Sexsomnia, celeb couples that dress alike...

27/01/2012

Couples are becoming more open about sexsomnia - thankfully pretty rare as it's a serious and disturbing condition where you start sexual activity when you're asleep. You might think it's a joke but it's not.

In today's Sun newspaper I've commented on one couple’s story - they've got good communication but they need to get his sexsomnia sorted out. Their story's on page 29 -s fascinating but serious.

Later today on MSN UK’s Her channel my article about celebrity couples sharing the same styles goes live - it's a fun piece about some top celeb couples who've been snapped looking like twins - check-a-look over the weekend if you like celebs, fashion and relationships... all rolled into one.

A few years back I was out jogging in the local park with my better half - suddenly we both realised something wasn't quite right - we were both running in black jogging bottoms with white stripes down the sides and green sweatshirts we’d been given by a family member.

It was an "oh no" kind of moment - we looked like we're trying to be twins! Can be sweet when couples dress alike....but usually it's a bit naff.

TODAY’S TIP: I hope you haven't but if your partner or you is experiencing sexsomnia don't get freaked out about it. Keep calm and get a referral from your GP to a sleep expert that specializes in this and/or psychosexual counsellor.

It can go on for years if left untreated. Your partner might feel completely vulnerable and disrespected.

Don't let this spoilt your relationship.

Happy Friday, Pam x ps Spector are getting me in the mood for the weekend

Early babies, minding your own business...

26/01/2012

Amanda Holden’s given birth a month early in such traumatic circumstances but happily to a healthy baby daughter. I wish her and any mother who's gone through a difficult birth the speediest recovery. It's extraordinary when she was looking so well just before she went into hospital.

One of my children was born a month early and it can lead to complications. I was lucky not to have any complications but my precious son needed five days of white-light treatment in-hospital and many months of careful feeding and thankfully everything was right as rain.

Over to the Celebrity Big Brother house - how have the 'evil' Twins managed to stay in?! Who's voting for them?

It's Thursday so I've just posted a new "your e-mail of the week" - check-a-look if you're thinking about sticking your nose in a friend's business. And get in touch with your dilemma - sadly I can only choose one a week - but thanks for everyone's e-mails!!

TODAY’S TIP: When you're tempted to give your opinion on a personal matter stop yourself and think long and hard.

Definitely reverse the tables and think how you'd feel if someone was putting their oar in about a situation with you.

Always proceed with caution because no matter how much you love and care for that person lots of 'fallings out' happen because of someone not minding their business.

Of course if a friend's in an abusive relationship you've got to keep trying to help them get out...but that's an extreme case.

Look out for each other but do treat friends as if they're an adult you can sort things out.

Take care, Pam x

All sorts can affect your sexual interest, debt problems...

25/01/2012

Tunes alert - loving the Maccabees new album - Given to the Wild - worth a listen!

I mentioned bereavement last week and if you're part of a couple - and one of you has lost someone close to you - it might affect your relationship in unexpected ways. I've tackled this in my Love Clinic on iVillage UK that goes live today - check-a-look if bereavement is affecting your sexual relationship with your partner.

Saw ‘Margin Call’ with Jeremy Irons playing a fairly ‘evil’ sociopathic Wall Street boss. Kevin Spacey did an excellent job as his subordinate who seemed to have a better grasp of the bigger picture.

Found it taut as the merchant bank collapsed around their ears - but as with many recent films it could’ve been edited down. What is it with lazy editing in recent years??

TODAY’S TIP: have had even more e-mails about having gone into debt since Christmas.

I'll say this again - please, please, please don't ignore letters from the people you owe money to! They won't simply disappear just because you've hidden them in the back of a drawer.

Get on to these companies now and arrange make payments you can afford.

And to Jen who's worried her husband finding out about her big credit card debt - you have to face him with it. Yes it might be tough when he first finds out and you might have to deal with lots of anger - but the calm will come after the storm and you two can work together sorting this mess out.

Wishing you and everyone else with debt problems the best of luck, Pam x

Too good OR not good enough for them, families under fire...

24/01/2012

We hope to be equally matched in a relationship but it doesn't always happen. Sometimes we "date up" – seeing someone who seems out of our league. And sometimes we “date down”. I think these phrases are pretty harsh but if you’re a man wondering about these issues take my quick quiz that's now live on MSN UK - the Him Channel.

