40+ women will recognise mirror angst "syndrome" where they become acutely aware and overly...
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For work queries only please contact my agency on 020-7836-3941 - thank you.
Thanks for checking out my site - the ENTIRE point is FREE self-help with agony aunt-style advice on lots of topics. That said, no article (in full or in part) may be reprinted or used (apart from reading it on this site) without my express premission.
I work as an agony aunt, life and solutions coach, commentator and writer on sex, relationships, and behaviour.
I hope you'll find the articles & tips useful! I've sorted them into the main areas of: sex, love & relationships, parenting, life coaching, and others.
Please get in touch about anything else at 'e-mail me' on my homepage - would love to answer every e-mail but as I run my site without assistance and work full-time sadly I can't. So I select 1 per week to answer on Thursdays.
In my work as an agony aunt, solutions coach and writer I've written 13 self-help books my latest are Sex Academy, How to be a Happy Human and Steamy Sex I'm also...Read More »
...an occasional broadcaster - bit of radio & telly - so a little bit of everything to do with life.
Love providing lots of sex and love tips in my fortnightly online sex and love advice column for the Sun newspaper that I've been writing for a couple years. It's called 'Sex and Love Academy' - visit the Sun online and a new column goes live every other Friday. It's full of top tips.
Recently I did a fun project as a regular celebrity news/relationships commentator on a small satellite show - fab to have new experiences.
Last summer I presented a series of agony aunt programmes on BBC radio Western regions - it was so much fun - worked with a great team and heard from many lovely people.
Occasionally I pop up on different TV programmes as an agony aunt and social commentator like This Morning, BBC Breakfast, Daybreak, Loose Women, Sky News, the spin off Big Brother programmes and was a regular guest on the Vanessa Show on C5.
Since 1997 I've presented radio programmes and was over-the-moon to win a Sony radio award when I was at Heart 106.2 FM. That's the only award I've ever won - I'm not counting a fashion award I won in high school, for creating an entire outfit out of purple - quite frankly my fashion sense nowadays could be politely described as "eclectic".
For two years I had a weekly agony slot on Tom Dunne's show on Dublin Newstalk radio as well as lots of freelancing on various stations - popping up weekly on stations around the country - and used to do a weekly slot on George Lamb's previous BBC 6 Music shows...Oh George, that was quite an experience!
I've previously worked as a psychologist getting my doctorate in psychology from a London teaching hospital where I researched how to help parents whose children had emotional and/or behavioural problems. I've done a number of other courses in psychology - my BSc Hons in psychology from a London university, MPhil in psychology from the London teaching hospital I received my PhD from + ad hoc counselling-type and self-improvement/life-coaching courses. I'm a Chartered Research, Teaching & Academic psychologist with the BPS.
I have worked with a number of charities and presently am a patron of Kids in the Middle that advises parents who are breaking up on how to help their children during this difficult time.
It's fun writing a weekly 'Love Doc' page for Miss Independent Woman website - check them out here!
I also support the fantastic work of Kevin Healey and to his autism bullying campaign as well as being a founding member of Kids in the Middle - a charity that aims to promote awareness in parents who are breaking up and how this can affect their children.
I'm delighted to support Saying Goodbye a charity supporting and providing national services for those who have suffered a miscarriage, still birth or early years loss.
No two days are the same and I enjoy fresh challenges and always look for new things to do. Please check out my weekly agony column on iVillage.co.uk and my regular contributions to MSN.co.uk, as well as the Goodtoknow.co.uk, Men's Health, Orange and GQ websites amongst others.
I hope you find the site helpful - it's packed with tips and advice - and more to come. Keep checking in for updates!
Keep happy, keep hopeful, Dr Pam x
p.s My 'loves' include: anything made of chocolate (I'm a complete chocoholic) + music including artists/bands - off the top of my head and in a completely random order - Foos, Kings of Leon, Bloc Party, XX, The Drums, Wild Beast, Phoenix, Filthy Dukes, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, the Strokes, The Dead Weather, Them Crooked Vultures, Jack White, Alabama Shakes, Biffy Clyro, Enter Shakari, MGMT, Band of Horses, Arcade Fire, White Lies, Example, Calvin Harris, Mark Ronson, Black Keys, Plan B, MIA, Tinie Tempah, Tinchy Stryder, Dizzee Rascal, JayZ, plus newcomers like AWOL Nation, TEED, Wretch 32, Angel, Jay James Picton, Kendrick Lamar, Spector, Wolfgang, Ed Sheeran and Liam Bailey, Ben Howard, plus dubstep Magnetic Man, Modestep, Nero and Katy B + so many more... like the amazingly fab Lady Gaga to poptastic (sometimes guilty) pleasures like The Sugababes, Girls Aloud, Britney, Take That + great books like anything by John Irving, William Boyd, Robert Harris, and Lionel Shriver + travel including places like Peru, Cuba and India + films of all genres + lots of other stuff like going to galleries, the theatre + action sports - I've been a black belt in Shotokan Karate for years but haven't been able to train for a few years due to a major accident (funny enough not related to Karate). And my biggest loves of all are my hubby and children.
