Is Stress Actually Stressing You Out?...Tackle the strain of...
Get Your Greeting Right For Social Success!
Here's my advice for making the most of those first few moments.
It's normal to feel nervous when entering a social situation, whether it's a job interview, a routine meeting with your boss, or meeting your partner’s parents. Part of such nerves is about the etiquette of how you meet and greet someone.
What do you do with your hands - to shake or not to shake? Do you give them a kiss? Who takes the lead in making the first move? And so on. A recent survey found that an eighth of people promptly forgot the name of the person they’d just met due to nerves. And a full 20% of people clashed faces when proffering a nervous greeting-kiss.
Deep down we know the greeting is important because first impressions count for so much. If in those moments you establish a comfortable atmosphere it makes the interaction go much more smoothly.
Here's a guide through the minefield of “meeting and greeting” in key situations.
Want to make the best first impression? The absolute rule at an interview is to let the person of "higher social status" determine what form the greeting takes. By higher social status I don't mean in some snobby sense but that those with higher social status are the ones calling the shots. In this case, the one who holds your fate in their hands, i.e., whether you get the job!
Be aware as you enter whether they move to offer their hand. If they go to offer it give a firm, confident handshake. No limp handshakes from you! Be prepared that if they don't offer their hand that you haven't already gone to offer yours - that’ll make you feel a little foolish.
Next give them a moment to seat them self and then take your seat unless they specifically offer you a chair first. Now you've got the greeting out of the way, get stuck into impressing them.
A Meeting With Your Boss/Manager -
You might think the first rule of going into a meeting with your boss is letting them set the pace as they have higher social status. But depending on the work environment this may or may not be true. For example, in a very structured work environment that has a distinct pecking order you should adhere to this rule. However, in a more flexible environment and particularly if you have a good relationship with your boss, demonstrate confidence by taking control of the initial greeting.
As you walk in set a tone of mutual regard by either offering your hand or simply opening your hands in a gesture of relaxed confidence. The second rule is to let them make the next move of either offering you a chair, or patting you on the shoulder in welcome, etc.
Always treat your partner's parents from the first meeting - and throughout your relationship - as you would those of higher social status. The golden rule is to let them always make the first move in a greeting. This is critical because, for example, your family may be physically affectionate and always greet each other with kisses and hugs. Your partner's family may not and after the first few meetings - when you're feeling confident with them - if you lunge at them with an affectionate hug they might find it over-the-top. So it's their-way or no-way with the greeting for long-term success.
Here you have the freedom to set the tone in the way you see fit. You both have equal social status. This applies whether or not, for example, one of you did the asking out or if you met through an Internet dating site and it was a mutual arrangement to meet up.
It's important to be yourself, but your best “social self". If you’re quite affectionate the rule to follow is to give a semi-affectionate greeting just in case they’re a non-affectionate person. Either go to shake their hand warmly or lean in for a single kiss to one cheek. These two alternatives are preferable to nervously clutching your handbag to your side in fear of making any physical contact. Your date will feel welcome without it being “too much”. No double kisses on both cheeks yet, though, as you’d give your friends unless they specifically do that.
You may have to attend a range of social events from the work-related to purely social. Let this element of the event - work or social - guide you and shape the primary rule to apply. For example, entering a work-related conference the first person you meet is the keynote speaker. They might be considered a "colleague" but of higher status depending on the circumstances. Follow the guidance as per bosses above.
At a purely social event like a wedding you'll come across people where some are of a higher social status (e.g., the bride's parents) or some are the same social status (the bride, your friend). A good rule of thumb is to treat the person of higher social status as you would your partner's parents.
Finally, if you happen to be the higher status person always give clear signals of what sort of greeting you expect by offering your hand, standing still (signalling no physical contact), or moving to kiss them.
Published in The Express Newspaper
I’m excited that my new book ‘THE LAWS OF SISTERHOOD - The girlfriends’ guide to successful dating and finding the one’ is available to preorder on Amazon.
I hope you find it a unique guide that emphasises how single friends can help each other make the most of the dating scene. As well as containing a vast array of tips and techniques to help you to dating success - everything from the first date, online dating, the signals he gives out through different behaviours, and how to improve your own signals are included.
“Pam’s dating book is inspired and will make you a much more attractive and confident date” Jo Hemmings, Behavioural psychologist and author
My new book The Emotional Eater's Diet is published in the UK on May 15 - I’m very excited as I hope emotional eaters - women or men will find it helpful. Each year 2/3s of people start a diet and 20% start a new diet each month. Yet 95% of diets aren’t successful.
I firmly believe that emotional eating to soothe difficult feelings is the culprit behind most of this failure. My book has a huge range of practical tips/strategies to help understand your emotions and manage your appetite. There are mini-quizes and real case studies.
It’s available to preorder on Amazon. Please remember that food can fuel your energy needs but not your emotional needs. Take care!
I'm delighted that my latest book Sex Academy was endorsed by my fellow self-help author Siski Green who said: "Sex Academy really is THE Bible of sex books. The lessons and lectures cover the A-Z of everything you want to know - from Anal sex to getting Zero sex." I hope you enjoy it!
I was so excited and HAPPY to write this book on happiness covering my 10 unique Happiness Principles. I hope it helps increase your well-being, contentment, and happiness. I've packed it with dozens and dozens of easy-to-use strategies, plus life-changing insights. Based on about five years of collecting case studies and research I hope you'll find it helpful.
My latest sex guide's out - I've gone through thousands of questions people ask me about sex - from why they don't feel desire to how to handle a partner's kinky fetish. Here are the answers plus loads of tricks and techniques. Enjoy!
Discover the relationship between your dreams and your sex- and love-life! Go on a journey of self-discovery in this unique dream book. Case studies, a dream directory, and ‘dreamersises’ help you interpret your dreams.
My research found if a couple's been together more than one year it's unlikely you've tried any new sex tip, trick or technique for at least four months! Rescue's at hand with my 250 hottest sex tips for every aspect of your sex life.
No couple or single can be without this unique, best-selling book containing a vast range of techniques, tricks and tips to turn your lover on. From attracting someone new to recharging your old relationship, Fabulous, explores each of the sexual senses in turn!
No. 1 selling book offering you tons of fantastic sex tips PLUS a new and revolutionary ways of looking at sexual pleasure and ‘problems‘ and how they fit into a person's whole life and relationships.
No. 1 selling sex book covering everything from how your body works to infinite sex tips. The Daily Star said: 'Sinful Sex has something for everyone'
A unique parenting book giving you creative techniques to understand your child better through their dreams and nightmares. These reveal so much about a child that most parents miss out on. Strengthen your parent-child relationship, their confidence and well-being!