotional and/or behavioural problems. I've done a number of other courses in psychology - my BSc Hons in psychology from a London university, MPhil in psychology from the London teaching hospital I received my PhD from + ad hoc counselling-type and self-improvement/life-coaching courses. I'm a Chartered Research, Teaching & Academic psychologist with the BPS.

I have worked with a number of charities and presently am a patron of Kids in the Middle that advises parents who are breaking up on how to help their children during this difficult time.

It's fun writing a weekly 'Love Doc' page for Miss Independent Woman website - check them out here! And I'm starting a new agony column with the Yummy Mummy website.

I also support the fantastic work of Kevin Healey and to his autism bullying campaign as well as being a founding member of Kids in the Middle - a charity that aims to promote awareness in parents who are breaking up and how this can affect their children.

I'm delighted to support Saying Goodbye a  charity supporting and providing national services for those who have suffered a miscarriage, still birth or early years loss. 

No two days are the same and I enjoy fresh challenges and always look for new things to do having written self-help columns and articles for many websites and magazines.

I hope you find the site helpful - it's packed with tips and advice - and more to come. Keep checking in for updates!

Keep happy, keep hopeful, Dr Pam x

p.s My 'loves' include: anything made of chocolate (I'm a complete chocoholic) + music including artists/bands - off the top of my head  and in a completely random order - Foos, Kings of Leon, Royal Blood, Pulled Apart by Horses, Jack White, Mallory Knox, Bloc Party, XX, The Drums, Wild Beasts, Phoenix, Filthy Dukes, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, the Strokes, The Dead Weather, Them Crooked Vultures, Alabama Shakes, Biffy Clyro, Enter Shakari, MGMT, Band of Horses, Arcade Fire, White Lies, Example, Calvin Harris, Mark Ronson, Black Keys, Plan B, MIA, Tinie Tempah, Tinchy Stryder, Dizzee Rascal, JayZ, plus AWOL Nation, TEED, Wretch 32, Angel, Jay James Picton, Kendrick Lamar, Spector, Wolfgang, Ed Sheeran and Liam Bailey, Ben Howard, plus dubstep Magnetic Man, Modestep, Nero and Katy B + so many more... like poptastic (and sometimes guilty) pleasures like The Sugababes, Girls Aloud, Britney, Take That + great books like anything by John Irving, William Boyd, Robert Harris, and Lionel Shriver + travel including places like Peru, Cuba, Cambodia, Thailand and India + films of all genres + lots of other stuff like going to galleries, the theatre + action sports like water skiing, skiing, paragliding, hiking and I've been a black belt in Shotokan Karate for years but haven't been able to train for a few years due to a major accident (not related to Karate).

 

I pop up on different TV programmes like This Morning, BBC Breakfast, Big Brother's Little Brother, GMTV, Loose Women and others. I've presented radio programmes since 1997 and won a Sony radio award when I was at Heart 106.2 FM. Think that's the only award I've ever won - I'm not counting a fashion award I won in high school, for creating an entire outfit out of purple, as quite frankly my fashion sense nowadays could be politely described as "eclectic".
I presently do two weekly radio slots - have been doing Wednesdays on George Lamb's BBC 6 Music show for months, but when he moves to weekends in December I'll be doing contributions to his new shows. Tuesdays on Tom Dunne's show on Dublin Newstalk radio as well as lots of freelancing on various stations - popping up weekly on stations around the country.
I've previously worked as a psychologist getting my doctorate in psychology from a London teaching hospital where I researched how to help parents whose children had emotional and/or behavioural problems. I've done a number of other courses in psychology + counselling-type areas.
No two days are the same as quite frankly I have a low boredom threshold - I need fresh challenges and I'm always looking for new things to do.
I write about love, sex, life - and even celebrities' behaviour - for newspapers like The Express, The Sun, The Times and others, magazines like Love it! and Scarlet plus the 'glossies' like Cosmo, Glamour, Red, Now, More, and so on. Check out my new weekly column on iVillage.co.uk and my regular contributions to MSN.co.uk, as well as the Goodtoknow.co.uk, Men's Health, Orange and GQ websites amongst others. 
I hope you find the site super helpful - it's packed with advice - and more to come. Keep checking in for updates like the little sex tip films I plan plus other interesting things!
Keep happy, Dr Pam x 
p.s My 'loves' include: anything made of chocolate + music including artists/bands (off the top of my head) from Tinchy Stryder, Dizzee Rascal, Kings of Leon, Bloc Party, Wild Beast (v happy to see them on Jools Holland as have never caught them live), Phoenix, Filthy Dukes, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Foo Fighters, and so many more to pop like my guilty pleasures of The Sugababes, Girls Aloud, Take That + great books like anything by John Irving, William Boyd, and Lionel Shriver + travel including places like Peru, Cuba and India + films of all genres + lots of other stuff like going to galleries, the theatre + action sports - I've been a black belt in Shotokan Karate for years but haven't been able to train for a few years due to a major accident (funny enough not related to Karate). And my biggest loves of all are my hubby and two children.
My 'hates' include...well, I might just keep those to myself!

