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Bullying at work, in brief…

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Some Psychology of High Heels

Thoughts on why women love TV doctors!

Why men and women snoop on each other!

Preventing Christmas party disasters!

You might feel the same with PMT as going through a breakup!

Huge and heavy handbags reflect the modern woman's psyche

Use your body language!

A few thoughts on self harm

A few thoughts on body image

Some Thoughts on Hiding Grief and Loss

QUIZ: How Superstitious Are You?

Coping With The So Very Modern Stress Of Technology!

QUIZ: What's Your "Mental Weight"? how to eat healthily!

The Bluffer’s Guide To Wine Tasting

Seven Secrets Of A Winning Attitude

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Are Bullies Taking Over? Plus tips if you bullied!

QUIZ: Are you OTT with OCD?

QUIZ: Sort Out the She-Devil in You (anger and stress advice)

Secrets Between Your Sheets - what your sleep positions mean!

Your height and implications for your life and personality

What Your Wallet Or Pocketbook Reveals About You!

OCD SOS: Help for your obsessive and compulsive behaviour!

Don't Take A Gamble With Gambling Online

Banish Panic Attacks

QUIZ: Don't Let Shyness Spoil Your Life!

How To Get A Heavenly Night’s Sleep

QUIZ: Are You A Spendaholic?

Spring Clean Your Life!

Stop Worrying And Start Living!

Unique Ways To Improve Your Intuition!

Dinner Party Gossip - The Good, The Bad and The Ugly!

The Definitive Guide to Spotting Lying & Dishonesty

Common Embarrassing Situations - And How To Negotiate Them!

Don't Bet On Gambling - It's A Mug's Game!

Give up your seat for pregnant women!

QUIZ: Gossip Girls - The Good, the Bad and the Ugly about Gossip

Make the most of those first few moments when you meet someone

What Your Hair Colour Tells People About Your Personality!

Make the most out of managing staff

Colour Therapy For Your Life!

The Good Complaining Guide

Secrets & Lies - The Body Language of Dishonesty


Coping With The So Very Modern Stress Of Technology!


Coping With The So Very Modern Stress Of Technology!

It's not until a taken-for-granted piece of technology fails we realise how much we depend on it. Recently I was so frustrated by technology I stomped around my office cursing the massive, yet faceless, organisation behind my failing Broadband.

You might be surprised a psychologist and solutions coach, who advises on stress management, came perilously close to breaking point. I surprised myself, usually good at taking my own advice. But four weeks of "BT Broadband H*ll" frazzled my nerves. I soon discovered an immediate bonding occurred when I mentioned my woes - everyone had a technological stress (TS as I'm calling it) story. Be it computers, boilers, Sat-Navs, Internet providers or DVD systems - anything that depends on an Internet connection, a microchip or other technology can bring us to our knees.

I won't bore you with the minutia but having inexplicably lost my Net connection I was soon going round the BT phone system options. Trying to connect to a human voice about my broadband fault was nearly Mission Impossible. Where was Tom Cruise when I needed him?

I used cunning ploys to reach a "voice". Here's a tip - select "Sales", you'll get a person as they want to sell products! As the weeks unfolded I realised the dozens of "voices" I reached didn't have the wear-with-all to solve my problems.

Repeatedly handed from one invisible department to another, retelling every detail of my sorry tale, I criss-crossed the world between call centres in India and England. Frustration rose as they shifted the blame to, e.g., my computer, my modem, or my email provider (a convenient excuse not being BT!) when a private expert assured me these weren't at fault. Eventually two separate engineer errors were identified. Not before my usual "cup-half-full" nature faltered - my cup was emptying at a dizzying rate.

The crux of TS lies in this. When you've a problem with technology, if anything like me (a techno-moron!), you're easily fobbed off. You're falsely reassured when call-centre staff say you'll enter a queue for investigation . When you hear nothing in the designated 48-hour window or discover they're inept, TS begins.

Forget finding the "voice" that gave you erroneous information because you won't have an extension number/surname. How many "Gemmas" do you think are in the BT UK call system and how many "Mohits" in the Indian? Plenty, all who deny ever hearing of you! You restart the whole sad process returning to the horrid phone systems. Ultimately you feel you're nothing in the grand scheme of things. Humanity is lost when these companies deal with millions of us. I now suspect many of the 13 million days lost annually to "stress" are TS related.


Steps to conquer TS and retain a cup-half-full mentality:

* Whatever your technology failure (from boiler to broadband) try to identify the root problem. Easier said than done when, e.g., your service provider insists it must be something other than their service at fault. At least you'll appear competent having done some investigations.

* Keep a detailed diary of what's gone wrong and the process you go through. Take the name and (if they'll give it) extension number of call-centre staff. Even a Christian name is helpful if you eventually complain about the service. Also such steps gives you a sense of control.

* Identify what part of the problem's under your control. In my case I fully explored my modem, email provider, and PC. They weren't at fault but now I understand their function better - that's a positive.

* Don't buy into believing technology always makes life easier. Think of it as an "assistant", don't raise to status of "saviour". When let down it's not so exasperating and you're unlikely to feel broad-sided as I was.

* Check alternatives. For example, I now know there's a reasonable Internet cafe 20 minutes away for future emergencies.

* Never underestimate the power of technological problems to cause TS. I coped well the first week but that went downhill after literally hundreds of hours spent on customer-service lines!

