Have an amazing weekend!

19/05/2012

Here's hoping the sun breaks through -- it has a bit my end!

I forgot to mention that my article about creating a step family or at least if you're dating someone with children went live yesterday afternoon on MSN UK - if you need some tips it's full of them. I've seen it from both sides as a step mum and my first marriage and in my second marriage my husband is step dad to my children. it's an amazing thing when you get it working and everyone feels appreciated!

Back on Monday, take care of yourself, Pamx

When collecting things turn into something darker, dating someone with children...

18/05/2012

Later today I have an article going live about dating someone with children - eesh there are so many rules and regulations to make this kind of relationship work! I'll tweet it later.

Are you a collector? Maybe it's china dolls, autographs, beer mats, stamps, Star Trek memorabilia, thimbles? Collecting is great, many people enjoy these hobbies but there is a slippery slope into obsessive collecting. I've commented about this in today's Sun newspaper - there's a story of one woman's My Little Pony collection - each to their own is what I say!

TODAY’S TIP: but when collecting turned into an obsession it can wreak havoc in your relationships and even your work. People get into debt adding to their collections. They can’t sleep at night and they lose their appetite.

If these things are happening to you, you have to set firm boundaries on the amount of time and money you allow for your obsession.

Enjoy it while it's fun but beware of the darker side!

Have a lovely weekend, Pamx

Date nights, wishing your partner was different in some way...

17/05/2012

Looking forward to chatting to Annie Othen on her BBC Radio Coventry and Warwickshire show this morning at 1045. Evidently David and Samantha Cameron have a regular date night - we're going to chat about thoses and if they work. I definitely do but some people think their waste of time...how can looking aft eryour relationship be a waste of time?

We're back to Thursday and that means I've just posted a new "your e-mail of the week" - thank you for all your e-mails! I'm really touched by some of the feedback! Today it's from ‘Alex’ [often e-mailers change their names - but I do if they don't] who loves brunettes but his with a blonde girlfriend and has a proposition for her. Check my advice at the gold star on my homepage.

TODAY’S TIP: we often end up with people who don't exactly fit our view of what's attractive - and it doesn't matter because we love their personalities so much.

And it's the personality that will keep you enthralled longer than whether or not someone has a particular hair colour.

Saying that I realise you can open up all sorts possibilities for sex-perimentation when it comes to having fun transforming your looks even just a little bit for some fantasy play.

Be open minded, try it you might like it... like having A different coloured wig for every occasion.

Happy Thursday, Pamx

If truth be told...little white lies can be a good thing...

16/05/2012

Do you tell those little white lies to make your partner feel good? I'm not talking big whoppers like covering up something bad like an affair - but those things that make us feel a bit better.

I've written a comment piece in today's Express newspaper about why we do this. It's off the back of a survey that found just how many men will fit to their partners to avoid a tiff while shopping... You can imagine that they fit the classic does my bum look big in this question!

It's good to be fun tonight on twitter as I'm helping to host a #LetsTalkAboutSex twitter party with iVillage UK where there'll be some prizes to give away and I'll be giving some advice.

Do join in from 9 PM - 10 PM - you might want to tweet something about relationships or comment on one of the questions we'll be asking. It's going to be informative and fun!

TODAY’S TIP: one of the biggest tips I have to offer about sex and relationships is about your confidence. When you have good, solid general confidence it's an amazing springboard for sorting out issues that every relationship has.

You can't throw two people together - despite them falling for each other - and not expect their two different sets of likes and dislikes, etc. not to cause conflict. Of course it will!

But when you have at least enough confidence you're much more likely to deal with it in a way that sorts it out and improves your relationship.

Keep boosting yours, be positive about yourself, Pamx

You don't have to let anger eat you up, are you dating a 'player'

15/05/2012

Inspiration this morning comes from hearing the Dalai Lama interviewed on BBC Radio 4. yesterday he was honoured with an annual Templeton prize worth 1,100,000 of which is giving the majority to Save the Children.

He discussed how he handles the emotion of anger - he doesn't 'do it' - he says that allowing himself to get angry harms him more then whatever he's angry about. He obviously doesn't let anger eats him up the way sadly too many do.

Interested in someone but can't tell they're a bit of a game player? Sometimes we're drawn like magnets to people we know might not be very reliable, etc. it's a challenge - you probably realize that you might be finding it hard to resist. I've tackled this issue in my weekly Love Clinic at iVillage UK. Check it out if you're in this situation.

TODAY’S TIP: there are two simple rules to follow in these situations – 1/ what's your intuition telling you? Listen to it! It's probably right about this person.

