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About Me

Thanks for checking out my site - the entire point is free self-help with agony aunt-style advice on lots of topics. That said, no article (in full or in part) may be reprinted or used without my premission.

I work as a self help expert, life and solutions coach, commentator and writer on sex, relationships, and behaviour and agony aunt.

I hope you'll find the articles & tips useful! I've sorted them into the main areas of: sex, love & relationships, parenting, life coaching, and others.

Please get in touch at 'e-mail me' on my homepage - I'd love to answer every e-mail but as I run my site without assistance and work full-time sadly I can't.

In my work as an agony aunt, solutions coach and writer I've written 14 self-help books, my latest are Sex Academy, How to be a Happy Human and The Emotional Eater's Diet. I'm also...

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...an occasional broadcaster doing a bit of radio & TV.

For over three years I've had a fortnightly online sex and love advice column for the Sun newspaper - please do visit the Sun online - a new column goes live every other Friday full of top tips on sex and love.

Recently I did a fun project as a regular celebrity news/relationships commentator on a small satellite show and I pop up on different TV programmes as an agony aunt and social commentator like This Morning, BBC Breakfast, Loose Women, Sky News, and the spin off Big Brother programmes.

Since 1997 I've presented radio programmes and was over-the-moon to win a Sony radio award when I was at Heart FM London here I presented shows for five years. I then presented for 4 1/2 years on LBC before going freelance. Since then I've presented and 'guested' on a huge number of BBC regional stations inclduing BBC London, Western regions and Surrey and Sussex.

For two years I had a weekly agony slot on Tom Dunne's show on Dublin Newstalk radio as well as a weekly dream analysis slot on George Lamb's previous BBC 6 Music shows.

I've previously worked as a psychologist getting my doctorate in psychology from a London teaching hospital where I researched how to help parents whose children had emotional and/or behavioural problems. I've done a number of other courses in psychology - my BSc Hons in psychology from a London university, MPhil in psychology from the London teaching hospital I received my PhD from + ad hoc counselling-type and self-improvement/life-coaching courses. I'm a Chartered Research, Teaching & Academic psychologist with the BPS.

I have worked with a number of charities and presently am a patron of Kids in the Middle that advises parents who are breaking up on how to help their children during this difficult time.

It's fun writing a weekly 'Love Doc' page for Miss Independent Woman website - check them out here! And I'm starting a new agony column with the Yummy Mummy website.

I also support the fantastic work of Kevin Healey and to his autism bullying campaign as well as being a founding member of Kids in the Middle - a charity that aims to promote awareness in parents who are breaking up and how this can affect their children.

I'm delighted to support Saying Goodbye a  charity supporting and providing national services for those who have suffered a miscarriage, still birth or early years loss. 

No two days are the same and I enjoy fresh challenges and always look for new things to do having written self-help columns and articles for many websites and magazines.

I hope you find the site helpful - it's packed with tips and advice - and more to come. Keep checking in for updates!

Keep happy, keep hopeful, Dr Pam x

p.s My 'loves' include: anything made of chocolate (I'm a complete chocoholic) + music including artists/bands - off the top of my head  and in a completely random order - Foos, Kings of Leon, Royal Blood, Pulled Apart by Horses, Jack White, Mallory Knox, Bloc Party, XX, The Drums, Wild Beasts, Phoenix, Filthy Dukes, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, the Strokes, The Dead Weather, Them Crooked Vultures, Alabama Shakes, Biffy Clyro, Enter Shakari, MGMT, Band of Horses, Arcade Fire, White Lies, Example, Calvin Harris, Mark Ronson, Black Keys, Plan B, MIA, Tinie Tempah, Tinchy Stryder, Dizzee Rascal, JayZ, plus AWOL Nation, TEED, Wretch 32, Angel, Jay James Picton, Kendrick Lamar, Spector, Wolfgang, Ed Sheeran and Liam Bailey, Ben Howard, plus dubstep Magnetic Man, Modestep, Nero and Katy B + so many more... like poptastic (and sometimes guilty) pleasures like The Sugababes, Girls Aloud, Britney, Take That + great books like anything by John Irving, William Boyd, Robert Harris, and Lionel Shriver + travel including places like Peru, Cuba, Cambodia, Thailand and India + films of all genres + lots of other stuff like going to galleries, the theatre + action sports like water skiing, skiing, paragliding, hiking and I've been a black belt in Shotokan Karate for years but haven't been able to train for a few years due to a major accident (not related to Karate).