My 'hates' include...well, I might just keep those to myself.
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They locked him up but they could never imprison his courage, spirit and determination - Nelson Mandela changed the world for the better - if only other leaders could take a page from his compassion and conviction to do the right thing. His epic legacy will go on.
Now on to the other things of life including that I find there is this huge split between people who see sex toys as fun and those who feel threatened by them and as if they’re not enough if their partner wants to experiment with them. So today in my Sun newspaper online column - the Sex and Love Academy - I’ve given some advice on how to introduce a vibrator or two into your sex life.
TODAY’S TIP: If you’re keen to do so I hope my advice helps that the key point is to suggested in a very subtle fashion and make sure your partner knows you think they’re fantastic.
Have a wonderful weekend, Pamx
Relationships come to an end at any and every time of the year. And as we all know sometimes it’s mutually agreed and other times a person’s heart is broken. But there’s something deeply heartbreaking breakup around Christmas. We have such high hopes and expectations that we’ll be celebrating the person we love most and if they’ve left you behind it’s devastating.
I’m discussing breaking up at this time of year on my ‘Love Doc’ slot today at 8:05 AM with Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show. I hope you can listen in on the Net.
TODAY’S TIP: If you’re going to break their heart then do it now, don’t limp along until Christmas - to the point where you just can’t take whatever the problem is any longer - and finish your relationship at the worst time of year!
Otherwise if this is only a possibility and you still love them, throw yourself into focusing on them is your priority this Christmas and maybe see each other in light.
Good luck, Pamx
Even if you have a great sex life it doesn’t mean everyone wants to hear about it. We’ve all heard people boasting and half of the time we don’t believe it. When it is believable, I personally think, “that’s great” for the person concerned because I know how many people have bad sex lives.
But some people hate having their noses rubbed in it and in my ‘Love Clinic’ on iVillage UK today I've answered one woman's dilemma about this.
TODAY’S TIP: A tip today for the boasters out there: think through how it might sound when you brag about everything you get up to in the bedroom. Does it actually make you look like a big man or woman - or like you’re making up for insecurities?
Take care of yourself, Pamx
I don’t know anyone who has the some point had some anxiety around a sexual relationship. In my Miss Independent Woman website Love Doc page this week I answered one woman’s dilemma about her boyfriend of six months enjoying sex all the way through the month even during her period.
This makes her anxious and if you feel that way I hope my advice helps.
TODAY’S TIP: Feeling anxious during sex is never good thing and most crucial part is letting your partner know you have a worry. It will strengthen your relationship to be able to communicate about things you find difficult.
Ultimately it’s far easier than keeping these worries secret.
Have a lovely weekend, Pamx
Don’t we all do stupid things at times? Both my hands are going up! On my ‘Love Doc’ slot today at 8:05 AM with Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show we’re discussing stupid things your partner has done that you still can’t forgive.
Because we all do stupid things - and partners get very annoyed - I have three basic steps to getting passt our negative feelings…
First off, begin by reminding yourself of the last stupid thing you did before being too judgmental about your post and what they did.
Next you really need to look at the bigger picture - how many great, good, loving things has your partner done compared to this stupid thing?
TODAY’S TIP: Finally, and probably my biggest tip: is this supposedly stupid thing your partner did holding so much power in your thoughts because actually there are other stresses in your relationship?
It’s easy to grab hold of one incident that stands out when actually there are other issues you’re grappling with like arguing over the household budget for the children. The so-called stupid thing they’ve done makes an easy target to aim your anger at.
Hope after little food for thought the next time you face this in your relationship.
All the best, Pamx
Fetishes or little sexual obsessions are really quite common and by far the majority are harmless. Of course other’s sexual obsessions and fetishes are far from harmless but in my ‘Love Clinic’ on iVillage UK today I've answered one woman's dilemma. Her partner seems to be a little bit obsessed with her hair - I hope my advice is helpful. I’ll post a link here when it goes live on their website.
TODAY’S TIP: My top tip is not to panic when you realise a partner has a sexual obsession or fetish - as long as it’s not against the law and obviously that's a completely different matter. Panic means you may not get to the bottom of what is going on with them when actually with a little understanding you may work it out between you.
