Squaring up to Your Shynes...
If you suffer with shyness...
A few thoughts on self harm
People that are experiencing emotional distress and don't feel they can communicate these negative feelings turn to self-harm. Traditionally men tend to express their stress and anxiety in an outward fashion, i.e., they "act it out". For example, they might act aggressively, or go up the pub and have a few drinks and get loud, or even get out on the football pitch and kick a ball around. Women on the other hand are expected to deal with stress and anxiety in a quieter and calmer fashion. However this is unrealistic for some women who find the stress and anxiety levels build such a level that they have to do something to release that emotional tension. Self-harm happens to be one of those "tension releasers" in the short term.
Self-harmers aren't necessarily high achievers however there is probably a higher proportion of high-achievers in this group. However you have to add to this a sense of low self-esteem and underdeveloped skills of communication. Then throw in a traumatic event or something like being bullied and you have a recipe for self-harm. A self-harmer should never be pressured to achieve more then is realistic for them. Certainly in our society where there's pressure for financial success and materialistic consumption people are often under huge pressure to work longer and harder. This is the last thing a self-harmer should do!
As with any negative behaviour that becomes cyclic in nature, it can be treated but needs to be tackled at many levels. What happens is the self-harmer learns to release tension by hurting themselves when faced with a crisis or stress. This cyclic behaviour becomes habitual and as we know habits are hard to give up. They need to de-stress and their life. The need to learn to communicate with their loved ones. They need to take on a lighter load. And should have an "alert system" in place where if they're getting stressed they reached out to tell someone rather than for a razor blade.
Definitely seek help in confidence from your GP and don't keep it from family/friends
I’m excited that my new book ‘THE LAWS OF SISTERHOOD - The girlfriends’ guide to successful dating and finding the one’ is available to preorder on Amazon.
I hope you find it a unique guide that emphasises how single friends can help each other make the most of the dating scene. As well as containing a vast array of tips and techniques to help you to dating success - everything from the first date, online dating, the signals he gives out through different behaviours, and how to improve your own signals are included.
“Pam’s dating book is inspired and will make you a much more attractive and confident date” Jo Hemmings, Behavioural psychologist and author
My new book The Emotional Eater's Diet is published in the UK on May 15 - I’m very excited as I hope emotional eaters - women or men will find it helpful. Each year 2/3s of people start a diet and 20% start a new diet each month. Yet 95% of diets aren’t successful.
I firmly believe that emotional eating to soothe difficult feelings is the culprit behind most of this failure. My book has a huge range of practical tips/strategies to help understand your emotions and manage your appetite. There are mini-quizes and real case studies.
It’s available to preorder on Amazon. Please remember that food can fuel your energy needs but not your emotional needs. Take care!
I'm delighted that my latest book Sex Academy was endorsed by my fellow self-help author Siski Green who said: "Sex Academy really is THE Bible of sex books. The lessons and lectures cover the A-Z of everything you want to know - from Anal sex to getting Zero sex." I hope you enjoy it!
I was so excited and HAPPY to write this book on happiness covering my 10 unique Happiness Principles. I hope it helps increase your well-being, contentment, and happiness. I've packed it with dozens and dozens of easy-to-use strategies, plus life-changing insights. Based on about five years of collecting case studies and research I hope you'll find it helpful.
My latest sex guide's out - I've gone through thousands of questions people ask me about sex - from why they don't feel desire to how to handle a partner's kinky fetish. Here are the answers plus loads of tricks and techniques. Enjoy!
Discover the relationship between your dreams and your sex- and love-life! Go on a journey of self-discovery in this unique dream book. Case studies, a dream directory, and ‘dreamersises’ help you interpret your dreams.
My research found if a couple's been together more than one year it's unlikely you've tried any new sex tip, trick or technique for at least four months! Rescue's at hand with my 250 hottest sex tips for every aspect of your sex life.
No couple or single can be without this unique, best-selling book containing a vast range of techniques, tricks and tips to turn your lover on. From attracting someone new to recharging your old relationship, Fabulous, explores each of the sexual senses in turn!
No. 1 selling book offering you tons of fantastic sex tips PLUS a new and revolutionary ways of looking at sexual pleasure and ‘problems‘ and how they fit into a person's whole life and relationships.
No. 1 selling sex book covering everything from how your body works to infinite sex tips. The Daily Star said: 'Sinful Sex has something for everyone'
A unique parenting book giving you creative techniques to understand your child better through their dreams and nightmares. These reveal so much about a child that most parents miss out on. Strengthen your parent-child relationship, their confidence and well-being!