2/ What's your motivation for wanting to get involved with someone like that? Do you like a bit of a drama? Or is your self-esteem quiet living you figure you can't do any better?

Handle these situations very carefully so you don't get burnt. Understand what your motivation is to be involved with this sort of person and it'll make you stronger.

Take care, Pamx

As tweeted about - a little article on anxiety...

14/05/2012

Worrying Women: Are You Part of The Female Anxiety-Plague?

Let me help you overcome anxiety

Recent shocking statistics from the Mental Health Foundation suggest 7 million of us suffer anxiety. We all know how unpleasant those stomach-churning, fear-inducing feelings can be. I find women in particular have certain anxieties revolving around how we feel in comparison to others. With anxieties involving things like do we look as good, are we achieving as much, are our relationships as happy, children as well-behaved, etc., as those around us.

Take my mini-quiz to identify your levels of the female anxiety-plague:

1/ Do anxious feelings drive you to negative behaviours like comfort eating or drinking?

A/Yes, I have a big problem reacting in negative ways to anxiety

B/Sometimes I do negative things like comfort eat when feeling anxious

C/No, I don't react to anxiety in this way

2/ Do you compare yourself unfavourably in any way to the women you know?

A/Yes, I'm always comparing myself negatively to other women

B/Sometimes I compare myself unfavourably

C/I don't compare myself unfavourably 

3/ How frequently do you worry about being "good enough" - whether in the way you look or in what you do -

A/ I'm always worrying about being "good enough"

B/I sometimes worry about being "good enough"

C/I rarely/don't worry about being "good enough"

4/ How often does anxiety keep you awake at night?

A/Most nights I lie awake feeling anxious

B/Some nights I lie awake feeling anxious

C/Rarely do I lie awake because of anxiety

5/ Do you constantly worry about having to "prove" yourself (e.g., that you're doing well, that your relationship is great, etc.) even to your friends?

A/ I'm often trying to show/prove how well I'm doing to others

B/I sometimes think about how I can prove myself

C/I never/rarely worry about proving myself

3-5 A Answers: SKY-HIGH ANXIETY – you're part of the female anxiety plague

You’re prone to damaging levels of anxiety. The sooner you address this, the better. The longer anxiety affects you, the more entrenched it can become with 3 to 4% of the population suffering serious generalised anxiety disorder (GAD). Those with GAD feel anxious with almost every waking moment.

Take action on anxiety now:

Take Control - Right now anxiety is controlling you rather than you controlling it. Keep a diary for a week of your anxious thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. Then examine it and familiarise yourself with "the enemy" - your anxiety. Note when your anxiety peaks and what sets it off, etc.

Understand The Enemy - Having familiarised yourself with the pattern of your anxiety over a week think about what you've learnt. Maybe you’ve identified that particular people or situations that make you anxious. Then, once anxious, you respond in negative ways. If so, question yourself why you give them this power over your feelings, leaving you anxious?

Plan Your Tactics - Maybe you need to assert yourself with certain people or start expecting a more positive response from yourself. Plan what you need to say and practice it, giving you confidence to set your boundaries.  Or maybe you need to stop putting people on a pedestal. Practice visualising others as ordinary people doing ordinary things. Get quirky and imagine them in the bathroom! This’ll help get them off those pedestals you've put them on.

Stop Comparing - You've got that little "devil on your shoulder" that keeps comparing you to others around you. The moment it starts chattering is the moment you tell it to "stop!" You have the power to silence those nagging doubts making you anxious that you're not as good as others. It takes practice and needs to become a habit. Just as your habit to compare yourself unfavourably to others needs to be broken.

Out of Sight, Out Of Mind – While chipping away at your anxieties avoid dwelling on fashion magazines, etc., that make you angst over how you don't "look like others".

Do You Own PR - Not only should you "talk yourself up" daily but you should learn to sing your praises to others where beneficial. It's no good slaving away on a project that your manager’s too busy to notice. Ask them for five minutes and give them "the headlines" of what you've accomplished. You can share your successes, ideas, and happy moments with friends and family without sounding arrogant or self-centred.  And it gives you a chance to ask them about theirs.

See Your GP for potential CBT referral - If you can't get anxiety under control then definitely ask for referral for cognitive behavioural therapy.

1-2 A Answers: RISKY-LEVEL ANXIETY - you're susceptible to the female anxiety plague

Although you don't have sky high anxiety you need to prevent anxious feelings getting out of control. Try the suggestions above.

