40+ women will recognise mirror angst "syndrome" where they become acutely aware and overly...
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For work queries only please contact my agency on 020-7836-3941 - thank you.
Thanks for checking out my site - the ENTIRE point is FREE self-help with agony aunt-style advice on lots of topics. That said, no article (in full or in part) may be reprinted or used (apart from reading it on this site) without my express premission.
I work as an agony aunt, life and solutions coach, commentator and writer on sex, relationships, and behaviour.
I hope you'll find the articles & tips useful! I've sorted them into the main areas of: sex, love & relationships, parenting, life coaching, and others.
Please get in touch about anything else at 'e-mail me' on my homepage - would love to answer every e-mail but as I run my site without assistance and work full-time sadly I can't. So I select 1 per week to answer on Thursdays.
In my work as an agony aunt, solutions coach and writer I've written 13 self-help books my latest are Sex Academy, How to be a Happy Human and Steamy Sex I'm also...Read More »
...an occasional broadcaster - bit of radio & telly - so a little bit of everything to do with life.
Love having provided lots of sex and love tips in my fortnightly online sex and love advice column for the Sun newspaper that I've been writing for a few years. It was called 'Sex and Love Academy' - and now we've launched a new online column - Dr Pam's Pleasure Zone - please do visit the Sun online and a new column goes live every other Friday from 10th January 2014. It's full of top tips.
Recently I did a fun project as a regular celebrity news/relationships commentator on a small satellite show - fab to have new experiences.
Last summer I presented a series of agony aunt programmes on BBC radio Western regions - it was so much fun - worked with a great team and heard from many lovely people.
Occasionally I pop up on different TV programmes as an agony aunt and social commentator like This Morning, BBC Breakfast, Daybreak, Loose Women, Sky News, the spin off Big Brother programmes and was a regular guest on the Vanessa Show on C5.
Since 1997 I've presented radio programmes and was over-the-moon to win a Sony radio award when I was at Heart 106.2 FM. That's the only award I've ever won - I'm not counting a fashion award I won in high school, for creating an entire outfit out of purple - quite frankly my fashion sense nowadays could be politely described as "eclectic".
For two years I had a weekly agony slot on Tom Dunne's show on Dublin Newstalk radio as well as lots of freelancing on various stations - popping up weekly on stations around the country - and used to do a weekly slot on George Lamb's previous BBC 6 Music shows...Oh George, that was quite an experience!
I've previously worked as a psychologist getting my doctorate in psychology from a London teaching hospital where I researched how to help parents whose children had emotional and/or behavioural problems. I've done a number of other courses in psychology - my BSc Hons in psychology from a London university, MPhil in psychology from the London teaching hospital I received my PhD from + ad hoc counselling-type and self-improvement/life-coaching courses. I'm a Chartered Research, Teaching & Academic psychologist with the BPS.
I have worked with a number of charities and presently am a patron of Kids in the Middle that advises parents who are breaking up on how to help their children during this difficult time.
It's fun writing a weekly 'Love Doc' page for Miss Independent Woman website - check them out here!
I also support the fantastic work of Kevin Healey and to his autism bullying campaign as well as being a founding member of Kids in the Middle - a charity that aims to promote awareness in parents who are breaking up and how this can affect their children.
I'm delighted to support Saying Goodbye a charity supporting and providing national services for those who have suffered a miscarriage, still birth or early years loss.
No two days are the same and I enjoy fresh challenges and always look for new things to do. Please check out my weekly agony column on iVillage.co.uk and my regular contributions to MSN.co.uk, as well as the Goodtoknow.co.uk, Men's Health, Orange and GQ websites amongst others.
I hope you find the site helpful - it's packed with tips and advice - and more to come. Keep checking in for updates!
Keep happy, keep hopeful, Dr Pam x
p.s My 'loves' include: anything made of chocolate (I'm a complete chocoholic) + music including artists/bands - off the top of my head and in a completely random order - Foos, Kings of Leon, Bloc Party, XX, The Drums, Wild Beast, Phoenix, Filthy Dukes, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, the Strokes, The Dead Weather, Them Crooked Vultures, Jack White, Alabama Shakes, Biffy Clyro, Enter Shakari, MGMT, Band of Horses, Arcade Fire, White Lies, Example, Calvin Harris, Mark Ronson, Black Keys, Plan B, MIA, Tinie Tempah, Tinchy Stryder, Dizzee Rascal, JayZ, plus newcomers like AWOL Nation, TEED, Wretch 32, Angel, Jay James Picton, Kendrick Lamar, Spector, Wolfgang, Ed Sheeran and Liam Bailey, Ben Howard, plus dubstep Magnetic Man, Modestep, Nero and Katy B + so many more... like the amazingly fab Lady Gaga to poptastic (sometimes guilty) pleasures like The Sugababes, Girls Aloud, Britney, Take That + great books like anything by John Irving, William Boyd, Robert Harris, and Lionel Shriver + travel including places like Peru, Cuba and India + films of all genres + lots of other stuff like going to galleries, the theatre + action sports - I've been a black belt in Shotokan Karate for years but haven't been able to train for a few years due to a major accident (funny enough not related to Karate). And my biggest loves of all are my hubby and children.
