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Beware of The Bully Lurking in Your Office

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I'm worried my musician boyfriend will cheat - 2015-03-23

I don't want to give him porn style sex! - 2015-02-24

Help! Having my breast size criticised has left me insecure! - 2015-02-12

he won't give me oral sex! - 2015-01-03

Do I stick my nose in? - 2014-08-19

Age Gap - 2014-07-29

fat and ugly in bed - 2014-07-24

My boyfriend doesn't want me to lap dance - 2014-07-10

I love him and want his babies but he doesn't seem to want children - 2014-07-03

Should I stick to my plan to never have another office romance? - 2014-06-19

National Agony Aunt Week back mid June - 2014-05-20

Life Falling Apart - 2014-04-22

my girlfriend spends too much time with her ex - 2014-04-17

Please help our sex drives are different - 2014-04-10

He's still in love with his ex - 2014-04-03

To the person who emailed me about their relationship with their therapist - 2014-03-28

Have I put him off with my aloof behaviour? - 2014-03-27

he always wants sex in the morning! - 2014-03-06

My boyfriend doesn't treat me very well - 2014-02-27

I have a problem at work with my OCD - 2014-02-21

Help! I worry about his reaction to my birthmark! - 2013-09-12

a sexual assault is haunting me - 2013-09-05

Week 1 and 2 of Be a Man Magnet Challenge - 2013-08-26

asexuality in my family - 2013-08-22

my husband is having problems with his erection - 2013-08-15

My husband confessed he likes larger ladies and I'm not large! - 2013-07-25

is he going to listen to the office gossip?? - 2013-06-27

she doesn't reach climax, should I be worried? - 2013-06-20

his scars put me off - 2013-06-13

please help I'm worried my weight turns off my husband - 2013-06-06

help! I have sexual thoughts about my foster brother - 2013-05-30

I'm obsessed by a stripper I saw!! - 2013-05-23

Help! His ex has such an amazing figure! - 2013-05-09

I'm 20 years old with the breasts of a 60 year old!! - 2013-05-02

how do I prove my boss is harassing me?? - 2013-04-25

can I learn more from an older man?? - 2013-04-18

Please help my mother drove my boyfriend way!! - 2013-04-11

how do I tell my best friend she has bad breath? - 2013-04-04

I would like more than sex from this fling! - 2013-03-28

my partner has pain during sex.... - 2013-03-07

I lie about being a virgin - 2013-02-28

When I bumped into my ex I could feel a spark - 2013-02-21

I get aroused but can't let go and reach climax - 2013-02-14

Please help I'm attracted to my fiancÚ's best friend - 2013-02-07

My boyfriend loves spanking me - 2013-01-31

Questions about my manhood - 2013-01-24

I found out my boyfriend used to use escorts and prostitutes Help! - 2013-01-17

Should I tell his wife? - 2013-01-05

going through Christmas without my children - 2012-12-20

You are AWESOME - 2012-12-18

I'd love to sleep with the guy I fancy after my office party but - 2012-12-13

Please help my husband's sex drive is much higher than mine - 2012-12-06

I was cheated on and find it hard to trust - 2012-11-29

My boyfriend objects to plastic surgery - 2012-11-22

we had a threesome and it's spoiling our relationship - 2012-11-15

my boyfriend's mother has moved in and it's causing problems in our sex life - 2012-11-08

my boyfriend turns me off - 2012-11-01

My partner has problems with his erection - 2012-10-25

My sister flirts with my boyfriends... - 2012-10-18

my fiancÚ's father is a disgusting dirty old man - 2012-10-11

my husband neglects me in the bedroom - 2012-10-04

Your book on How to be a Happy Human - 2012-09-30

I'm being pressured into sex - 2012-09-06

Stressed out mother - 2012-08-30

My girlfriend has gone off sex - 2012-08-16

I've been seeing someone after my divorce but panicked! - 2012-08-09

How can I help my friend in an abusive relationship? - 2012-08-02

after eight years together he won't give me an answer about moving in - 2012-07-26

My teenage daughter is in a relationship I'm worried will lead to sex - 2012-07-19

I have problems with my erection - 2012-07-12

Help I'm being held back by lack of body confidence - 2012-07-05

I want to get married after five years together but frightened to ask him - 2012-06-28

Help! He takes too long to climax! - 2012-06-21

Fading into a breakup - 2012-06-07

Should I worry about my fantasies? - 2012-05-31

I'm going to lose it over access visits - 2012-05-24

I'd like my girlfriend to dye her hair - 2012-05-17

my wife has changed since losing her job - 2012-05-10

my girlfriend slept with a woman in the past and I'm worried about it - 2012-05-03