No A Answers: LOW RISK ANXIETY – you're at very low risk to the female anxiety plague

You're able to challenge anxious feelings and keep things in perspective. At the heart of the female anxiety plague is an urge to compare yourself. You’re more concerned with getting on with your own life than worrying about how others live. That's the right attitude!

An edited version of this was published in The Express Newspaper

Love a bit of romance, getting better sex and love...

14/05/2012

Hope your weekend was everything you wanted! If you ended up rowing with your partner take a good look at how YOU can make things better? You'll get farther than just finger pointing at them.

Lovely to see Lady Gaga is engaged - well at least she's flashing a big rock - she's always struck me as someone who's had the highs and lows in relationships. Love a bit of romance! 

Preparing for a twitter party I'm hosting Wednesday night for iVillage UK about getting better sex and love - it's going to be fun - exact details on Wednesday that it will be between 9 and 10 PM - with some lovely little giveaways too.

Apart from the usual chores [boring!] had a great weekend seeing Robin Ince’s comedy show and then friends came over for a barbecue yesterday.

TODAY’S TIP: Loneliness is a big problem so if you felt lonely over the weekend make a plan today for one step you can take to meeting some new friends.

The best tip? Check out local adult evening classes into something you're interested in - wine tasting, salsa dancing, history, art, what ever you like you'll meet like-minded people.

Also don't forget to try and be a bit friendlier at work and suggest to a colleague you like going out for drinks one night after work. Sometimes colleagues become really good friends so don't hold back.

Get out there and make the most of things, Pamx

Have a lovely weekend and get some comedy in your life...

12/05/2012

Can't wait to go see Robin Ince's show tonight - he's the master of comedy that is smart and always surprising.

There's nothing like a comedy night to produce lots of those feel-good endorphins. Research shows that a good laugh boosts these important bran chemicals that lift your mood. I always advise people are feeling a bit low watch their favorite comedy DVD or old sitcom.

Hope you're planning a lovely weekend - definitely connect with a friend, family member, someone you care about! I hear from so many people who stay isolated at the weekend - sometimes just because they're catching up on chores - everyone needs a bit of ‘people contact’.

TODAY’S TIP: Have been asked a lot of parenting dilemmas recently and here's a thought:

when it comes to anything we do as parents we need to question our motivation - we all hear about those parents who live their dreams to their children. Will sometimes parents do things so they can stay emotionally over-close to their children.

Always good to explore the motivations behind the choices you make for the love and care you give your child.

Love them to bits but don't use them to fill some emotional need in you. Hmm, big stuff for a weekend!

Have a lovely one, Pamx

Good vibrations, getting back with an ex...

11/05/2012

You might be an old hand at playing with sex toys but if you haven't experimented much with them check out my Sun newspaper online column today - my Sex and Love Academy offers lots of tips for good vibrations.

Also in the Sun today I've commented about why Rihanna seems to be on such a public downward spiral. If it's more than "partying" I hope she - and anyone in that situation - gets the help they need. please don't hide from your demons, face them.

With Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel spotted out this week back together again - are you thinking of getting back with your ex? I've written an article about making it work the second time around on MSN UK Her channel that's gone live.

Relationship research shows that something like 80% of couples do try again - usually almost immediately after the first breakup.

How many go on to have a successful second stab at love isn't known - but you can definitely enhance your chances with the tips in my article.

TODAY’S TIP: this issue of getting back together again only came up recently - I think within the last week as it's so common - the key thing is to be honest about the issue or issues that broke you up: have they changed? If they haven't changed, can you change them now and do you both recognise they need to be sorted out?

Because otherwise you’ll breakup over the same things a second time around... and maybe even a third time.

Have a lovely weekend, Pamx

Upset with "lazy" partner, marriage for all...

10/05/2012

As usual on a Thursday I've just posted a new "your e-mail of the week" - this week it's from ‘Tom’ who's wife lost her job and isn't bothered about looking for another - much to his annoyance. Take a look at the gold star on my homepage and what my thoughts were.

Thank you so much for all of your e-mails - sorry I can only answer one each week but I try my best!

TODAY’S TIP: Tom raises the issue of ambition and drive. Often we end up with like-minded people who have similar goals. But if you find you're with someone who has far more are far less dry than you it's important to be aware these things can really start irritating.

The only way is the magic C word - communication! But only discuss it when you're both in good moods because otherwise this sort of issue ends up in a row.

So looking forward to seeing Matilda the Musical tonight - what a treat!

Obama rocks - the first US president to ever come out in support of gay marriage - love for all marriage for those who want it!

Happy Thursday, Pamx