As Brangelina break up, tips parents must use when breaking up...
The children of...
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For all work enquiries please contact Nick at Nick@nrhmanagement
Thanks for checking out my site - the entire point is free self-help with agony aunt-style advice on lots of topics. That said, no article (in full or in part) may be reprinted or used without my premission.
I work as a self help expert, life and solutions coach, commentator and writer on sex, relationships, and behaviour and agony aunt.
I hope you'll find the articles & tips useful! I've sorted them into the main areas of: sex, love & relationships, parenting, life coaching, and others.
Please get in touch at 'e-mail me' on my homepage - I'd love to answer every e-mail but as I run my site without assistance and work full-time sadly I can't.
In my work as an agony aunt, solutions coach and writer I've written 14 self-help books, my latest are Sex Academy, How to be a Happy Human and The Emotional Eater's Diet. I'm also...Read More »
...an occasional broadcaster doing a bit of radio & TV.
For over three years I've had a fortnightly online sex and love advice column for the Sun newspaper - please do visit the Sun online - a new column goes live every other Friday full of top tips on sex and love.
Recently I did a fun project as a regular celebrity news/relationships commentator on a small satellite show and I pop up on different TV programmes as an agony aunt and social commentator like This Morning, BBC Breakfast, Loose Women, Sky News, and the spin off Big Brother programmes.
Since 1997 I've presented radio programmes and was over-the-moon to win a Sony radio award when I was at Heart FM London here I presented shows for five years. I then presented for 4 1/2 years on LBC before going freelance. Since then I've presented and 'guested' on a huge number of BBC regional stations inclduing BBC London, Western regions and Surrey and Sussex.
For two years I had a weekly agony slot on Tom Dunne's show on Dublin Newstalk radio as well as a weekly dream analysis slot on George Lamb's previous BBC 6 Music shows.
I've previously worked as a psychologist getting my doctorate in psychology from a London teaching hospital where I researched how to help parents whose children had emotional and/or behavioural problems. I've done a number of other courses in psychology - my BSc Hons in psychology from a London university, MPhil in psychology from the London teaching hospital I received my PhD from + ad hoc counselling-type and self-improvement/life-coaching courses. I'm a Chartered Research, Teaching & Academic psychologist with the BPS.
I have worked with a number of charities and presently am a patron of Kids in the Middle that advises parents who are breaking up on how to help their children during this difficult time.
It's fun writing a weekly 'Love Doc' page for Miss Independent Woman website - check them out here! And I'm starting a new agony column with the Yummy Mummy website.
I also support the fantastic work of Kevin Healey and to his autism bullying campaign as well as being a founding member of Kids in the Middle - a charity that aims to promote awareness in parents who are breaking up and how this can affect their children.
I'm delighted to support Saying Goodbye a charity supporting and providing national services for those who have suffered a miscarriage, still birth or early years loss.
No two days are the same and I enjoy fresh challenges and always look for new things to do having written self-help columns and articles for many websites and magazines.
I hope you find the site helpful - it's packed with tips and advice - and more to come. Keep checking in for updates!
Keep happy, keep hopeful, Dr Pam x
p.s My 'loves' include: anything made of chocolate (I'm a complete chocoholic) + music including artists/bands - off the top of my head and in a completely random order - Foos, Kings of Leon, Royal Blood, Pulled Apart by Horses, Jack White, Mallory Knox, Bloc Party, XX, The Drums, Wild Beasts, Phoenix, Filthy Dukes, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, the Strokes, The Dead Weather, Them Crooked Vultures, Alabama Shakes, Biffy Clyro, Enter Shakari, MGMT, Band of Horses, Arcade Fire, White Lies, Example, Calvin Harris, Mark Ronson, Black Keys, Plan B, MIA, Tinie Tempah, Tinchy Stryder, Dizzee Rascal, JayZ, plus AWOL Nation, TEED, Wretch 32, Angel, Jay James Picton, Kendrick Lamar, Spector, Wolfgang, Ed Sheeran and Liam Bailey, Ben Howard, plus dubstep Magnetic Man, Modestep, Nero and Katy B + so many more... like poptastic (and sometimes guilty) pleasures like The Sugababes, Girls Aloud, Britney, Take That + great books like anything by John Irving, William Boyd, Robert Harris, and Lionel Shriver + travel including places like Peru, Cuba, Cambodia, Thailand and India + films of all genres + lots of other stuff like going to galleries, the theatre + action sports like water skiing, skiing, paragliding, hiking and I've been a black belt in Shotokan Karate for years but haven't been able to train for a few years due to a major accident (not related to Karate).
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In today's I've commented on Zoe and Norman's breakup. Evidently it's amicable which is wonderful for the children's sake. But it flags up the issues other couples might face if one or other – or both – have struggled with alcohol or substance issues.
Here's the story and comment in the Mirror.
If you're struggling with such issues:
*It's crucial to come clean to yourself, and also loved ones, that you’re on a downward spiral and are trying to rectify this.
*Live strictly one-day-at-a-time - making the best of each day, managing yuor issue/s for that dway only - so you're not daunted by what could seem an impossible challenge to change your life 'forever'.
*Become aware of what ‘triggers’ send you reaching for the bottle/substances. Triggers range from feeling bad about yourself because of the way, e.g., a partner or boss treats you, to becoming overstressed, or many other potential triggers.
*See your GP about potential depression, anxiety, and if counselling is offered.
*Your behaviour’s likely to go hand-in-hand with obsessive and other addictive behaviours so keep a diary of your behaviours that potentially damage you. This’ll give a clearer picture of what your destructive behaviour.
*Get support from a relevant 12 step programme.
*Enlist a ‘crisis buddy’ - someone trustworthy - that you can call when you feel you’re slipping.