I'm worried about him using Internet porn - 2012-04-26

our relationship seems built on sex and it's not enough - 2012-04-19

Never had a boyfriend - 2012-04-07

I'm married and kissed another woman - 2012-03-29

my son hasn't had a girlfriend at 20 - 2012-03-15

what do you do when your girlfriend's friend flirts with you? - 2012-03-08

having difficulties in the bedroom - 2012-03-01

am I being paranoid about this man? - 2012-02-23

Have noticed someone else, help! - 2012-02-16

Is this normal? - 2012-02-09

please explain my dream about sex - 2012-02-02

My friend is going back to a man who cheated on her... - 2012-01-26

I think my boyfriend is hiding something in his past - 2012-01-19

my new girlfriend's sex toy usage bothers me - 2012-01-11

Should I pursue this guy? - 2011-12-22

Is my dream necessarily true? - 2011-12-15

should I have health worries about having more sex? - 2011-12-08

What should I do about my girlfriends flirting? - 2011-12-01

I'm raising my son on my own and need to discuss masterbation - 2011-11-26

My husband ONLY wants sex outside the bedroom!! - 2011-11-17

I am a very indecisive person and it makes me feel stupid... - 2011-11-10

Are my wet dreams normal? - 2011-11-03

My partner says he was pressured into going to a lap dancing club - 2011-10-27

My new girlfriend has never had an orgasm! - 2011-10-20

The pain of the affair kills me every day - 2011-10-13

My brother is useless with women! - 2011-10-06

My teen thinks she's in love - 2011-09-29

Do I have the 4 year itch - 2011-09-22

A question from Bill - 2011-09-21

Dressing for husband & flashing - 2011-09-09

Being a step mum wasn't in my life plan - 2011-08-28

My husband is letting himself go - 2011-08-28

He goes out without me every Friday night - 2011-08-25

My wife wants to go travelling - 2011-08-18

I worry about my friends using fortune tellers! - 2011-08-15

I think my husband is going through a midlife crisis - 2011-08-15

should I give up on relationships? - 2011-08-04

I feel unworthy of love... - 2011-07-28

Missing my sons is tearing me up - 2011-07-21

My sister-in-law might have postnatal depression - it is worrying us - 2011-07-14

when I was a child I was abused by my uncle and can't get over it - 2011-07-07

My fiance was killed and I am finding it hard to date again - 2011-06-30

I had sex with my friend and want more - 2011-06-23

Is it time to leave my marriage? - 2011-06-16

Am I being harassed? - 2011-06-09

Is it possible to forgive an affair? - 2011-06-02

HE DRESSES LIKE AN OLD ROCKER - 2011-05-26

My husband wants to send our teenage son away - 2011-05-19

Your sex addiction e-mails... - 2011-05-12

she spends, spends, spends - 2011-05-05

My relationship problem isn't very funny... - 2011-04-28

Help my husband is thoughtless! - 2011-04-21

MY PAST IS HAUNTING ME - 2011-04-14

I'm a girl whose fallen for a woman with a boyfriend... - 2011-04-07

I am a man after more than sex - 2011-03-31

HIS HABIT IS CAUSING ROWS - 2011-03-17

MY MUM IS STUCK IN HER GRIEF - 2011-03-10

I AM IN A TERRIBLE DILEMMA ABOUT MY SICK BOYFRIEND - 2011-03-03

Help MY BREASTS ARE TOO BIG - 2011-02-24

HELP WITH LOSING VIRGINITY - 2011-02-17

MY BOYFRIEND NEGLECTS ME - 2011-02-17

WHY AM I A LOVE LOSER? - 2011-02-06

HIS NEED FOR BONDAGE IS RUINING MY SEXUAL DESIRE - 2011-02-03

TRYING FOR A BABY HAS DAMAGED OUR SEX LIFE - 2011-01-27

I DO NOT WANT TO KEEP LYING ABOUT ORGASMS.... - 2011-01-20

MY MARRIED BOYFRIEND KEEPS PROMISING TO LEAVE HER - 2011-01-13

HELP ME KEEP MY SEX LIFE EXCITING - 2011-01-06

Ejaculation - 2011-01-06

Ashamed of my virginity - 2011-01-06

Not enough sex - 2011-01-06

HELP ME UNDERSTAND MY WEIRD... - 2010-12-31

THINGS ARE DIRE THIS CHRISTMAS - 2010-12-24

I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE PHONE SEX WITH HIM - 2010-12-16

