Dr Pam : Email of the Week

Don't Let the Exam-Season Become a Disaster...Here's my advice to...

Title

Help! His ex has such an amazing figure! - 2013-05-09

I'm 20 years old with the breasts of a 60 year old!! - 2013-05-02

how do I prove my boss is harassing me?? - 2013-04-25

can I learn more from an older man?? - 2013-04-18

Please help my mother drove my boyfriend way!! - 2013-04-11

how do I tell my best friend she has bad breath? - 2013-04-04

I would like more than sex from this fling! - 2013-03-28

my partner has pain during sex.... - 2013-03-07

I lie about being a virgin - 2013-02-28

When I bumped into my ex I could feel a spark - 2013-02-21

I get aroused but can't let go and reach climax - 2013-02-14

Please help I'm attracted to my fianc�'s best friend - 2013-02-07

My boyfriend loves spanking me - 2013-01-31

Questions about my manhood - 2013-01-24

I found out my boyfriend used to use escorts and prostitutes Help! - 2013-01-17

Should I tell his wife? - 2013-01-05

going through Christmas without my children - 2012-12-20

You are AWESOME - 2012-12-18

I'd love to sleep with the guy I fancy after my office party but - 2012-12-13

Please help my husband's sex drive is much higher than mine - 2012-12-06

I was cheated on and find it hard to trust - 2012-11-29

My boyfriend objects to plastic surgery - 2012-11-22

we had a threesome and it's spoiling our relationship - 2012-11-15

my boyfriend's mother has moved in and it's causing problems in our sex life - 2012-11-08

my boyfriend turns me off - 2012-11-01

My partner has problems with his erection - 2012-10-25

My sister flirts with my boyfriends... - 2012-10-18

my fianc�'s father is a disgusting dirty old man - 2012-10-11

my husband neglects me in the bedroom - 2012-10-04

Your book on How to be a Happy Human - 2012-09-30

I'm being pressured into sex - 2012-09-06

Stressed out mother - 2012-08-30

My girlfriend has gone off sex - 2012-08-16

I've been seeing someone after my divorce but panicked! - 2012-08-09

How can I help my friend in an abusive relationship? - 2012-08-02

after eight years together he won't give me an answer about moving in - 2012-07-26

My teenage daughter is in a relationship I'm worried will lead to sex - 2012-07-19

I have problems with my erection - 2012-07-12

Help I'm being held back by lack of body confidence - 2012-07-05

I want to get married after five years together but frightened to ask him - 2012-06-28

Help! He takes too long to climax! - 2012-06-21

Fading into a breakup - 2012-06-07

Should I worry about my fantasies? - 2012-05-31

I'm going to lose it over access visits - 2012-05-24

I'd like my girlfriend to dye her hair - 2012-05-17

my wife has changed since losing her job - 2012-05-10

my girlfriend slept with a woman in the past and I'm worried about it - 2012-05-03

