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About Me

Thanks for checking out my site - the ENTIRE point is FREE self-help with agony aunt-style advice on lots of topics. That said, no article (in full or in part) may be reprinted or used (apart from reading it on this site) without my express premission.

I work as an agony aunt, life and solutions coach, commentator and writer on sex, relationships, and behaviour.

I hope you'll find the articles & tips useful! I've sorted them into the main areas of: sex, love & relationships, parenting, life coaching, and others.

Please get in touch about anything else at 'e-mail me' on my homepage - would love to answer every e-mail but as I run my site without assistance and work full-time sadly I can't. So I select 1 per week to answer on Thursdays.

In my work as an agony aunt, solutions coach and writer I've written 13 self-help books my latest are Sex Academy, How to be a Happy Human and Steamy Sex I'm also...

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...an occasional broadcaster - bit of radio & telly - so a little bit of everything to do with life.

Love having provided lots of sex and love tips in my fortnightly online sex and love advice column for the Sun newspaper that I've been writing for a few years. It was called 'Sex and Love Academy' - and now we've launched a new online column - Dr Pam's Pleasure Zone - please do visit the Sun online and a new column goes live every other Friday from 10th January 2014. It's full of top tips.

Recently I did a fun project as a regular celebrity news/relationships commentator on a small satellite show - fab to have new experiences.

Last summer I presented a series of agony aunt programmes on BBC radio Western regions - it was so much fun - worked with a great team and heard from many lovely people.

Occasionally I pop up on different TV programmes as an agony aunt and social commentator like This Morning, BBC Breakfast, Daybreak, Loose Women, Sky News, the spin off Big Brother programmes and was a regular guest on the Vanessa Show on C5.

Since 1997 I've presented radio programmes and was over-the-moon to win a Sony radio award when I was at Heart 106.2 FM. That's the only award I've ever won - I'm not counting a fashion award I won in high school, for creating an entire outfit out of purple - quite frankly my fashion sense nowadays could be politely described as "eclectic".

For two years I had a weekly agony slot on Tom Dunne's show on Dublin Newstalk radio as well as lots of freelancing on various stations - popping up weekly on stations around the country - and used to do a weekly slot on George Lamb's previous BBC 6 Music shows...Oh George, that was quite an experience!

I've previously worked as a psychologist getting my doctorate in psychology from a London teaching hospital where I researched how to help parents whose children had emotional and/or behavioural problems. I've done a number of other courses in psychology - my BSc Hons in psychology from a London university, MPhil in psychology from the London teaching hospital I received my PhD from + ad hoc counselling-type and self-improvement/life-coaching courses. I'm a Chartered Research, Teaching & Academic psychologist with the BPS.

I have worked with a number of charities and presently am a patron of Kids in the Middle that advises parents who are breaking up on how to help their children during this difficult time.

It's fun writing a weekly 'Love Doc' page for Miss Independent Woman website - check them out here!

I also support the fantastic work of Kevin Healey and to his autism bullying campaign as well as being a founding member of Kids in the Middle - a charity that aims to promote awareness in parents who are breaking up and how this can affect their children.

I'm delighted to support Saying Goodbye a  charity supporting and providing national services for those who have suffered a miscarriage, still birth or early years loss. 

No two days are the same and I enjoy fresh challenges and always look for new things to do. Please check out my weekly agony column on iVillage.co.uk and my regular contributions to MSN.co.uk, as well as the Goodtoknow.co.uk, Men's Health, Orange and GQ websites amongst others.

I hope you find the site helpful - it's packed with tips and advice - and more to come. Keep checking in for updates!

Keep happy, keep hopeful, Dr Pam x

p.s My 'loves' include: anything made of chocolate (I'm a complete chocoholic) + music including artists/bands - off the top of my head  and in a completely random order - Foos, Kings of Leon, Royal Blood, Bloc Party, XX, The Drums, Wild Beasts, Phoenix, Filthy Dukes, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, the Strokes, The Dead Weather, Them Crooked Vultures, Jack White, Alabama Shakes, Biffy Clyro, Enter Shakari, MGMT, Band of Horses, Arcade Fire, White Lies, Example, Calvin Harris, Mark Ronson, Black Keys, Plan B, MIA, Tinie Tempah, Tinchy Stryder, Dizzee Rascal, JayZ, plus newcomers like AWOL Nation, TEED, Wretch 32, Angel, Jay James Picton, Kendrick Lamar, Spector, Wolfgang, Ed Sheeran and Liam Bailey, Ben Howard, plus dubstep Magnetic Man, Modestep, Nero and Katy B + so many more... like the amazingly fab Lady Gaga to poptastic (sometimes guilty) pleasures like The Sugababes, Girls Aloud, Britney, Take That + great books like anything by John Irving, William Boyd, Robert Harris, and Lionel Shriver + travel including places like Peru, Cuba and India + films of all genres + lots of other stuff like going to galleries, the theatre + action sports - I've been a black belt in Shotokan Karate for years but haven't been able to train for a few years due to a major accident (funny enough not related to Karate). And my biggest loves of all are my hubby and children.