Take care of yourself, Pam x
The children of parents who are breaking up are on my mind right now with Brad and Angelina going separate ways. I’m not going to comment on them here except to say I’m surprised when I see people saying they are “so sad” about it. Really? Have they bought into the Hollywood hype that this was the perfect couple?
Let’s not forget A-listers are notorious for their super-sized egos and wanting to do things their way. So compromise – a valuable ingredient to a successful relationship - usually isn’t in their vocabulary.
But back to the all-important children. Here are tips you need to follow if you’re breaking up.
First and foremost always keep in mind if you try and ‘damage’ your ex - directly or indirectly - you only end up damaging your children in some way. A damaged parent is a parent who can’t fully be a parent.
*Never forget your children are ‘emotional sponges’. They’ll absorb any acrimony between you.
*Do you let them know what’s happening particularly with practical matters like one parent (usually the father) moving out.
*Emphasise the good that can come from new arrangements like having ‘special time’ with each parent.
*Give them age-appropriate information. You know them best and can judge what they can cope with knowing. Never give details of personal difficulties between you two. Instead keep it general that "mummy and daddy don't get along anymore." Impress upon them that their well-being’s most important to you both.
*Always stress the break up is not your children's fault. Children often harbour feelings that they've behaved badly and it's affected mum and dad's relationship.
*Resist any urge to criticise your ex-partner in front of your children. This is particularly hurtful to them.
*Definitely seek out mediation services like National Family Mediation (nfm.org.uk). These can offer a safe place to negotiate your differences.
*During and after the breakup agree contact with each other: the form it takes - by phone and/or in person - and how often it occurs. Agreeing such ground rules gives clarity when you both feel upset.
*Be clear when one of you oversteps the mark. Don't let your boundaries slip in the volatile post-breakup months as they’ll be more difficult to reinstate.
*Treat your partner’s feelings considerately without giving false hope of a possible reunion. This is a delicate balancing act with an ex-partner who didn't want the breakup. Rise above their animosity. be the better person - it counts with your children!
*Do lean on friends/family for support as you recover from the breakup. Hiding your heartbreak can only make it worse.
*Face each day as it comes - some days you'll be upbeat, thinking you're over the worst, only to be hit by a bad day. Don't let it shake your confidence!
*Focus on the ‘new life’ that’s yours to have - you can do things that your Ex didn't want to, and there’s no longer friction/upset in your life.
*When ready, enjoy some dating but look for fun and friendship rather than plunging into a rebound relationship. Research shows 90% of these come unstuck.
*Finally, with the best will in the world if you’re at odds with a very angry partner it may be hard to have anything but an acrimonious divorce. The best you can do is keep trying to do the best you can do!
Unfortunately in my line of work I hear from lots of amazing curvy women who are embarrassed in the bedroom about their bodies. It's important to embrace yourself and enjoy a good sex life.
I’m excited that my new book ‘THE LAWS OF SISTERHOOD - The girlfriends’ guide to successful dating and finding the one’ is available to preorder on Amazon.
I hope you find it a unique guide that emphasises how single friends can help each other make the most of the dating scene. As well as containing a vast array of tips and techniques to help you to dating success - everything from the first date, online dating, the signals he gives out through different behaviours, and how to improve your own signals are included.
“Pam’s dating book is inspired and will make you a much more attractive and confident date” Jo Hemmings, Behavioural psychologist and author
My new book The Emotional Eater's Diet is published in the UK on May 15 - I’m very excited as I hope emotional eaters - women or men will find it helpful. Each year 2/3s of people start a diet and 20% start a new diet each month. Yet 95% of diets aren’t successful.
I firmly believe that emotional eating to soothe difficult feelings is the culprit behind most of this failure. My book has a huge range of practical tips/strategies to help understand your emotions and manage your appetite. There are mini-quizes and real case studies.
It’s available to preorder on Amazon. Please remember that food can fuel your energy needs but not your emotional needs. Take care!
I'm delighted that my latest book Sex Academy was endorsed by my fellow self-help author Siski Green who said: "Sex Academy really is THE Bible of sex books. The lessons and lectures cover the A-Z of everything you want to know - from Anal sex to getting Zero sex." I hope you enjoy it!
I was so excited and HAPPY to write this book on happiness covering my 10 unique Happiness Principles. I hope it helps increase your well-being, contentment, and happiness. I've packed it with dozens and dozens of easy-to-use strategies, plus life-changing insights. Based on about five years of collecting case studies and research I hope you'll find it helpful.
My latest sex guide's out - I've gone through thousands of questions people ask me about sex - from why they don't feel desire to how to handle a partner's kinky fetish. Here are the answers plus loads of tricks and techniques. Enjoy!
Discover the relationship between your dreams and your sex- and love-life! Go on a journey of self-discovery in this unique dream book. Case studies, a dream directory, and ‘dreamersises’ help you interpret your dreams.
My research found if a couple's been together more than one year it's unlikely you've tried any new sex tip, trick or technique for at least four months! Rescue's at hand with my 250 hottest sex tips for every aspect of your sex life.
No couple or single can be without this unique, best-selling book containing a vast range of techniques, tricks and tips to turn your lover on. From attracting someone new to recharging your old relationship, Fabulous, explores each of the sexual senses in turn!
No. 1 selling book offering you tons of fantastic sex tips PLUS a new and revolutionary ways of looking at sexual pleasure and ‘problems‘ and how they fit into a person's whole life and relationships.
No. 1 selling sex book covering everything from how your body works to infinite sex tips. The Daily Star said: 'Sinful Sex has something for everyone'
A unique parenting book giving you creative techniques to understand your child better through their dreams and nightmares. These reveal so much about a child that most parents miss out on. Strengthen your parent-child relationship, their confidence and well-being!