My 'hates' include...well, I might just keep those to myself.
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Celebrating the Oscars this week I’ve written my Sun newspaper online column about getting a love life like the stars.
It’s a fun column this week and with lots of top tips for having a sex life like a Hollywood star as well as a gorgeous giveaway from Ann Summers - check it out and good luck with the giveaway!
Have a fun, relaxed and maybe sexy weekend, Pamx
As it’s what I call National Agony Aunt Day I’ve answered one woman’s dilemma about her fiance always wanting sex in the morning and never in the evening when she prefers it.
If this rings a bell with you please check my homepage at the “dilemma I’ve answered this week”. I hope my suggestions are helpful.
Take care, Pamx
When we fall in love and get in a relationship with someonewe're bound to come across ‘mentions’ or pictures of their ex - their ex was part of their life and I don’t know anyone who hasn’t been in this position. But these ex-based memories upset many.
We’re discussing this on my ‘Love Doc’ slot today at 8:05 AM with Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show.
I think people get this back to front - and forget that the person they’re in love with now became that person because of their past experiences – including their past relationships! Wouldn’t it be rather odd if they had never had a relationship before they met you? Turn your thinking around and accept that you wouldn’t have wanted them in some sort of non-relationship bubble until the day they met the wonderful you!
Of course no one should shove pictures of their ex in your face and it’s emotionally unhealthy for them to dwell on pictures or memories of their ex. But if their ex happens to be in group pictures from events in their past, what do you expect them to do? Cut them out with scissors? Seems a bit extreme.
TODAY’S TIP: Don’t forget you have a past – you undoubtedly had an ex or two or more - would you deny your past? Nope - you see it as your life experiences and that’s how you need to view your partner and their past.
Take care of your relationship, Pamx
It's National Agony Aunt Day and today I've answered “Tanya’s” dilemma about her boyfriend not treating her the way anyone should be treated. Check my homepage for my advice on this is sadly all too common problem.
I hope you can use the tips in my answer if someone’s not treating you very well!
Take care of yourself, Pamx
Could you ever forgive a fling or indiscretion that occurs when your other half is on their respective Hen or Stag dos? I’m discussing this issue this morning on my ‘Love Doc’ slot at 7:50 AM with Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show.
Unfortunately I hear about this occurring more and more - to be honest I get annoyed that people think that to have fun they must have one last sexual adventure - but how would they feel if that’s how their fiance felt too? Would they want them to have that last fling on their hen or stag do? I doubt it.
Go into marriage with that attitude and your marriage probably won’t survive - because that attitude tells me you’ll be the type of person to make excuses for your bad behaviour.
Saying that, if the shoe's on the other foot and it’s your bride or groom-to-be who does the ‘dirty’ on you then you have to think very carefully about whether you want to go into the marriage or perhaps postpone it. And if you do decide to still get married you must explore why it happened, how this can be prevented, and how you can move on and strengthen your relationship.
TODAY’S TIP: The guilty party needs to well-and-truly get their act together and make it up on a daily basis with good behaviour.
You must both agree to move forward and sing from the same page - agreeing what you’ll do to protect your relationship, how you will prevent this in the future, etc.
Don’t sweep it under the carpet - these things have a way of growing bigger and making a bigger “carpet lump” as I call them. The bigger the carpet lump the bigger the fall when you trip on it and it comes back to haunt you in future because you didn’t deal with the issue.
And if you’re trying to move forward together, don’t raise the fling in every argument you have instead keep focused on whatever the present issue is - it’s so easy to make the fling your default ‘emotional’ (not physical!) slap in the face to pay back your partner.
If you’re headed on to your stag or hen and you know there’s going to be lots of alcohol tone it down and think before you leap into something your regret, Pamx
Fetishes are far more common than you’d think and many are really quite innocent even if they seem slightly odd. Of course there are some much darker and disturbing fetishes but I’m not talking about those here.
In my Miss Independent Woman website Love Doc page this week I’ve answered one woman’s dilemma about her boyfriend’s foot fetish. If this is something that has touched your life or you’ve wondered about please do check my advice here.
TODAY’S TIP: The best tip when it comes to fetishes is don’t panic if you discover the person you love - or are involved with - has one (I’m talking a consenting adult style fetish that’s not harmful). Because often someone panics and rejects a partner when if they stop and think carefully about what their partner has described its actually not so bad.