Watched George Clooney in The Descendents - he was fantastic - not surprised he won the Golden Globe for best actor. He was so believable as a man facing a huge dilemma mixed up with personal heartache and ethical choices... his family was under fire.

Don't want to give it away but if you like gorgeous George and you like stories full of heartache you'll probably like this film.

TODAY’S TIP: Families are so complicated - and the problems that go with them are complex. Sometimes you have to get pragmatic and think about what works best for those you care most about.

Particularly if you come from a big family you have to take the attitude that you can't please everyone all the time. BUT you CAN be respectful even if you feel you can't accommodate someone's wishes or you have to do something your way.

You always make family relations go smoother if you simply show respect, let them know you care, and then say you've thought things through and you're going to do it your way.

Take care of yourself, Pam x

Ghoulishness, celebrity breakups...

23/01/2012

What is it about human nature and wanting to see an accident scene - evidently there are loads of daytrippers going to the ferry disaster site - too ghoulish. As if we don't see enough of the wreckage-details on all the news reports!

More celebrity breakups – Tulisa and Fazer of NDubz are over and Heidi Klum and Seal are splitting or on some sort of major break from each other. They looked like one of the happiest couples in showbiz.

And another Heidi is heartbroken - Heidi Range of the Sugababes (she looked amazing in gold for Dancing on Ice) and DJ-presenter Dave Berry also called time.

Then there's Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis... not that the Depp-worshipping brigade will be losing sleep over that breakup.

It's that time of year where so many couples fall apart (though Johnny and Vanessa have evidently been apart for awhile) - the run-up to Christmas, over Christmas and New Year's is supposed to be a happy time but it actually heaps strain on relationships already at breaking point.

Have had a few people ask me for my chocolate chip and walnut meringue recipe - if I have time this week I'll post it... they're almost all gone!

TODAY’S TIP: back to breaking up... if you two are calling time then why not have a cooling off period instead of finishing for good?

Maybe with a little bit of time apart, some 'thinking-space' and trying to remember why you two love with each other originally might just work a little bit of magic.

I'd be rich if I had a £1 for every couple who told me six months after a breakup they wished they'd worked a little bit harder at saving things.

The grass out there isn't necessarily greener!

Think hard and good luck, Pam x

Sweet treats to shame...

21/01/2012

Happy Saturday!

Mark Wahlberg's a fine actor but he should keep his mouth shut when it comes to 9/11 - thank goodness he gave a heartfelt apology to those he offended saying he wouldn't have let one of those airplanes come down if he'd been on board.

Thinking of actors seeing an interview with Chris O'Dowd in today's Sun - you just know you'd want to have dinner with him. I'm not surprised he's now rated as a sex symbol...I'm sure he could laugh plenty of women into bed.

Can't believe Natalie Cassidy was evicted from Celeb Big Brother last night! She was fab - how could Frankie or the 'evil' Playboy twins stay in and she gets the boot?? So wrong...who'll keep Michael and Denise from tearing strips off each other?

Making my own version of "Eton mess “ for dessert tonight for pals - the best part of the meal!

There won't be any fruit in sight as I'm a complete chocoholic [fruit in desserts?? Chocolate is way better!] I'm going to make meringues chock-full of plain chocolate chips, pecans and walnuts - then I'm going to layer these with organic vanilla ice cream and my own hot fudge sauce... got to get the meringues in the oven.

Forgot to mention I saw Steve Mcqueen's film Shame starring Michael Fassbender as sex addict "Brandon" - certainly don't have a problem with Michael Fassbender's performance but I do have a problem with the way his character was written.

They've taken a much misunderstood condition of sex addiction and complicated the whole thing by making Brandon a completely unsympathetic character that you just don't care about. And as he's single peeps will think "Well, he can sleep with who he wants to as he's only hurting himself".

Far removed from people who are desperate about their addiction devastating their relationship and hurting the person they care about. 

It was also complicated by him having a ‘sexualised’ [but not actually sexual] relationship with his younger sister.

This film would've had far more meaning if they'd used a ‘classic’ storyline [not that everybody's experience of sex addiction is similar] that made the character more sympathetic.

I fear this'll only fuel the naivety of those who think it's not an addiction and it's just about someone going out and shagging a lot.

TODAY’S TIP: if you're having sex lots of people and the excitement and pleasure is wearing off you've got to question your behaviour today.