My 'hates' include...well, I might just keep those to myself.

I pop up on different TV programmes like This Morning, BBC Breakfast, Big Brother's Little Brother, GMTV, Loose Women and others. I've presented radio programmes since 1997 and won a Sony radio award when I was at Heart 106.2 FM. Think that's the only award I've ever won - I'm not counting a fashion award I won in high school, for creating an entire outfit out of purple, as quite frankly my fashion sense nowadays could be politely described as "eclectic".
I presently do two weekly radio slots - have been doing Wednesdays on George Lamb's BBC 6 Music show for months, but when he moves to weekends in December I'll be doing contributions to his new shows. Tuesdays on Tom Dunne's show on Dublin Newstalk radio as well as lots of freelancing on various stations - popping up weekly on stations around the country.
I've previously worked as a psychologist getting my doctorate in psychology from a London teaching hospital where I researched how to help parents whose children had emotional and/or behavioural problems. I've done a number of other courses in psychology + counselling-type areas.
No two days are the same as quite frankly I have a low boredom threshold - I need fresh challenges and I'm always looking for new things to do.
I write about love, sex, life - and even celebrities' behaviour - for newspapers like The Express, The Sun, The Times and others, magazines like Love it! and Scarlet plus the 'glossies' like Cosmo, Glamour, Red, Now, More, and so on. Check out my new weekly column on iVillage.co.uk and my regular contributions to MSN.co.uk, as well as the Goodtoknow.co.uk, Men's Health, Orange and GQ websites amongst others. 
I hope you find the site super helpful - it's packed with advice - and more to come. Keep checking in for updates like the little sex tip films I plan plus other interesting things!
Keep happy, Dr Pam x 
p.s My 'loves' include: anything made of chocolate + music including artists/bands (off the top of my head) from Tinchy Stryder, Dizzee Rascal, Kings of Leon, Bloc Party, Wild Beast (v happy to see them on Jools Holland as have never caught them live), Phoenix, Filthy Dukes, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Foo Fighters, and so many more to pop like my guilty pleasures of The Sugababes, Girls Aloud, Take That + great books like anything by John Irving, William Boyd, and Lionel Shriver + travel including places like Peru, Cuba and India + films of all genres + lots of other stuff like going to galleries, the theatre + action sports - I've been a black belt in Shotokan Karate for years but haven't been able to train for a few years due to a major accident (funny enough not related to Karate). And my biggest loves of all are my hubby and two children.
My 'hates' include...well, I might just keep those to myself!

 

 

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News

Friends minding their own business. And off to the Edinburgh festival

19/08/2014

Heading up to Scotland to see lots of shows – mainly comedy - and can't wait. It’s been so busy at work trying to get ready to go but I’ve just posted a new Agony Aunt question about minding your own business and friendships. Check it out on my homepage at dilemma of the week if you think it might apply to your life.

Thanks so much for your emails - I wish I could answer all of them.

Have a great week, take care of yourself, Pamx

 

Talking news, views plus emotional eating on BBC radio London tonight

18/08/2014

Delighted to talk news and current affairs plus about my latest book The Emotional Eater’s Diet tonight on my good friend Simon Lederman’s BBC radio London show from 11 PM till midnight.

Hope you’ll join in the chat with your views on the stories we talk about.

TODAY’S TIP: Occasionally it’s worthwhile treating news stories as learning experiences - what happened in the story, what would you have done differently, what could have resolved the issue, and so on.

it’s good way to discipline the brain cells.

Happy Monday, Pamx

Punching above your weight? Discussing on ITV. And Infidelity and betrayal PLUS giveaway

15/08/2014

Heading into This Morning on ITV to discuss “punching above your weight” with Marvin and Rochelle Humes (can't wait to meet them) - this is where two people get together and others are judgemental believing that one is far more attractive than the other. I always say it’s what’s in your heart and mind that counts!

We’re doing a phone-in at 11:40 AM.

Also my online Sun newspaper column, the Pleasure Zone, is out today and it’s all about love cheats. There have been so many stories of betrayal in the press and I’ve included some tips on how to prevent things going in that direction. I'll post a link when it goes live on their website

TODAY’S TIP: I hope the tips help and if you’re in a relationship you have some quality time with your partner this weekend.