I'm worried about him using Internet porn - 2012-04-26

our relationship seems built on sex and it's not enough - 2012-04-19

Never had a boyfriend - 2012-04-07

I'm married and kissed another woman - 2012-03-29

my son hasn't had a girlfriend at 20 - 2012-03-15

what do you do when your girlfriend's friend flirts with you? - 2012-03-08

having difficulties in the bedroom - 2012-03-01

am I being paranoid about this man? - 2012-02-23

Have noticed someone else, help! - 2012-02-16

Is this normal? - 2012-02-09

please explain my dream about sex - 2012-02-02

My friend is going back to a man who cheated on her... - 2012-01-26

I think my boyfriend is hiding something in his past - 2012-01-19

my new girlfriend's sex toy usage bothers me - 2012-01-11

Should I pursue this guy? - 2011-12-22

Is my dream necessarily true? - 2011-12-15

should I have health worries about having more sex? - 2011-12-08

What should I do about my girlfriends flirting? - 2011-12-01

I'm raising my son on my own and need to discuss masterbation - 2011-11-26

My husband ONLY wants sex outside the bedroom!! - 2011-11-17

I am a very indecisive person and it makes me feel stupid... - 2011-11-10

Are my wet dreams normal? - 2011-11-03

My partner says he was pressured into going to a lap dancing club - 2011-10-27

My new girlfriend has never had an orgasm! - 2011-10-20

The pain of the affair kills me every day - 2011-10-13

My brother is useless with women! - 2011-10-06

My teen thinks she's in love - 2011-09-29

Do I have the 4 year itch - 2011-09-22

A question from Bill - 2011-09-21

Dressing for husband & flashing - 2011-09-09

Being a step mum wasn't in my life plan - 2011-08-28

My husband is letting himself go - 2011-08-28

He goes out without me every Friday night - 2011-08-25

My wife wants to go travelling - 2011-08-18

I worry about my friends using fortune tellers! - 2011-08-15

I think my husband is going through a midlife crisis - 2011-08-15

should I give up on relationships? - 2011-08-04

I feel unworthy of love... - 2011-07-28

Missing my sons is tearing me up - 2011-07-21

My sister-in-law might have postnatal depression - it is worrying us - 2011-07-14

when I was a child I was abused by my uncle and can't get over it - 2011-07-07

My fiance was killed and I am finding it hard to date again - 2011-06-30

I had sex with my friend and want more - 2011-06-23

Is it time to leave my marriage? - 2011-06-16

Am I being harassed? - 2011-06-09

Is it possible to forgive an affair? - 2011-06-02

HE DRESSES LIKE AN OLD ROCKER - 2011-05-26

My husband wants to send our teenage son away - 2011-05-19

Your sex addiction e-mails... - 2011-05-12

she spends, spends, spends - 2011-05-05

My relationship problem isn't very funny... - 2011-04-28

Help my husband is thoughtless! - 2011-04-21

MY PAST IS HAUNTING ME - 2011-04-14

I'm a girl whose fallen for a woman with a boyfriend... - 2011-04-07

I am a man after more than sex - 2011-03-31

HIS HABIT IS CAUSING ROWS - 2011-03-17

MY MUM IS STUCK IN HER GRIEF - 2011-03-10

I AM IN A TERRIBLE DILEMMA ABOUT MY SICK BOYFRIEND - 2011-03-03

Help MY BREASTS ARE TOO BIG - 2011-02-24

HELP WITH LOSING VIRGINITY - 2011-02-17

MY BOYFRIEND NEGLECTS ME - 2011-02-17

WHY AM I A LOVE LOSER? - 2011-02-06

HIS NEED FOR BONDAGE IS RUINING MY SEXUAL DESIRE - 2011-02-03

TRYING FOR A BABY HAS DAMAGED OUR SEX LIFE - 2011-01-27

I DO NOT WANT TO KEEP LYING ABOUT ORGASMS.... - 2011-01-20

MY MARRIED BOYFRIEND KEEPS PROMISING TO LEAVE HER - 2011-01-13

HELP ME KEEP MY SEX LIFE EXCITING - 2011-01-06

Ejaculation - 2011-01-06

Ashamed of my virginity - 2011-01-06

Not enough sex - 2011-01-06

HELP ME UNDERSTAND MY WEIRD... - 2010-12-31

THINGS ARE DIRE THIS CHRISTMAS - 2010-12-24

I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE PHONE SEX WITH HIM - 2010-12-16