 

I pop up on different TV programmes like This Morning, BBC Breakfast, Big Brother's Little Brother, GMTV, Loose Women and others. I've presented radio programmes since 1997 and won a Sony radio award when I was at Heart 106.2 FM. Think that's the only award I've ever won - I'm not counting a fashion award I won in high school, for creating an entire outfit out of purple, as quite frankly my fashion sense nowadays could be politely described as "eclectic".
I presently do two weekly radio slots - have been doing Wednesdays on George Lamb's BBC 6 Music show for months, but when he moves to weekends in December I'll be doing contributions to his new shows. Tuesdays on Tom Dunne's show on Dublin Newstalk radio as well as lots of freelancing on various stations - popping up weekly on stations around the country.
I've previously worked as a psychologist getting my doctorate in psychology from a London teaching hospital where I researched how to help parents whose children had emotional and/or behavioural problems. I've done a number of other courses in psychology + counselling-type areas.
No two days are the same as quite frankly I have a low boredom threshold - I need fresh challenges and I'm always looking for new things to do.
I write about love, sex, life - and even celebrities' behaviour - for newspapers like The Express, The Sun, The Times and others, magazines like Love it! and Scarlet plus the 'glossies' like Cosmo, Glamour, Red, Now, More, and so on. Check out my new weekly column on iVillage.co.uk and my regular contributions to MSN.co.uk, as well as the Goodtoknow.co.uk, Men's Health, Orange and GQ websites amongst others. 
I hope you find the site super helpful - it's packed with advice - and more to come. Keep checking in for updates like the little sex tip films I plan plus other interesting things!
Keep happy, Dr Pam x 
p.s My 'loves' include: anything made of chocolate + music including artists/bands (off the top of my head) from Tinchy Stryder, Dizzee Rascal, Kings of Leon, Bloc Party, Wild Beast (v happy to see them on Jools Holland as have never caught them live), Phoenix, Filthy Dukes, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Foo Fighters, and so many more to pop like my guilty pleasures of The Sugababes, Girls Aloud, Take That + great books like anything by John Irving, William Boyd, and Lionel Shriver + travel including places like Peru, Cuba and India + films of all genres + lots of other stuff like going to galleries, the theatre + action sports - I've been a black belt in Shotokan Karate for years but haven't been able to train for a few years due to a major accident (funny enough not related to Karate). And my biggest loves of all are my hubby and two children.
My 'hates' include...well, I might just keep those to myself!

 

 

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News

Is it ever a good idea to let your partner stray? My comments for Good To Know...

22/05/2016

What with all the debate about letting partners stray, if you've lost your sex drive, Good To Know got in touch - they wanted my thoughts - I'm sure you can guess what they might be!

Hope you're having a wonderful weekend, Pam x

Looking for summer love? Check my top tips for Little Mistress...

21/05/2016

If you're looking for summer love I've got good news for you in my piece for Little Mistress.
 
Good luck, have fun!

Happy weekend, Pam x

 

5 things you must know about your sexual desire as Loose Woman Saira Khan gives...

19/05/2016

Loose Women's Saira Khan has said she'll give her husband permission to sleep with someone else since she's lost interest in sex. No, a 1000 times no!

In my Sun newspaper online column I'll fill you in on sexual desire - the red flags that lead to lack of desire and some tips to re-boost it.

Take care, Pam x

Hotheaded? Temper get you in trouble? Like Cara Delevigne?

16/05/2016

After reading how model and actress Cara Delevigne lost her temper at Eurostar customs, I wrote the piece full of tips for my Sun newspaper column.

Check out the 6 signs you've got an anger issue and what to do about it.

These problems need sorting out, Pam x

Calling all parents – are you searching high and low for your sex life?

13/05/2016

In my Sun newspaper online column today I've decided to tackle that age-old dilemma of parents gaining a baby but losing their sex life.

Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes have just had baby number 2 and it got me thinking about how even a Hollywood couple like them might be struggling for energy in the bedroom.

Here are some top tips for you parents.

Enjoy your weekend, Pam x 

Dilemmas, dilemmas, dilemmas in my magazine column...

10/05/2016

No two problems are alike. Proof of this is my Magnet magazine column this month.

Can't keep up in bed? Drama Queen? Competitive colleague? Then please check out the link (It takes a few moments to open)

Lots of love, Pam x

Beauty is skin deep...and more!

06/05/2016

Having worked on lots of confidence and body image projects I know how many women (and men) don’t feel beautiful inside.

One project found 2/3s of women stayed home from work once a month because they didn’t feel attractive enough to face the world - really shocking and sad - they didn't want to set foot outside! No one should feel that way.

And about 3/4s felt ‘friend-envy’ – that their friends were more attractive. With all kinds of implications for going out with their friends - the people you want to relax around most.