Have a good one, Pamx

Emotional eating and your personality

14/08/2014

In this week’s Now magazine I’ve written an article on introversion and extroversion and how it can affect your emotional eating. In my new book The Emotional Eater’s Diet I cover a lot of issues about how your personality potentially affects emotional eating.

TODAY’S TIP: In the meantime if you’re an extrovert who feels you always have to entertain people or you’re an introvert who feels you can’t speak up and you can start changing from today.

As an extrovert you can pause, reflect and listen to what other people have to say and as an introvert you can practice voicing your opinions.

Day by day you can change to where you feel emotionally happy with how you express yourself. You’ll then be less likely to emotionally eat.

Best of luck, Pamx

Discussing ignorance about depression. And dilemmas, dilemmas, dilemmas

13/08/2014

At 11 AM UK time I'm discussing our attitudes towards depression after the tragic suicide of Robin Williams on Jon Gaunt's programme on Fubar radio - an Internet station. I hope you can listen in.

Over to my Agony Aunt work...in my monthly column with Magnet magazine I’ve covered a variety of dilemmas. Here’s the link if you like reading questions and answers… and maybe there’s a tip in there that’s helpful to you.

Take care of your dear self, Pamx

 

It's out to the Big Brother studios tonight

11/08/2014

I can't believe tonight is the last psych slot I'll do for this series before the celebrity series starts next week. It's shot by and I've loved chatting to Rylan about this extraordinary group of housemates. It might be the last slot but and there's so much to discuss tonight!

TODAY’S TIP: Back to our real lives – There have been various apologies made in the house - and there's been some question over how genuine they are. You make it far easier on yourself when you've done something wrong or hurt someone's feelings, etc., and apologise in a genuine way. Trust me you'll feel better for it.

Take care, happy Monday, Pamx

Dilemma: I always have to initiate sex.

08/08/2014

We always assume that the men will always do the initiating when it comes to sex and it’s not always the case. In my Miss Independent Woman website Love Doc page this week I tackle one woman’s dilemma about always being the one to initiate it. 

TODAY’S TIP: If you’re in this situation I hope the advice helps. When it comes to who 'initiates' it's almost always possible to encourage a little bit more from the partner who doesn't seem to like to or feels a bit shy about it. It might take some effort and ingenuity but it's worth trying.

Have a lovely weekend, Pamx

A few thoughts on a Big Brother question...

06/08/2014

If you've been watching this summer's Big Brother in the UK you'll know that Winston, Ash and Helen hang out together and I've been asked why they often sit with Helen in the middle.

In terms of gender dynamics and behaviour, when you have two men and one woman, the woman tends to sit in the middle. This goes deep into unconscious behaviour where it's quite natural for the woman to be "protected" in this way. If there was any threat to the group she would be between the two males.

Also some research suggests that right-handed women will sit with a favoured male on their left so if they turn towards him they can use their right hand for grooming behaviour. However this isn't always the case and different seating arrangements don't necessarily mean anything significant. And from memory I can't remember if Ash usually sits on Helen's left.

I think (from memory) the guys swap sides because the housemates come in and out of the group so often at the smoking area. Plus lately there's been more physical and relationship distance between Winston and Helen - he's frequently in a separate chair and not seated on the outside sofa.

The dynamic of these three sitting together in the Big Brother house is slightly different because Helen is a very strong character - although much of that so-called "strength" comes from wanting to protect her vulnerability. And as she started life in the house in the role of a very loud and out spoken "Queen bee", the men sat around her like her "deputies" or "sergeants at arms" - a description that's not far off considering the heated arguments in the first few weeks in the house.

To his credit Winston has on occasion stood up to Helen – most significantly after Girl Power week when she had a right go at Ashleigh.

Ash to a lesser extent has occasionally cajoled her to behave better - even as early as the first week when Helen was having a go at Jale for staring at her, etc.

But it was too little, too late to stop some of the worst rows in the first few weeks. And that's too bad because as I pointed out on Monday night's programme Helen's started going through the transitional stages - the Cake of Change :) - and might've started going through them earlier and become a calmer person sooner.

I think they didn't step in more strongly in the early days because of not wanting to look like argumentative people to the viewers plus they didn't want to risk their place in Helen's hierarchy. And they didn't want Helen to turn her guns on them! Now she's shown she's better able to handle conflict without blowing up.

It's an interesting question and social-group research suggests that the way people seat themselves gives away lots about their place in the hierarchy...where are you sitting today?

