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Dear Dr. Pam,
I recently started seeing a new man and I really like him. My last boyfriend was a bit of a nightmare and after six months of a roller coaster I decided enough was enough - it didn’t matter that he was well endowed and hot in the bedroom. Outside the bedroom he was unreliable. This new man is very sweet and also good looking and treats me very well.
Here’s the problem though, when we got intimate I noticed that he has quite a small penis. This doesn't really bother me, but I haven’t ever been with a man that’s got a small penis and I’m not quite sure what to do with it.
After some foreplay sessions over our first few weeks together we finally did sleep together and it didn’t satisfy me. Have you got any tips and advice that could make sex better for us? I'll call myself Chloe xx
Dear "Size shouldn’t matter",
Chloe, I'm glad you say that this new man being on the smaller side doesn't really bother you and you simply want to get more sexual pleasure with him. And it’s refreshing to see that you can recognise a good guy compared to the last guy you were with who sounded like he might be a classic bad boy - unpredictable and unreliable.
You’ve got a great starting point so let’s look at what you can do. First off, because you don’t want to shatter his self-esteem it’s best to approach this in a positive way through different techniques. Leading with your behaviour rather than having a chat about how he can satisfy you more is as you can imagine, far preferable.
Also I want to skip the potions, pills and gadgets route - the ads for these things promise so much and deliver so little. Yes, some of the vacuum pumps do temporarily give a man a bit of size-boost but on the downside you’d have to suggest it.
Instead the best possible path is for you to guide him into becoming the King of Sex-play. This means he’s encouraged to give you loads of foreplay to get you super turned on. He can also use oral sex and/or manual sex (with his hands) to bring you to climax or near to climax. You can return the favour – fair’s fair!
While you’re helping him become the King of turning you on, and satisfying you, always encourage him when he does something right. Tell him how fantastic it feels and ask him for more plus big-him-up about his technique. The more encouragement you give him, the more he's likely to please you in other ways.
Now, when you do have full sex choose a position that will maximise his size. For example, if you go on top of him with your thighs in-between his thighs, this automatically tightens you up on his penis. Or alternatively if you do good old-fashioned doggy style [you on all fours with him behind] but slip down on to your elbows it tilts your pelvis up. This also tightens your vaginal muscles giving more friction with him.
Ultimately turn experimenting with positions into playful, fun sex. Also there’s no rule that you have to climax through penetrative sex so if he can give you a fantastic orgasm orally or manually then go for it. You can finish off with him inside you but you’ll already be satisfied.
Good luck, Dr Pam x
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