* Acknowledge what you can't control. For example, you can't control the level of training staff have. Keep calm and note where such services fall-down to be included in a complaint letter. You gain psychological power accepting you can't control these things.

* Ask to speak to supervisory/managerial level staff. Insist things aren't being rectified fast enough, well enough, etc, asserting yourself over the junior staff.

* Do what you can to motivate those with control over your issue (e.g., that you'll complain in writing and are keeping a diary) to resolve things.

* Leave the situation when you can. Phone a friend, play music, use deep breathing, etc., to help contain TS. Distancing yourself from technology restores sanity - it certainly did mine!

* Visualise the problem as being contained in a bubble. Now visualise bouncing that bubble out of your life. Now visualise a calming image. Again, this worked for me.

* Exercise is a great stress buster, breaking the negative cycle of too much stress-hormone cortisol circulating in your body. Taking 30 minutes for a jog or cycle will raise endorphin levels and ratchet down stress levels.

* Time to re-evaluate how much you depend on technology. I'm now determined, e.g., to rely less on email and ring people more - that's a great thing to come out of it.

Finally many of these steps will help conquer any stress in your life, not just that related to technology. Well, now that my broadband connection's back on I'm going to email my new best friend – Harsh - in the BT India call centre. After all I've had more conversations with him recently than anyone else!


Published in the Express Newspaper


THE LAWS OF SISTERHOOD - The girlfriends’ guide to successful dating and finding the one

I’m excited that my new book ‘THE LAWS OF SISTERHOOD - The girlfriends’ guide to successful dating and finding the one is available to preorder on Amazon.

I hope you find it a unique guide that emphasises how single friends can help each other make the most of the dating scene. As well as containing a vast array of tips and techniques to help you to dating success - everything from the first date, online dating, the signals he gives out through different behaviours, and how to improve your own signals are included.

“Pam’s dating book is inspired and will make you a much more attractive and confident date” Jo Hemmings, Behavioural psychologist and author


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The Emotional Eater's Diet

My new book The Emotional Eater's Diet is published in the UK on May 15 - I’m very excited as I hope emotional eaters - women or men will find it helpful. Each year 2/3s of people start a diet and 20% start a new diet each month. Yet 95% of diets aren’t successful.

I firmly believe that emotional eating to soothe difficult feelings is the culprit behind most of this failure. My book has a huge range of practical tips/strategies to help understand your emotions and manage your appetite. There are mini-quizes and real case studies.

It’s available to preorder on Amazon. Please remember that food can fuel your energy needs but not your emotional needs. Take care!

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Sex Academy - Essential Lessons in Seduction & Spectacular Sex

I'm delighted that my latest book Sex Academy was endorsed by my fellow self-help author Siski Green who said: "Sex Academy really is THE Bible of sex books. The lessons and lectures cover the A-Z of everything you want to know - from Anal sex to getting Zero sex." I hope you enjoy it!

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How to be a Happy Human - Ten Essential Principles to Change Your Life!

I was so excited and HAPPY to write this book on happiness covering my 10 unique Happiness Principles. I hope it helps increase your well-being, contentment, and happiness. I've packed it with dozens and dozens of easy-to-use strategies, plus life-changing insights. Based on about five years of collecting case studies and research I hope you'll find it helpful.

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Steamy Sex - The Sex Doctor's Answers For Keeping It Hot

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Discover the relationship between your dreams and your sex- and love-life! Go on a journey of self-discovery in this unique dream book. Case studies, a dream directory, and ‘dreamersises’ help you interpret your dreams.

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Sizzling Sex - The Sex Doctor's 250 Hottest Tips, Tricks, and Techniques

My research found if a couple's been together more than one year it's unlikely you've tried any new sex tip, trick or technique for at least four months! Rescue's at hand with my 250 hottest sex tips for every aspect of your sex life.

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The Dating Survival Guide - Ten Top Tactics For Total Success

Dating. It's a jungle out there. This is the ultimate guide to negotiating your way around the minefield of the dating game. Practical advice, useful tips and insights cover all dating issues to revolutionise your love life!

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The Break-up Survival Kit - Emotional Rescue For The Newly Single!

Relationship breakdown's rife and the emotional fall-out from a break-up is incalculable. Here's emotional rescue for the heartbroken packed with tips, advice, plus practical assistance allowing the broken-hearted to rebuild their lives.

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Fabulous Foreplay - The Sex Doctor's Guide To Teasing & Pleasing Your Lover

No couple or single can be without this unique, best-selling book containing a vast range of techniques, tricks and tips to turn your lover on. From attracting someone new to recharging your old relationship, Fabulous, explores each of the sexual senses in turn!

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Sensational Sex: The Revolutionary Guide To Sexual Pleasure & Fulfilment

No. 1 selling book offering you tons of fantastic sex tips PLUS a new and revolutionary ways of looking at sexual pleasure and ‘problems‘ and how they fit into a person's whole life and relationships.

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No. 1 selling sex book covering everything from how your body works to infinite sex tips. The Daily Star said: 'Sinful Sex has something for everyone'

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Your Child's Dreams

A unique parenting book giving you creative techniques to understand your child better through their dreams and nightmares.  These reveal so much about a child that most parents miss out on. Strengthen your parent-child relationship, their confidence and well-being!

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