Such stats reveal a loss of emotional well-being, all to do with how you feel about your looks.

I frequently do confidence coaching to help people increase confidence and self-esteem. And one thing I know is that feeling attractive - and generally good about yourself - includes the skin-deep level.

When my skin feels good, healthy and shining, I feel better all round. It’s the same when you’ve had your highlights done or love a new outfit – it helps you feel at your best.

First, though, the foundation of confidence begins with inner confidence. So I have some self-esteem boosting tips for you. Then I’ll tell you about some Elizabeth Arden products I’ve just tried.

Boost your body image and confidence:

* Turn that harsh inner voice – your inner-critic - into a gentler one. Be aware when it starts telling you: I’m not good enough, I’m not attractive, I hate my body, nose, chin, face, etc.

Substitute it with a soothing inner-voice. Challenge negativity, replace with things like: I’m okay, I’m attractive, I’m going to accept myself.

*Make a list of your three top personal qualities – good sense of humour, you’re a caring friend, you work hard, etc. Post this list where you’ll see it every day – maybe your dressing table or desk.

* Stop focusing on your body and looks. Start focusing on making your life more enjoyable. Catch yourself thinking about your attractiveness/unattractiveness? Remind yourself then(!) that there are more important things. Start planning your next girls-night-out, next holiday, the career-training you want, etc.

* Learn what sets off feelings of low self-esteem. For instance, if your partner or boss criticises you, do you take it to heart. Do these triggers a self-critical mode? Challenge your reaction to things like criticism. Pull people up if they don’t give constructive criticism. Don’t just ‘take it’, discuss it.

*Expect more from how people treat you generally. Don’t accept 2nd class treatment, know that you deserve better. Tell people when they let you down.

* Stop beating yourself up if you don’t always do your best. No one does 100% of the time! Instead when you do well, give yourself some praise. But when you don’t have a great day, remember it doesn’t matter.

* Think of the person who makes you feel good. What would they say when you’re running yourself down? Imagine their pep-talk and that you need to believe it.

*Also when feeling bad about yourself, for whatever reason, give them a call. Or get out for a walk, go shopping, to the gym, just do the little things you enjoy.

I LOVE beauty products, I try everything from the least expensive to the most extensive ranges. I’m always looking for products that make my skin feel good and glowing.

So I was very happy when Elizabeth Arden sent me some of the Skin Illuminating range and Ceramide range to try*.

Let’s begin with the Skin Illuminating Night Capsules - lovely little capsules of a rich, sensual serum. Combined with the Skin Illuminating Day Serum, within a few days I had fallen for these.

The texture of my skin felt improved, highly moisturised and soft. And I loved the 'illuminating' quality of the Day Serum under my make-up.

Every few days I’ve used the Skin Illuminating Retexturizing Pads, too, as instructed. These have a wonderful effect of improving the top layer of your skin - mine felt gently invigorated and stimulated.

Yet the retexturizing pads aren't too harsh. Some products I’ve tried for this purpose have just been too strong for my skin to tolerate. I’ve come out in red blotches - not good – but not with this one.

After a couple weeks I moved onto the Ceramide range which has a very different feel to it. But again I loved the texture of the products.

The Ceramide Premiere Intense Moisture and Renewal Overnight Regeneration Cream is super luxurious. As it’s very rich - like a pot of velvet for your face - I’d take a small amount, warm it between my fingers and then stroke it over my skin.

Both the Ceramide Capsules Daily Youth Restoring Eye Serum and Ceramide Capsules Daily Youth Restoring Serum (face) had an easy-to-use feel. My skin felt enriched and nourished.

Plus the products have a real lasting quality. Unlike some products where within a couple hours you feel you need to top them up.

In fact with all of these Elizabeth Arden products I felt they lasted all day - or night - as relevant. It just shows the quality when you're not reaching for more product every couple hours.

I'm too busy during the day to top up a moisturiser but I hate that feeling with some ranges that they disappear instantly into your skin and you want more.

*Please note I wasn’t paid for this article.

Elizabeth Arden

10 DON'T do things for your vagina's happiness...

06/05/2016

In today's Sun newspaper online I've written a column about 10 don't do things to help your vagina. Follow these and keep it happy!

Enjoy this hot and sunny weekend, Pam x

As it's rumoured Beyonce and Jay Z have had what's called a silent separation...

05/05/2016

Could you be heading for a silent separation? Or are you and your partner in the middle of one? For today's Sun newspaper online I've commented on rumours that they're in the middle of a silent separation.

Check the 5 signs you need to know if your relationship is heading that way.

If you still care about your partner, look after each other, Pam

Beware: 5 signs you're ripe for an affair...