 

 

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News

As Zoe Ball and Norman Cook break up again, some thoughts...

26/09/2016

In today's I've commented on Zoe and Norman's breakup. Evidently it's amicable which is wonderful for the children's sake. But it flags up the issues other couples might face if one or other – or both – have struggled with alcohol or substance issues.

Here's the story and comment in the Mirror.

If you're struggling with such issues:

*It's crucial to come clean to yourself, and also loved ones, that you’re on a downward spiral and are trying to rectify this.

*Live strictly one-day-at-a-time - making the best of each day, managing yuor issue/s for that dway only - so you're not daunted by what could seem an impossible challenge to change your life 'forever'.

*Become aware of what ‘triggers’ send you reaching for the bottle/substances. Triggers range from feeling bad about yourself because of the way, e.g., a partner or boss treats you, to becoming overstressed, or many other potential triggers.

*See your GP about potential depression, anxiety, and if counselling is offered.

*Your behaviour’s likely to go hand-in-hand with obsessive and other addictive behaviours so keep a diary of your behaviours that potentially damage you. This’ll give a clearer picture of what your destructive behaviour.

*Get support from a relevant 12 step programme.

*Enlist a ‘crisis buddy’ - someone trustworthy - that you can call when you feel you’re slipping.


Take care of yourself, Pam x

Can you trust that cheat that you're now in a relationship with?

22/09/2016

So he (or maybe she) was in a relationship, they met you, had an affair with you, and then left their partner for you.
 
Now you're in a full on relationship together. But can you trust them? Will they do the same to you and cheat on you?

Check out the dos and don'ts of having a relationship with a cheat in my latest Sun newspaper column.

Go in with your eyes wide open – and keep them open!

Look after yourself, Pam x

As Brangelina split, crucial tips for parents who are breaking up...

21/09/2016

The children of parents who are breaking up are on my mind right now with Brad and Angelina going separate ways. I’m not going to comment on them here except to say I’m surprised when I see people saying they are “so sad” about it. Really? Have they bought into the Hollywood hype that this was the perfect couple?

Let’s not forget A-listers are notorious for their super-sized egos and wanting to do things their way. So compromise – a valuable ingredient to a successful relationship - usually isn’t in their vocabulary.

But back to the all-important children. Here are tips you need to follow if you’re breaking up.

First and foremost always keep in mind if you try and ‘damage’ your ex - directly or indirectly - you only end up damaging your children in some way. A damaged parent is a parent who can’t fully be a parent.

*Never forget your children are ‘emotional sponges’. They’ll absorb any acrimony between you.

*Do you let them know what’s happening particularly with practical matters like one parent (usually the father) moving out.

*Emphasise the good that can come from new arrangements like having ‘special time’ with each parent.

*Give them age-appropriate information. You know them best and can judge what they can cope with knowing. Never give details of personal difficulties between you two. Instead keep it general that "mummy and daddy don't get along anymore." Impress upon them that their well-being’s most important to you both.

*Always stress the break up is not your children's fault. Children often harbour feelings that they've behaved badly and it's affected mum and dad's relationship.

