Each week I'll select one e-mail to post here. You can ask me a question/dilemma or e-mail your thoughts on a new film, book, music, or anything that interests you.

PLEASE NOTE - I WILL NOT under any circumstances answer any personal e-mails, except for the one I post each week.

If you're unhappy/upset because of something going on in your life please contact the Samaritans (08457-90-90-90).

Look forward to hearing from you, Pam x

This Week

Have noticed someone else, help!

Hi Pam,

Hope you'll choose my e-mail as would like your opinion. I've been with a girl 3 years and she's great. But I’m doing a teacher's training course and have come across the most gorgeous girl I've ever seen.

Okay so I know it's probably just lust and what I have is so much more real etc. But I'm only human and the temptation is huge. Jack, 26

My Response:

Hi Jack,

So glad you got in touch because this is a very common problem - most people reading this will have felt that way at some point. And, cripes, it sounds like the grass looks much greener - or more gorgeous in your case!

There are two points I'd like to make - first, when you're in love with someone it's still natural to notice attractive colleagues as you have.

But second, it's very different when you become a bit obsessed with this person being 'gorgeous'.

That's when you need to ask what is going on in your actual relationship. Are you unfulfilled? Or are you simply being selfish and greedy and think a quick fling won't hurt?

And of course since you're 26 you need to ask yourself if you're not ready to settle down? Because an intense case of wandering eyes and the grass is greener could signal you just need to have more relationships before you do settle down.

Please do you think carefully about these questions. Do you need to do something to improve your relationship? Or is your relationship very good and you've unfortunately got hung up on this gorgeous colleague? And you need to fight this obsession.

I can't answer these questions for you and don't want to point you in one direction or the other because you haven't given me that much information.

And anyway it's very good "homework" to ask yourself such questions - as we all should about our relationships and our motives in different situations.

If you want to stick with this relationship then you should avoid being on your own with this woman where you might be tempted to flirt and get yourself into trouble. And if you do want to work on your relationship reassure yourself that these types of obsessions practically always die down - particularly if you can keep a bit of distance!

But that won't happen if you seek out her company - in that case it'll only fuel your fascination with her. Right now she is 'her royal gorgeousness' to you - but get into a fling, end up in a mess, and the grass green this very very quickly.

Best of luck thinking through these questions and coming up with truthful answers. And whatever you do, don't cheat on your girlfriend - let her go if it comes tot that.

Take care, Pam