Squaring up to Your Shynes...
If you suffer with shyness...
Arriving back late from a training conference about women's sexual health issues has left me little time to write before I do a radio interview about aspects of happiness and unhappiness that I've written about in my new book How to be a Happy Human (more details on my homepage) at 1045 this morning - eek - not so long and I have a mountain of e-mails to get through.
Will finish this later today as I've got a cracking "your e-mail of the week" to answer and post - and I've got to warn you about cheques in the post and how one addressed to me was stolen recently. Back a bit later, Pam X
Ok, so I’m back now…onto this story about the stolen cheque. About two months ago I realised I was due a payment for some consultation work (from a very reputable company, mind you, so I wasn't worried that they worry delaying for any untoward reason like having run out of money). I e-mailed my point of contact reminding them about my invoice and they said they'd get onto accounts.
I then had an e-mail from accounts saying they had posted me the cheque March 26 and I had banked it March 31. I replied that I'd flown to Cuba on March 30th and hadn't been near a British bank being 3000 miles away!
They then e-mailed me a copy of my banked cheque - and so the mystery began. I checked my bank account once, twice, a third time, and that money had not gone into my account. I began to feel a bit OCD-ish about it and re-checked a fourth time to make sure I somehow wasn't missing this amount and that somehow I had banked it without realising it.
It was not there and so began a long and painstaking correspondence between me, the accounts department, their bank, and the branch of Santander (I don't even bank with them) where my bank cheque had been banked. This went on for four weeks until Santander identified the fraudulent deposit of my cheque, into a man's account, whom I'd never heard of, with a completely different name than mine. How he managed to bank a cheque made out to me (with my very short surname) when he has a very long, polysyllabic Indian name is beyond me!?! But it happened.
Now a fraud case has began against him and the company have kindly paid me what was due. But I can tell you I immediately e-mailed anyone who tends to pay me by cheque and asked them to make a BACs transfer from now on into my account. And if there's anyone who pays you by cheque - and sends it through the post rather than handing it to you - then you need to ask them to start using BACs transfer.
I find the audacity of this thief breathtaking. As yet I don't know at what point in the postal service he stole my cheque, from the sorting office, or whether he’s a postman himself, but all will be revealed with time. I was furious because I am so time- short and had to send so many e-mails to rectify this situation, but I hope he ends up getting the most severe punishment possible for postal theft and fraudulently banking a cheque.
On another note, in today's papers there was a story that put on my conscience - and I use my experiences as a word of warning for "maybe later" parents! What was the story about? Parents having to have little time for their children - I was once guilty of this when my children were young - for a time being so career-minded that I was constantly saying "maybe later" to them. Obviously trying to ignore their disappointed little faces when I uttered those two words. Hand on heart I said "maybe later" too many times.
TODAY’S THOUGHT: I hope you can learn from my experience if you have young children. Because if I had their toddler years to do over again I would do them so very differently. This is a heartfelt warning based on my experiences - plus those of other women I've known - who don't realise it when they're stuck in the middle of this "maybe later" parenting trap.
And only realise it all too late when the window of time they have with their children's toddlerhood has been firmly slammed shut.
So please don't realise it too late - and if you can somehow carve more time out for your children in your busy life or perhaps give up a bit of overtime (I know, a tough order during a recession) then it will be time well spent.
Another interesting topic springs to mind when I read about yesterday on my iVillage.co.uk blog. In it I discussed a woman's friends, who could've had the saying, "with friends like these…" made up because of them! They were ridiculing her lovely new boyfriend in the most awful way. Take a look if this is happening in your life.
Have to go into meetings now this afternoon but tonight I will post a new "your e-mail of the week", enjoy your afternoon, the sun's trying to peek out this afternoon, Pam X
p.s. I must tell you tomorrow about the books I read on holiday - or at least the one I really enjoyed!
I’m excited that my new book ‘THE LAWS OF SISTERHOOD - The girlfriends’ guide to successful dating and finding the one’ is available to preorder on Amazon.
I hope you find it a unique guide that emphasises how single friends can help each other make the most of the dating scene. As well as containing a vast array of tips and techniques to help you to dating success - everything from the first date, online dating, the signals he gives out through different behaviours, and how to improve your own signals are included.
“Pam’s dating book is inspired and will make you a much more attractive and confident date” Jo Hemmings, Behavioural psychologist and author
My new book The Emotional Eater's Diet is published in the UK on May 15 - I’m very excited as I hope emotional eaters - women or men will find it helpful. Each year 2/3s of people start a diet and 20% start a new diet each month. Yet 95% of diets aren’t successful.
I firmly believe that emotional eating to soothe difficult feelings is the culprit behind most of this failure. My book has a huge range of practical tips/strategies to help understand your emotions and manage your appetite. There are mini-quizes and real case studies.
It’s available to preorder on Amazon. Please remember that food can fuel your energy needs but not your emotional needs. Take care!
I'm delighted that my latest book Sex Academy was endorsed by my fellow self-help author Siski Green who said: "Sex Academy really is THE Bible of sex books. The lessons and lectures cover the A-Z of everything you want to know - from Anal sex to getting Zero sex." I hope you enjoy it!
I was so excited and HAPPY to write this book on happiness covering my 10 unique Happiness Principles. I hope it helps increase your well-being, contentment, and happiness. I've packed it with dozens and dozens of easy-to-use strategies, plus life-changing insights. Based on about five years of collecting case studies and research I hope you'll find it helpful.
My latest sex guide's out - I've gone through thousands of questions people ask me about sex - from why they don't feel desire to how to handle a partner's kinky fetish. Here are the answers plus loads of tricks and techniques. Enjoy!
Discover the relationship between your dreams and your sex- and love-life! Go on a journey of self-discovery in this unique dream book. Case studies, a dream directory, and ‘dreamersises’ help you interpret your dreams.
My research found if a couple's been together more than one year it's unlikely you've tried any new sex tip, trick or technique for at least four months! Rescue's at hand with my 250 hottest sex tips for every aspect of your sex life.
No couple or single can be without this unique, best-selling book containing a vast range of techniques, tricks and tips to turn your lover on. From attracting someone new to recharging your old relationship, Fabulous, explores each of the sexual senses in turn!
No. 1 selling book offering you tons of fantastic sex tips PLUS a new and revolutionary ways of looking at sexual pleasure and ‘problems‘ and how they fit into a person's whole life and relationships.
No. 1 selling sex book covering everything from how your body works to infinite sex tips. The Daily Star said: 'Sinful Sex has something for everyone'
A unique parenting book giving you creative techniques to understand your child better through their dreams and nightmares. These reveal so much about a child that most parents miss out on. Strengthen your parent-child relationship, their confidence and well-being!