Latest From the Blog

Wonder why some people have a fetish for feet, toes, shoes or high heels?

In today's Daily Star I've commented on why so many fetish fans might take an interest in Good Morning Britain's Susanna Reid's feet and shoes.

Check it out here.

Happy foot-frolics x


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Six things you might want to try in bed...

It's Friday, so why not try a few fun sex tips?

All in my Sun newspaper online column.

You don't want to feel like this about sex...

Did I ever let you down? Have a great weekend, Pam x


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What you must NEVER say when your children ask you about the birds and the bees...

After discussing this important topic for parents on The Wright Stuff, I've written my new Sun newspaper online column about it.

I've included the seven things you must never say to your child if they ask you an innocent question about the facts of life. All parents should check this out!

I also include a few tips on preparing for these conversations. They will happen.

Good luck, Pam x


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Why do some people view female paedophiles differently to male abusers?

The Lads' Bible asked me to comment in their article about female paedophiles and why some people view them differently. I was surprised, I didn't know LB tackled such serious topics. Please see the article for my comments.

Male or female it doesn't matter, a vile paedophile is a vile paedophile. I'm not a forensic psychologist and this isn't an area I've studied, but I dearly wish we had stronger punishments for them in our country and more resources to track them down.

Having met people through my work (and on social media) who are adult survivors of childhood abuse, the heartbreaking, terrible legacy lives on with them.

If you experienced abuse please seek support from one of the many helping organisations for adult survivors or see your GP about referral to a specialist counsellor.

Take care of yourself, Pam x


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Always a joy to go to The Wright Stuff...

It was fantastic talking about parents attitudes to discussing sex with their growing children today. Matthew is fantastic about getting to the core of important issues!

I'm an absolute believer that parents shouldn't blush about it, they need to answer their children's questions honestly and with a positive attitude to make their children feel comfortable to ask them anything.
On the panel today - Christine hamilton, Michelle Gayle, Matthew and Amanda Prowse, with me stuck in there...
In the last Labour government I was a consultant to their Sex: Worth Talking About campaign in 2009 and early 2010. And amongst all the activity we did, from TV ads to me talking about relationships and sex issues on radio stations across the country, was a massive survey.

It revealed that the majority of adolescents would turn to their peers instead of their parents for sex information. They were getting a huge amount of misinformation along the lines of friends saying you can't get pregnant the first time you have sex. Of course you can(!) and parents need to give their children correct information.

Always beginning with relationships and self respect and not allowing others to pressure you into doing something you don't want to.

Don't blush, just be honest and caring, and your children will hopefully turn to you with their questions.

Take care, Pam x

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I'm on a debate item on The Wright Stuff Wednesday March 7th...

I always look forward to being on The Wright Stuff! It's been a while, though, as I couldn't go on the last time they asked due to something in the diary.

Wednesday I'm joining TWS as the guest-expert in the studio audience @ 10.45 AM for what should be a lively debate. Hope you'll tune in!

Take care, Pam x

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I get asked this kind of question all the time...

I get asked how to introduce fantasy-play all the time so I thought this was a good email to answer where I can give out tips that can be applied to lots of fantasy-play...

Dear Dr. Pam,

My fiance is what you'd call a quiet guy and it is a case of ‘opposites attracting’ between us because I'm definitely the outgoing one. He wouldn't say boo to a goose and is the kindest person I've ever met.

The thing is, he has a great body and I’ve got this big fantasy of him dressing up as a policeman. It’d be such turn on if he’d arrest me and we’d have amazing 50 shades type of sex with him playing out that role.

I think about all the time and know I would have the best sex ever if I could pretend my hot man was a policeman. It's got to the point where I've hinted at it but he hasn't taken up the hint.