If you’re in a good relationship please take the time to discover what your partner means by their fetish.
Take care, Pamx
With yet another survey confirming that many women fake orgasm I’ve provided tips in my Pleasure Zone - my Sun newspaper online column for her and for him to try.
There are many reasons why women fake it but often because they feel shy about sharing with him what works for them. Some women don’t want to hurt his feelings because they worry he’ll take it personally if they have difficulties climaxing. But actually it’s not “difficulties” climaxing in so many women experience this.
So take a look here - PLUS there's also a fabulous giveaway from the lovely people at Ann Summers - check my column for that too.
TODAY’S TIP: Keep this firmly in mind: your partner wants to know what works for you and if you tell them in a loving, sensual voice what turns you on your going to turn them on massively.
Happy loving and happy weekend, Pamx
It's "National Agony Aunt Day" (thanks for all your emails) and today I've answered “Jonathan’s” question about being teased at work about his OCD. As it's OCD week of awareness this week I thought this topic would be on many people’s minds.
TODAY’S TIP: Do check my advice to him on my homepage at the ‘answer to this week’s dilemma’.
Remember there's help out there - it may take time and effort to get it - but it’s worth it. The OCD helpline's at end of my advice to him.
Look after yourself, Pamx
Do you have FOMOOT? That's fear of missing out on TV - a new and worrying phenomenon I've commented about in today's Sun newspaper here... a must-read if you feel pressure to constantly tweet or post on FaceBook about TV programmes you're watching.
Over to your love life and social networking - I’m sure there are a number of books on social networking and relationships and I could certainly write one on the positives and pitfalls of social networking and relationships.
Today on my ‘Love Doc’ slot today at 8:05 AM with Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show we’re talking about a couple of the pitfalls.
For instance, when your partner doesn’t want you to be a friend on Facebook - are they hiding something? Or do they just not want to live out of each other’s pockets?
Or how about flirting online – it’s so common and some people might think they’re flirting innocently but when their partner sees it they’re very hurt by it.
After that I'm chatting love and lust at first sight with the radio presenter Mike Parr on BBC Tees radio at 10:00 AM - I've always said it's lust at first sight that can develop into love and new research confirms this.
TODAY’S TIP: Back to social networking the key to networking and relationships and so many other issues is the “C”-word – communication. When you can have open and honest chats about how you use social networking you build the trust between you.
Start working on this today to make sure it’s a positive for your relationship and not a pitfall.
All my best, Pamx
Finding love is a wonderful goal but it can be very stressful to reach. At the 10:30 AM I’m discussing this with the lovely BBC radio presenter Annie Othen on her show on BBC Coventry and Warwickshire. I hope you can listen in on the net and join in with your thoughts.
We’re talking about the various methods to increase your chances to find that special person.
TODAY’S TIP: there are increasing opportunities online but my biggest tip is never to take your eye off the “real life” ball - wherever you go, whoever you meet remember they may be someone special.
Widen your circle of opportunity!
Good luck to you, Pamx
I'm delighted that my latest book Sex Academy was endorsed by my fellow self-help author Siski Green who said: "Sex Academy really is THE Bible of sex books. The lessons and lectures cover the A-Z of everything you want to know - from Anal sex to getting Zero sex." I hope you enjoy it!
I was so excited and HAPPY to write this book on happiness covering my 10 unique Happiness Principles. I hope it helps increase your well-being, contentment, and happiness. I've packed it with dozens and dozens of easy-to-use strategies, plus life-changing insights. Based on about five years of collecting case studies and research I hope you'll find it helpful.
My latest sex guide's out - I've gone through thousands of questions people ask me about sex - from why they don't feel desire to how to handle a partner's kinky fetish. Here are the answers plus loads of tricks and techniques. Enjoy!
Discover the relationship between your dreams and your sex- and love-life! Go on a journey of self-discovery in this unique dream book. Case studies, a dream directory, and ‘dreamersises’ help you interpret your dreams.
My research found if a couple's been together more than one year it's unlikely you've tried any new sex tip, trick or technique for at least four months! Rescue's at hand with my 250 hottest sex tips for every aspect of your sex life.
No couple or single can be without this unique, best-selling book containing a vast range of techniques, tricks and tips to turn your lover on. From attracting someone new to recharging your old relationship, Fabulous, explores each of the sexual senses in turn!
No. 1 selling book offering you tons of fantastic sex tips PLUS a new and revolutionary ways of looking at sexual pleasure and ‘problems‘ and how they fit into a person's whole life and relationships.
No. 1 selling sex book covering everything from how your body works to infinite sex tips. The Daily Star said: 'Sinful Sex has something for everyone'
A unique parenting book giving you creative techniques to understand your child better through their dreams and nightmares. These reveal so much about a child that most parents miss out on. Strengthen your parent-child relationship, their confidence and well-being!