Good luck, Pamx
Size shouldn’t matter as there's always ways to cope with - and enjoy - a man who’s overly or underly endowed but sometimes people don’t work out these solutions. In my Miss Independent Woman website Love Doc page this week I’ve answered one woman’s dilemma about her partner being on the small side. I hope the tips help you.
TODAY’S TIP: A little bit of creativity in the bedroom means that size won't matter when it comes to satisfaction - through oral sex, manual sex [him using his hands to arouse his partner], with or without sex toys, etc., partners can be brought to full satisfaction.
As I always say there’s no rule that sex has to be full penetrative sex - or full penetrative sex that ends in orgasm for both partners.
Quite apart from size “issues” many people just aren’t constructed to give each other orgasms through penetration and those couples can use other methods just as happily.
Enjoy, be creative, Pamx
You may not realise it but there are implications for how successful your date might be on the week night or weekend night that you go out. In today’s Sun newspaper I’ve given a rundown on the worst and best days to date.
Over to porn, are you porn to be wild? Do you two enjoy sharing porn? In my Sun newspaper column online - The Sex and Love Academy - I’ve written about how to make sure you don’t run into problems with porn and instead how to make sure it’s something you can enjoy.
TODAY’S TIP: Recent statistics show many couples are sharing porn but the key is to always be respectful of your partner and not make them feel diminished by your enjoyment of porn. The pleasure you can get from occasionally spicing things up with porn is fantastic for many couples what you don’t want is for it to become a problem in your relationship.
Have a lovely weekend, Pamx
I've written an article for iVillage UK about classic mistakes we make in bed and what to do about them. I hope my tips are helpful!
Over to bullying - there are so many aspects to bullying as it covers such a vast array of behaviour. For National Anti-Bullying Week I’ve written about how some bullies don’t realise their behaviour is seen as bullying behaviour. I hope it gives food for thought.
And here are articles by various authors on aspects of bullying on a colleague's website - do check them out.
TODAY’S TIP: my personal definition of bullying is quite broad and if you’re upsetting those around you - EVEN if you don’t mean to do so - in a sense of bullying if they’re walking on eggshells because of your behaviour.
We all need to think more about these issues, Pamx
In today’s Sun newspaper I’ve commented on the lottery winners who are divorcing less than a year after their big win. It just shows money can’t buy you love and when you have a windfall sometimes one of you or both of you can’t handle it well. You discover you don’t like the way your partner is behaving once they’re loaded! Also if you’ve had problems in your relationship you now have the perfect escape route with money to take you out of the relationship.
Men and women can be sensitive about certain subjects. We’re talking about what you shouldn’t say to men on my ‘Love Doc’ slot today at 7:50 AM with Angela and Spence on the Heart Northwest and Wales breakfast show.
TODAY’S TIP: One thing for sure is never call him “babyish” if, e.g., he has a phobia or tell him to “man up” over an issue. Such comments make him feel worse inside. There are other ways to make point without undermining his self-esteem.
Look after each other, Pamx
I'm delighted that my latest book Sex Academy was endorsed by my fellow self-help author Siski Green who said: "Sex Academy really is THE Bible of sex books. The lessons and lectures cover the A-Z of everything you want to know - from Anal sex to getting Zero sex." I hope you enjoy it!
I was so excited and HAPPY to write this book on happiness covering my 10 unique Happiness Principles. I hope it helps increase your well-being, contentment, and happiness. I've packed it with dozens and dozens of easy-to-use strategies, plus life-changing insights. Based on about five years of collecting case studies and research I hope you'll find it helpful.
My latest sex guide's out - I've gone through thousands of questions people ask me about sex - from why they don't feel desire to how to handle a partner's kinky fetish. Here are the answers plus loads of tricks and techniques. Enjoy!
Discover the relationship between your dreams and your sex- and love-life! Go on a journey of self-discovery in this unique dream book. Case studies, a dream directory, and ‘dreamersises’ help you interpret your dreams.
My research found if a couple's been together more than one year it's unlikely you've tried any new sex tip, trick or technique for at least four months! Rescue's at hand with my 250 hottest sex tips for every aspect of your sex life.
No couple or single can be without this unique, best-selling book containing a vast range of techniques, tricks and tips to turn your lover on. From attracting someone new to recharging your old relationship, Fabulous, explores each of the sexual senses in turn!
No. 1 selling book offering you tons of fantastic sex tips PLUS a new and revolutionary ways of looking at sexual pleasure and ‘problems‘ and how they fit into a person's whole life and relationships.
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A unique parenting book giving you creative techniques to understand your child better through their dreams and nightmares. These reveal so much about a child that most parents miss out on. Strengthen your parent-child relationship, their confidence and well-being!