I'm not sure if he’s got my hints but because of his personality he’s embarrassed to do anything about them or he just hasn't got the hint! How can I approach him with this so I get my evil way with him? I want this to be fun not an ordeal for him. Thanks for any help I appreciate your time! xx

Dear "Arresting fantasy",

Don't be fooled, sometimes the quiet types are thinking all sorts of naughty things that they'd love to share with their partner but may not have the confidence to. Being quiet and a bit shy doesn't mean they don't have a fantasy life too.

He may just turn out to be ready, willing and able to play out a policeman fantasy for you. But you don't want to frighten him off by throwing a policeman's uniform onto the bed while saying, "come on babe, pretend I'm a criminal who needs some punishing!"

That approach may be a little too much so take it one step at a time. The next time you're having sex, whisper in his ear that you love his gorgeous body - really boost his confidence.

Then the next time after that you could mention again how gorgeous his body is plus how you’ve had this little “thought” [don’t tell him it’s a full on red hot fantasy] about how sexy he look dressed as a policeman. Gauge his response - if he looks pleased and as if he wants to hear more than tell him in lots of delicious detail about your fantasy.

You say you want to take it into Fifty Shades territory - with your fantasy that's easily done because if he's up for it you can use handcuffs, tethers, spanking paddles etc. for disciplining you for your "bad behaviour". And oh my, what a criminal mastermind you’re going to be so that he has to be a masterful policeman to get you in line.

As with introducing any fantasy a slowly, slowly approach works best before turning it into an actual role-play with all the gear that goes with actually playing it out.

Taking this approach could open up all sorts of possibilities because you can ask him if he has any fantasies about you. And of course you’ll return the favour and help him re-create the scenario that turns him on.

I’m hoping you turn your shy guy into a red-hot policeman but if you find he hates this idea don’t take that as a total turn down. Instead ask him what fantasy figure he might like to pretend to be- there's usually a compromise to be had.

Good luck, Dr Pam x

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Want to approach someone in your gym or coffee shop? Singles read on...

I was recently asked a few questions about how to say hello to that person you always see in your gym or local coffee shop, etc., that you're attracted to. But just don't know how to get the conversation started.

Here are a few of my thoughts – hope they help!

Why are so many otherwise-confident adults afraid to start conversations with people they don't know?

Otherwise-confident adults get anxious about striking up conversations because they fear rejection like anyone else does. Being confident in your career, with your friends and family, etc., doesn’t protect you against the fear that interesting looking guy will turn you down.

But no one should stop themselves from saying hello because of such anxieties. Getting turned down is a part of life. It’s often nothing personal but that the person just isn’t interested in meeting someone new. The old saying nothing ventured, nothing gained is totally true!

What advice would you give to someone who wants to start a conversation with someone they like who they see on a regular basis (in the gym, a barista in a coffee shop etc)?

Keep it casual, remind yourself that you’re not launching into a speech or a big presentation. That it’s just about saying hey, have you tried the new cross trainer?

Put yourself in the reverse situation, what’s worked for you in the past? Did you like it when an attractive barista smiled and simply said: you should try this new blend?

The words are simple but the message is pretty clear: I like the look of you.

Do you think our lives would benefit if we could find the time and confidence to start more conversations with strangers?

If only people would get over their anxieties about making the first move. Because when you realise it’s not so bad, and you’ve got a 50-50 chance that he/she finds you attractive too, there’s everything to gain.

This builds your confidence to take opportunities and whether you’re looking for a fling or full-on love, the more opportunities you take, the more likely you’ll find it.

Now get out there and start saying hello to that guy/girl who caught your eye!

Better to do it and approach someone (obviously in a safe environment!) then to regret not doing it, Pam x ​

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Valentine's is the perfect time to rekindle your relationship - relationship SOS for you...

In my latest Sun newspaper column I have six steps for you to rekindle that loved up vibe.

Don't throw away your relationship to quickly just because things aren't great.

Here's hoping it becomes all hearts and flowers again...

Valentine love from me to you, Pam x


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The Emotional Eater's Diet

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