USING DRUGS DURING SEX IS NOW A TURN OFF - 2010-12-10

YEARS IN AN UNHAPPY MARRIAGE - 2010-12-06

HE BROKE MY HEART AND NOW... - 2010-12-03

I FANCY MY FRIEND - 2010-11-25

IT IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER... - 2010-11-18

WHILE I AGREE WITH SOME... - 2010-11-12

HER DISCIPLINE IS TOO HARSH! - 2010-11-05

LOST THAT LUSTFUL FEELING - 2010-10-29

I AM HARBOURING A DARK SECRET - 2010-10-22

SHOULD I GIVE HIM AN ULTIMATUM - 2010-10-15

SHE WANTS TO STOP USING CONDOMS BUT... - 2010-10-08

HE WANTS TO CONTROL MY PLANS - 2010-10-01

I'M BEING MESSED AROUND - 2010-09-24

ULTIMATUM TIME - 2010-09-18

FANTASY LAND - 2010-09-16

MY THREESOME IS A NIGHTMARE - 2010-09-03

IN LOVE WITH MY GAY BEST FRIEND - 2010-09-03

ON THE VERGE OF ADULTERY - 2010-08-27

CAN I LIVE WITH A TRANSVESTITE HUSBAND? - 2010-08-23

I LACK CONFIDENCE AROUND MEN EVEN AT AGE 40 - 2010-08-23

I HIT MY MAN - 2010-08-12

HIS BALDNESS DOES NOT MATTER! - 2010-08-05

I CAN NOT LET GO OF MY HUSBAND - 2010-07-30

DEVIOUS DATER - 2010-07-23

How do I tell my sister? - 2010-07-15

He has got the manners of a dog! - 2010-07-09

He is good at home, but bad when out! - 2010-07-02

I do not even want to kiss my husband anymore... - 2010-06-24

I fear destroying my relationship because of my jealousy... - 2010-06-18

My sister is having one night stands... - 2010-06-11

Want something raunchy... - 2010-06-04

His dog gets more love!! - 2010-05-27

My man is a foot-freak! - 2010-05-20

I fancy someone besides my boyfriend!! - 2010-04-29

summer anthems - 2010-04-22

feeling unhappy - 2010-04-14

the film Precious - 2010-04-08

First date nerves - 2010-03-26

I am going to lose my virginity - 2010-03-22

What makes you happy... - 2010-03-15

I can't face Mother's day - 2010-03-08

Cheryl and Ashley - 2010-02-27

Strangers - 2010-02-16

He's fab but rubbish at romance - 2010-02-15

Fallen for my 'already-spoken' for neighbour - 2010-02-08

This Week

Help! His ex has such an amazing figure!

Dear Dr. Pam,

I hope you can help! My boyfriend's ex-wife had an amazing figure. She really could’ve been a Page Three girl. He doesn't have photos of her around his flat but I know this because she lives locally.

Although I have a pretty face my figure is nothing to write home about - I'm a standard size 16/18. I like to think of myself as a full-figured woman but it's not a patch on her amazing body. He tells me not to be silly and that he loves me and my shape plus that I'm better in bed than she was anyway. I love him but fear this’ll tear us apart. Linda, 27x x x

My Response:

Hi Linda,

So often people e-mail me about an issue and I recommend they don't listen to what their partner says [because often their partner's putting them down] but in your case I'm going to tell you to listen to him.

He sounds like a great guy and he tells you he loves you and your figure. He even says you’re better in bed (although I don't like people comparing lovers to their ex-lovers - even if it's a favourable comparison!).

The big question you have to answer is do you trust him? If your answer is ‘yes’ you do trust him then you must trust what he says about you. Otherwise you risk driving a wedge between you two - and that wedge is your paranoia about his ex. I've heard of this happening time and time again.

So switch off your anxious inner voice about him wanting her - he doesn't. Keep reminding yourself the you two are having a good time. Love the body you have and just make sure you feel fit, well and energetic - that's all that counts, not being a super slim size 10.

Finally, boost your body confidence when you two are going to have fun between the sheets and slip into clothes you feel sexy in and that show off your fantastic fuller figure. Enjoy what you have and don't look back to his past.

Also on my homepage go to "Powerful Living" and there are a couple body image boosting articles there.

Take care of yourself, Pamx