Happy Wednesday, Pamx

Back out to Big Brother studios tonight

04/08/2014

Rylan and I will be chatting about Big Brother housemates tonight - can't wait, always so much to discuss.

Over the weekend lots of interesting things happened that give us plenty to debate. Interesting how Zoe seem to be a larger-than-life character but being a newbie meant her absence was barely noticed.

TODAY’S TIP: Back to our real lives and a lesson from this – sometimes when you want to make an impression it's far better not to try too hard.

Happy Monday, Pamx

 

Talk radio after 120PM. Plus a word of warning about turning a fantasy into reality...

02/08/2014

At 120 today I'm a guest on Jon Gaunt's show on Fubar radio. Check it out its uncensored Internet radio. We are covering a range of stories including the psychology behind conspiracy theories.

In yesterday's Sun newspaper I've commented on this story about the woman who read the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy and decided to recreate it in real life.

Here's the story with my comment at the end.

Happy Saturday, Pamx

Books

The Emotional Eater's Diet

My new book The Emotional Eater's Diet is published in the UK on May 15 - I’m very excited as I hope emotional eaters - women or men will find it helpful. Each year 2/3s of people start a diet and 20% start a new diet each month. Yet 95% of diets aren’t successful.

I firmly believe that emotional eating to soothe difficult feelings is the culprit behind most of this failure. My book has a huge range of practical tips/strategies to help understand your emotions and manage your appetite. There are mini-quizes and real case studies.

It’s available to preorder on Amazon. Please remember that food can fuel your energy needs but not your emotional needs. Take care!


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Sex Academy - Essential Lessons in Seduction & Spectacular Sex

I'm delighted that my latest book Sex Academy was endorsed by my fellow self-help author Siski Green who said: "Sex Academy really is THE Bible of sex books. The lessons and lectures cover the A-Z of everything you want to know - from Anal sex to getting Zero sex." I hope you enjoy it!


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How to be a Happy Human - Ten Essential Principles to Change Your Life!

I was so excited and HAPPY to write this book on happiness covering my 10 unique Happiness Principles. I hope it helps increase your well-being, contentment, and happiness. I've packed it with dozens and dozens of easy-to-use strategies, plus life-changing insights. Based on about five years of collecting case studies and research I hope you'll find it helpful.


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Steamy Sex - The Sex Doctor's Answers For Keeping It Hot

My latest sex guide's out - I've gone through thousands of questions people ask me about sex - from why they don't feel desire to how to handle a partner's kinky fetish. Here are the answers plus loads of tricks and techniques. Enjoy!


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Sex Dreams & Symbols

Discover the relationship between your dreams and your sex- and love-life! Go on a journey of self-discovery in this unique dream book. Case studies, a dream directory, and ‘dreamersises’ help you interpret your dreams.


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Sizzling Sex - The Sex Doctor's 250 Hottest Tips, Tricks, and Techniques

My research found if a couple's been together more than one year it's unlikely you've tried any new sex tip, trick or technique for at least four months! Rescue's at hand with my 250 hottest sex tips for every aspect of your sex life.


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The Dating Survival Guide - Ten Top Tactics For Total Success

Dating. It's a jungle out there. This is the ultimate guide to negotiating your way around the minefield of the dating game. Practical advice, useful tips and insights cover all dating issues to revolutionise your love life!

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The Break-up Survival Kit - Emotional Rescue For The Newly Single!

Relationship breakdown's rife and the emotional fall-out from a break-up is incalculable. Here's emotional rescue for the heartbroken packed with tips, advice, plus practical assistance allowing the broken-hearted to rebuild their lives.

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Fabulous Foreplay - The Sex Doctor's Guide To Teasing & Pleasing Your Lover

No couple or single can be without this unique, best-selling book containing a vast range of techniques, tricks and tips to turn your lover on. From attracting someone new to recharging your old relationship, Fabulous, explores each of the sexual senses in turn!


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Sensational Sex: The Revolutionary Guide To Sexual Pleasure & Fulfilment

No. 1 selling book offering you tons of fantastic sex tips PLUS a new and revolutionary ways of looking at sexual pleasure and ‘problems‘ and how they fit into a person's whole life and relationships.


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Sinful Sex: The Uninhibited Guide to Erotic Pleasure

No. 1 selling sex book covering everything from how your body works to infinite sex tips. The Daily Star said: 'Sinful Sex has something for everyone'


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Your Child's Dreams

A unique parenting book giving you creative techniques to understand your child better through their dreams and nightmares.  These reveal so much about a child that most parents miss out on. Strengthen your parent-child relationship, their confidence and well-being!


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