02/05/2016

In today's Sun newspaper online I'm giving you the chance to think about any flirtation you're having – when you're already in a relationship.

Ryan Giggs's marriage has crumbled with his alleged flirtations but that doesn't have to happen to your relationship.

Check out these 5 signs and do something about it if they apply to you!

Take care of your relationship, Pam x

Books

THE LAWS OF SISTERHOOD - The girlfriends’ guide to successful dating and finding the one

I’m excited that my new book ‘THE LAWS OF SISTERHOOD - The girlfriends’ guide to successful dating and finding the one is available to preorder on Amazon.

I hope you find it a unique guide that emphasises how single friends can help each other make the most of the dating scene. As well as containing a vast array of tips and techniques to help you to dating success - everything from the first date, online dating, the signals he gives out through different behaviours, and how to improve your own signals are included.

“Pam’s dating book is inspired and will make you a much more attractive and confident date” Jo Hemmings, Behavioural psychologist and author


 


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The Emotional Eater's Diet

My new book The Emotional Eater's Diet is published in the UK on May 15 - I’m very excited as I hope emotional eaters - women or men will find it helpful. Each year 2/3s of people start a diet and 20% start a new diet each month. Yet 95% of diets aren’t successful.

I firmly believe that emotional eating to soothe difficult feelings is the culprit behind most of this failure. My book has a huge range of practical tips/strategies to help understand your emotions and manage your appetite. There are mini-quizes and real case studies.

It’s available to preorder on Amazon. Please remember that food can fuel your energy needs but not your emotional needs. Take care!


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Sex Academy - Essential Lessons in Seduction & Spectacular Sex

I'm delighted that my latest book Sex Academy was endorsed by my fellow self-help author Siski Green who said: "Sex Academy really is THE Bible of sex books. The lessons and lectures cover the A-Z of everything you want to know - from Anal sex to getting Zero sex." I hope you enjoy it!


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How to be a Happy Human - Ten Essential Principles to Change Your Life!

I was so excited and HAPPY to write this book on happiness covering my 10 unique Happiness Principles. I hope it helps increase your well-being, contentment, and happiness. I've packed it with dozens and dozens of easy-to-use strategies, plus life-changing insights. Based on about five years of collecting case studies and research I hope you'll find it helpful.


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Steamy Sex - The Sex Doctor's Answers For Keeping It Hot

My latest sex guide's out - I've gone through thousands of questions people ask me about sex - from why they don't feel desire to how to handle a partner's kinky fetish. Here are the answers plus loads of tricks and techniques. Enjoy!


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Sex Dreams & Symbols

Discover the relationship between your dreams and your sex- and love-life! Go on a journey of self-discovery in this unique dream book. Case studies, a dream directory, and ‘dreamersises’ help you interpret your dreams.


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Sizzling Sex - The Sex Doctor's 250 Hottest Tips, Tricks, and Techniques

My research found if a couple's been together more than one year it's unlikely you've tried any new sex tip, trick or technique for at least four months! Rescue's at hand with my 250 hottest sex tips for every aspect of your sex life.


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The Dating Survival Guide - Ten Top Tactics For Total Success

Dating. It's a jungle out there. This is the ultimate guide to negotiating your way around the minefield of the dating game. Practical advice, useful tips and insights cover all dating issues to revolutionise your love life!

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The Break-up Survival Kit - Emotional Rescue For The Newly Single!

Relationship breakdown's rife and the emotional fall-out from a break-up is incalculable. Here's emotional rescue for the heartbroken packed with tips, advice, plus practical assistance allowing the broken-hearted to rebuild their lives.

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Fabulous Foreplay - The Sex Doctor's Guide To Teasing & Pleasing Your Lover

No couple or single can be without this unique, best-selling book containing a vast range of techniques, tricks and tips to turn your lover on. From attracting someone new to recharging your old relationship, Fabulous, explores each of the sexual senses in turn!


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Sensational Sex: The Revolutionary Guide To Sexual Pleasure & Fulfilment

No. 1 selling book offering you tons of fantastic sex tips PLUS a new and revolutionary ways of looking at sexual pleasure and ‘problems‘ and how they fit into a person's whole life and relationships.


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Sinful Sex: The Uninhibited Guide to Erotic Pleasure

No. 1 selling sex book covering everything from how your body works to infinite sex tips. The Daily Star said: 'Sinful Sex has something for everyone'


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Your Child's Dreams

A unique parenting book giving you creative techniques to understand your child better through their dreams and nightmares.  These reveal so much about a child that most parents miss out on. Strengthen your parent-child relationship, their confidence and well-being!


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