Don't let this get into an addictive cycle.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend, Pam x

When you have different levels of sex drive ...

20/01/2012

Lovin' that SBTRKT's getting some airplay - he is so cool - check out his tunes - recommended him back in the summer.

Have you got a different level of sex drive to your partner? No real surprises there - you might love your partner but you prefer to eat different foods, have different friends, and have different sexual appetites.

For advice on this issue my Sex & Love Academy online column on the Sun newspaper website has gone live today.

Every fortnight I tackle the dilemmas that affect your sex life and relationship.

TODAY’S TIP: rather than getting stressed out at a partner who wants more - or less - sex than you do - wondering if you're really "meant to be" because of the sexual differences - take a matter-of-fact attitude and keep calm.

You may well have a fab relationship - and differences in sex drive can always be tackled - so don't let it destroy an otherwise good thing.

Be tactful and find a compromise - and check-a-look at my online column for lots of advice.

Happy weekend, Pam x ps planning to poison a few friends with a roast dinner tomorrow night but thankfully friends are having us over tonight... and they're far better cooks then we are, yay, some lovely food and company - and we don't have to wash up!

The sad turns in life, when you're worried a partner has a hidden secret...

19/01/2012

Is there someone you've been thinking about getting in touch? Has "I must find time to ring, text or e-mail them," been playing on your mind?

Just do it as the saying goes!

Life brings unexpected turns - some turns are 'gifts' and happy events but some are grief-laden events - so please make sure those around you know you love them.

This is from the heart as we had very sad news yesterday in my extended family with an unexpected death. This person was a special, unique and much loved who was only just with us for a week at Christmas as they alway were.

We knew things weren't right - and getting worse - but this was still a shock.

Don't take people for granted - I know in the next day or two I'll make sure I contact people who've been on my mind... don't put off what you can do today.

Look after yourselves.

As promised I've just posted a new "your e-mail of the week" - it's from Julie who's worried about her boyfriend and her fear he has had a troubled past. Select the “gold star” on my homepage to get in touch or check-a-look.

TODAY’S TIP: if you think a partner is keeping a secret back from you and things are getting more serious between you has nothing wrong with open up conversations about "the difficulties everyone goes through in their life."

Making general statements about "difficulties" can sometimes kickstart a conversation.

Just don't pressure someone who isn't ready to talk.

With love, Pam x

A quickie....

18/01/2012

Can't post properly today but promise to post a new "your e-mail of the week" tomorrow as usual - so do get in touch with your dilemmas or music/book/film suggestions by selecting the gold star on my homepage.

A couple quick comments - appalled listening to the emerging story of the Costa Concordia - the sheer murderous stupidity of the captain as well as the cowardice of him and some of the crew. A friend of a friend was rescued from this terrifying event and I hope those to blame are locked up and the key thrown away.

Over to love - supposedly Rhodri and Natasha Giggs are back together - if you're going to go for a second time around only do so if the previous problems have been sorted and you can commit to changing your behaviour. Otherwise you simply risk more heartache and pain.

Hope you're well and looking at yourself! Back tomorrow, love, Pamx

From ‘bit on the side’ to blow jobs...

17/01/2012

Fab to chat with the gorgeous Emma Willis last night on Big Brother’s It on the Side - mainly about Denise and Michael and why they've had such conflict.We had fun with our special "apparatus" for our chat.

Even if on paper two people might look like they get along - both Denise and Michael are successful actors - the chemistry between you in real life can paint a very different story.

Yay, got tix to see James Corden in One Man, Two Guvnors - has had rave reviews.

Later today on my Love Clinic on iVillage UK I tackle a woman's dilemma about her boyfriend and blow jobs. He's doing the classic moves of just pushing her head in what he sees as the "right" direction - south - she feels very differently!

TODAY’S TIP: the first rule of oral sex is "to give is as good as to receive" - it's a two-way street and you can't expect to get oral sex if you're not going to give it.

Next, be gentle and loving about encouraging your bed-mate to go down on you. Pushing their head [either him pushing her head or vice versa] is just bad manners. Give them some oral first and then ask in sexy tones to have it back.

If they’re still ‘resistant’ you've got to think about personal hygiene and whether yours is good enough down below.

Or is it that they're worried they don't really know how to do it - and just need some gentle suggestions about what works for you.

Have fun, Pam x