*Resist any urge to criticise your ex-partner in front of your children. This is particularly hurtful to them.

*Definitely seek out mediation services like National Family Mediation (nfm.org.uk). These can offer a safe place to negotiate your differences.

*During and after the breakup agree contact with each other: the form it takes - by phone and/or in person - and how often it occurs. Agreeing such ground rules gives clarity when you both feel upset.

*Be clear when one of you oversteps the mark. Don't let your boundaries slip in the volatile post-breakup months as they’ll be more difficult to reinstate.

*Treat your partner’s feelings considerately without giving false hope of a possible reunion. This is a delicate balancing act with an ex-partner who didn't want the breakup. Rise above their animosity. be the better person - it counts with your children!

*Do lean on friends/family for support as you recover from the breakup. Hiding your heartbreak can only make it worse.

*Face each day as it comes - some days you'll be upbeat, thinking you're over the worst, only to be hit by a bad day. Don't let it shake your confidence!

*Focus on the ‘new life’ that’s yours to have - you can do things that your Ex didn't want to, and there’s no longer friction/upset in your life.

*When ready, enjoy some dating but look for fun and friendship rather than plunging into a rebound relationship. Research shows 90% of these come unstuck.

*Finally, with the best will in the world if you’re at odds with a very angry partner it may be hard to have anything but an acrimonious divorce. The best you can do is keep trying to do the best you can do!

Dilemmas, dilemmas, dilemmas... and advice in my September Magnet column...

20/09/2016

Each month brings a new set of dilemmas. This month I've tackled jealousy, adoption dilemma & a non-existent sex life in my Magnet magazine column.

If any of these issues resonate with you, please check out the advice. Please bear in mind this link to a few seconds to open.

Take care of yourself, Pam x

As some of the X Factor contestants romp, some 'sex-factor' tips for you...

19/09/2016

It's reported in today's Sun newspaper that things got steamy at the boot camp celebrations. Got me thinking of the things you mustn't do if you want the 'sex factor' in your life.

Check these 'don't dos' out.

Have fun, Pam x

Is Renee Zellweger finally lucky in love?

18/09/2016

It seemed Renee was doomed to be too much like Bridget Jones...unlucky in love. I've commented in the Daily Mirror about why I think her relationship of the last two years may be the one that gives her lasting love.

I always love a happy ending! Pam x

5 fantastic positions for curvy women...

18/09/2016

Unfortunately in my line of work I hear from lots of amazing curvy women who are embarrassed in the bedroom about their bodies. It's important to embrace yourself and enjoy a good sex life.

In my Sun newspaper online column I've tackled this and here are some bedroom confidence tips plus 5 fantastic positions.

Enjoy, Pam x

6 signs she's attracted to your boyfriend...

18/09/2016

Oh dear, it's an age-old problem when a friend's attracted to your boyfriend.

In my Sun newspaper online column I've got some signs for you to check out – either to confirm your fears or put them to rest.

Plus a few tips for handling a friend in this situation.

Take care, Pam x
 

7 signs you're dating a mummy's boy...

02/09/2016

So many celebrity men are pictured taking their mothers to red carpet events it got me thinking about how many women I've met who have ended up with mummy's boys.

In my column in the Sun newspaper online today I've got 7 signs for you to check out that you might have met a mummy's boy. No fear, there are tips to turn it around.

Take care, Pam x p.s. I'm off to Florida for an adventure and hoping all are well and Hermine has passed through x

Want your ex back like Paolo Nutini did? Here are 6 tips to try...

31/08/2016

Rocker Paolo Nutini was in the Sun newspaper having got back with his ex-girlfriend model Amber Anderson.

Like Paolo, so many people regret a breakup, they want their ex back in their arms! So in my latest Sun online column I've got some subtle and not-so-subtle tips for you to try.

Good luck! Pam x

Books

THE LAWS OF SISTERHOOD - The girlfriends’ guide to successful dating and finding the one

I’m excited that my new book ‘THE LAWS OF SISTERHOOD - The girlfriends’ guide to successful dating and finding the one is available to preorder on Amazon.

