It's time to recognise the "I'll be happy when..." syndrome!...
The Break-up Survival Guide
Top tips for moving into a new phase of your life
Breaking up is definitely hard to do - after all weren't you two supposed to face life together so how can you get over it falling apart?
All those hopes and dreams for romance and spending time together warts and all have crashed and burned. Worry not as here are seven steps to put into action:
Recovery Step 1: Take One Day at a Time
Become disciplined about taking each day as it comes. There's nothing worse than thinking things like: "Am I going to feel this way forever? This unbearable pain's never going to go away!"
Having a “these feelings are forever” attitude can slow your recovery. If you take a one-day-at-a-time approach it’s easier to manage your hurt and upset for that one day only. So stop looking into the future - you might be fine in only a week or two!
Recovery Step 2: Do Those Things
Research shows that one sure-fire way of speeding your recovery is to do the things that your ex-partner didn't like doing - and you missed out on. For instance, if you loved going out dancing - but they hated it because they had two left feet - make a point of going clubbing and taking some dance classes.
Enjoying what you've missed out on reminds you that you gave up a lot for this person - who might not have been worth it!
Recovery Step 3: Don't Stoop
Don't stoop to their level if they're being nasty in the aftermath of the breakup. And certainly don't stoop to revenge that might come back and bite you on the ‘proverbial’. Stooping to their level keeps you locked in an angry cycle. Research shows you're less likely to move on quickly if you get into a tit-for-tat situation.
When you feel the urge to reply to a nasty e-mail they've sent sit on that impulse. When you hear they've been saying bad things about you and you want to go on Facebook and trash them - resist. It really is true that the ‘better person’ - in terms of post-breakup behaviour - eventually comes out on top.
Recovery Step 4: They Might Have A Point
If your ex wanted the breakup you might be furious thinking that there's no way the relationship should've ended. But when you're having a calm moment try and put yourself in their shoes. What were their reasons really about? Did their reasons make sense for them?
Sometimes our breakup recovery is slowed down because we resist seeing what the truth was for them. We stay stuck in seeing only our view of the relationship. Definitely try and get your head around their reasoning to help you accept the situation.
Recovery Step 5: Lock-down Your Dialling Finger
It can be hard to resist making drunken, tearful late night calls to your ex. Even if you've done the breaking up it doesn't mean you don't get lonely - particularly late at night. But that's the worst time to make such a call.
For starters you might agree to take them back and regret it in the morning. And if they did the breaking up, in the morning your pride will be severely dented that you were begging them to take you back at 1 AM. Either way only ever consider making such calls in the cold, sober light of day.
Recovery Step 6: Don't Buy Into Romantic Myths
One problem that holds many heart-broken people from making a fresh start is believing myths like “there's only one true love out there for me” - there's not! There are many Mr. Potentials knocking about and you have the capacity to love more than one person in your life time.
Challenge such beliefs - after all you can love more than one friend and you love more than one family member - it's the same with men.
Recovery Step 7: Embrace Time As a Single
It's time to embrace the life you have right now. Just because it's a boyfriend-free-zone doesn't mean it can't be fantastic. Check any impulse to believe you have to have a man in your life for it to be a happy one.
Get out with your friends, plan some adventures, and learn to love spending time in your own company. Create some “traditions" with your single friends - like a monthly weekend break. If money's tight it can be piling over to one of your parents' homes.
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