USING DRUGS DURING SEX IS NOW A TURN OFF - 2010-12-10

YEARS IN AN UNHAPPY MARRIAGE - 2010-12-06

HE BROKE MY HEART AND NOW... - 2010-12-03

I FANCY MY FRIEND - 2010-11-25

IT IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER... - 2010-11-18

WHILE I AGREE WITH SOME... - 2010-11-12

HER DISCIPLINE IS TOO HARSH! - 2010-11-05

LOST THAT LUSTFUL FEELING - 2010-10-29

I AM HARBOURING A DARK SECRET - 2010-10-22

SHOULD I GIVE HIM AN ULTIMATUM - 2010-10-15

SHE WANTS TO STOP USING CONDOMS BUT... - 2010-10-08

HE WANTS TO CONTROL MY PLANS - 2010-10-01

I'M BEING MESSED AROUND - 2010-09-24

ULTIMATUM TIME - 2010-09-18

FANTASY LAND - 2010-09-16

MY THREESOME IS A NIGHTMARE - 2010-09-03

IN LOVE WITH MY GAY BEST FRIEND - 2010-09-03

ON THE VERGE OF ADULTERY - 2010-08-27

CAN I LIVE WITH A TRANSVESTITE HUSBAND? - 2010-08-23

I LACK CONFIDENCE AROUND MEN EVEN AT AGE 40 - 2010-08-23

I HIT MY MAN - 2010-08-12

HIS BALDNESS DOES NOT MATTER! - 2010-08-05

I CAN NOT LET GO OF MY HUSBAND - 2010-07-30

DEVIOUS DATER - 2010-07-23

How do I tell my sister? - 2010-07-15

He has got the manners of a dog! - 2010-07-09

He is good at home, but bad when out! - 2010-07-02

I do not even want to kiss my husband anymore... - 2010-06-24

I fear destroying my relationship because of my jealousy... - 2010-06-18

My sister is having one night stands... - 2010-06-11

Want something raunchy... - 2010-06-04

His dog gets more love!! - 2010-05-27

My man is a foot-freak! - 2010-05-20

I fancy someone besides my boyfriend!! - 2010-04-29

summer anthems - 2010-04-22

feeling unhappy - 2010-04-14

the film Precious - 2010-04-08

First date nerves - 2010-03-26

I am going to lose my virginity - 2010-03-22

What makes you happy... - 2010-03-15

I can't face Mother's day - 2010-03-08

Cheryl and Ashley - 2010-02-27

Strangers - 2010-02-16

He's fab but rubbish at romance - 2010-02-15

Fallen for my 'already-spoken' for neighbour - 2010-02-08

This Week


I'm worried my musician boyfriend will cheat

Hey Pam,

never thought I’d email someone for advice but my friends are split on this. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 18 months and it’s serious and we moved in together at Christmas.

My problem is he’s the lead guitarist in a band that’s getting around the country more. I think they’re going places as a couple small labels are interested in signing them. I was never paranoid before but now he’s away on gigs lots overnight so I get freaked out. He’s really fit and I’ve seen girls talking to him at the bar as soon as he’s offstage. I’ve even sat in the tour bus when I sometimes travel with him and they hang around outside of it! It's like they have no selfrespect!

He swears he’d never cheat and that he loves me. He says he doesn’t care about these chicks but I know some of the band sleep around everywhere they go.

How do I handle this without pushing him away? Some of my friends say he’s bound to cheat because he’s in a band and he’s fit but others say they think he’s trustworthy. Any advice? Please call me Emxx



My Response:

Hey Em,

I’m not surprised you feel a bit paranoid – you’re going out with some hunky guy who you know gets lots of attention from women. There are probably quite a few beers sunk after a gig and you’re probably thinking you’d try it on with him if you spotted him. And it’s natural to wonder how many times would he manage to turn all this attention down especially when he comes off stage - he's hyped up from playing - and is hanging out at the bar?

There’s no guarantee in life for any couple but it’s really interesting your friends are split. So it boils down to you and how you should use your intuition.

Here's how to put your intuition to use: Let’s say he always rings you after a gig, once the band has put their kit away. Then one night he doesn’t ring for a few hours. Your intuition would probably go into overdrive about what’s up? Because he’s behaved out of his ordinary behaviour your intuition flags it up - this is what it does when faced with unusual behaviour.

If such a situation happened you’d need to decide how you tackle it. You’d need to listen to what he says about not ringing you as usual. And listen to your intuition again about what it’s saying – is it saying he’s not telling the truth? Or is it saying he’s completely believable?

Because unless you get some sort of proof that’s the only thing you have to go by - your gut feeling.

Time will tell over the coming weeks and months about his behaviour – and its consistency or inconsistency.

Ultimately you can hope for the best and hope he means what he says. But you’re right, you can’t drive him away from you with constant questioning. Neither can you be the ‘gig police’ and go to every gig and make sure women don’t chat him up.

I’m hoping you can become ‘mindful’ as people say - learn to be in the moment and listen to what your intuition is telling you. We become wiser when we become more mindful - it stops the past from clouding judgement and we really do with the moment.

Obviously if you’ve struggled with insecurities and excessive jealousy with past boyfriends then you need to be aware youdon’t scupper this relationship with your own behaviour. Seeing as you haven’t mentioned that I’m guessing this hasn’t been a problem for you in the past.

Wishing you the very best of luck and take care, Pamx

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My new book The Emotional Eater's Diet is published in the UK on May 15 - I’m very excited as I hope emotional eaters - women or men will find it helpful. Each year 2/3s of people start a diet and 20% start a new diet each month. Yet 95% of diets aren’t successful.

I firmly believe that emotional eating to soothe difficult feelings is the culprit behind most of this failure. My book has a huge range of practical tips/strategies to help understand your emotions and manage your appetite. There are mini-quizes and real case studies.

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