I hope you find it a unique guide that emphasises how single friends can help each other make the most of the dating scene. As well as containing a vast array of tips and techniques to help you to dating success - everything from the first date, online dating, the signals he gives out through different behaviours, and how to improve your own signals are included.

“Pam’s dating book is inspired and will make you a much more attractive and confident date” Jo Hemmings, Behavioural psychologist and author


 


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The Emotional Eater's Diet

My new book The Emotional Eater's Diet is published in the UK on May 15 - I’m very excited as I hope emotional eaters - women or men will find it helpful. Each year 2/3s of people start a diet and 20% start a new diet each month. Yet 95% of diets aren’t successful.

I firmly believe that emotional eating to soothe difficult feelings is the culprit behind most of this failure. My book has a huge range of practical tips/strategies to help understand your emotions and manage your appetite. There are mini-quizes and real case studies.

It’s available to preorder on Amazon. Please remember that food can fuel your energy needs but not your emotional needs. Take care!


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Sex Academy - Essential Lessons in Seduction & Spectacular Sex

I'm delighted that my latest book Sex Academy was endorsed by my fellow self-help author Siski Green who said: "Sex Academy really is THE Bible of sex books. The lessons and lectures cover the A-Z of everything you want to know - from Anal sex to getting Zero sex." I hope you enjoy it!


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How to be a Happy Human - Ten Essential Principles to Change Your Life!

I was so excited and HAPPY to write this book on happiness covering my 10 unique Happiness Principles. I hope it helps increase your well-being, contentment, and happiness. I've packed it with dozens and dozens of easy-to-use strategies, plus life-changing insights. Based on about five years of collecting case studies and research I hope you'll find it helpful.


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Steamy Sex - The Sex Doctor's Answers For Keeping It Hot

My latest sex guide's out - I've gone through thousands of questions people ask me about sex - from why they don't feel desire to how to handle a partner's kinky fetish. Here are the answers plus loads of tricks and techniques. Enjoy!


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Sex Dreams & Symbols

Discover the relationship between your dreams and your sex- and love-life! Go on a journey of self-discovery in this unique dream book. Case studies, a dream directory, and ‘dreamersises’ help you interpret your dreams.


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Sizzling Sex - The Sex Doctor's 250 Hottest Tips, Tricks, and Techniques

My research found if a couple's been together more than one year it's unlikely you've tried any new sex tip, trick or technique for at least four months! Rescue's at hand with my 250 hottest sex tips for every aspect of your sex life.


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The Dating Survival Guide - Ten Top Tactics For Total Success

Dating. It's a jungle out there. This is the ultimate guide to negotiating your way around the minefield of the dating game. Practical advice, useful tips and insights cover all dating issues to revolutionise your love life!

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The Break-up Survival Kit - Emotional Rescue For The Newly Single!

Relationship breakdown's rife and the emotional fall-out from a break-up is incalculable. Here's emotional rescue for the heartbroken packed with tips, advice, plus practical assistance allowing the broken-hearted to rebuild their lives.

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Fabulous Foreplay - The Sex Doctor's Guide To Teasing & Pleasing Your Lover

No couple or single can be without this unique, best-selling book containing a vast range of techniques, tricks and tips to turn your lover on. From attracting someone new to recharging your old relationship, Fabulous, explores each of the sexual senses in turn!


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Sensational Sex: The Revolutionary Guide To Sexual Pleasure & Fulfilment

No. 1 selling book offering you tons of fantastic sex tips PLUS a new and revolutionary ways of looking at sexual pleasure and ‘problems‘ and how they fit into a person's whole life and relationships.


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Sinful Sex: The Uninhibited Guide to Erotic Pleasure

No. 1 selling sex book covering everything from how your body works to infinite sex tips. The Daily Star said: 'Sinful Sex has something for everyone'


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Your Child's Dreams

A unique parenting book giving you creative techniques to understand your child better through their dreams and nightmares.  These reveal so much about a child that most parents miss out on. Strengthen your parent-child relationship, their confidence and well-being!


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