Later today my weekly iVillage.co.uk blog goes live - I've answered a dilemma from a woman where her husband's depression and dope smoking is overwhelming - she feels swamped by it.
Smoking dope certainly isn't the answer to depression! If you're in this very trying situation please do check out my iVillage blog.she feels want
Yesterday on The Vanessa Show we chatted about sexual compatibility - when one of you has a different level of sex drive and whether you can overcome it - yes you can! It's the rare couple that are extremely compatible - most couples have to find some sort of compromise. Also your sex drive changes, ebbs and flows, and you have to understand that and not get upset when that happens.
TODAY’S THOUGHT: Here’s an easy breakdown of the things you should think about when you two have different levels of desire:
Your relationship: are there stresses and strains are affecting one of you more than the other? Does one of you manage to forget an argument and dive into bed for some sex but the other holds onto bad feelings?
Your lifestyle choices: does excessive drinking, drug-taking, late nights, even smoking cigarettes, take a toll on one of the more than the other?
Your health: does one of you take medication for a health problem that affects sex drive or have a medical condition that affects sex drive? Is the woman affected by her monthly cycle and if the man is over 40 is his testosterone level dropping?
Your responsibilities: does one of you work longer hours, get more stressed at work, or do the lion's share of childcare and get tired?
If you can pick through these things and establish what might be at the root of your sex drive differences you might find solutions.
And finally: your/your partner's technique: let's face it, if your partner's technique doesn't do it for you, your sex drive will plummet. The best way around this? Think of a subtle way to get them to touch you/kiss you differently... for instance, if they begin to do something that feels good, super-compliment them, tell them how fab it feels, tell them you want more... that way you get more of what they do right and less of what they do wrong.
Or think of a cunning way to introduce them to touching/kissing you in a way that you know you'll like.
Fantasy chat is a good way to do this. Ask them to be the ‘sexy doctor’ who seduces you – their patient. You can describe to them exactly where it "hurts" and as the sexy doctor they need to stroke/kiss/lick it better!
Good luck trying to sort this tricky problem - you don't want to end up in the situation Sue Marchant and I were chatting about last night on BBC radio Cambridgeshire and eastern regions - why people end up in affairs.
Take care, Pamx