Hot Off the Press:

It's time to recognise the "I'll be happy when..." syndrome!...


It's time to recognise the "I'll be happy when..." syndrome!

Body Image Analysis - Just How Unhappy Are You With Your Body?

Stop Panic In Its Tracks...

Stop Overthinking And Start Living!

Beware of The Bully Lurking in Your Office...

Coping with Seasonal Affective Disorder, SAD...

Stop Worrying And Start Living

Mirror Angst Syndrome

The way to stellar self assurance [Kickstart your confidence]

Receiving a shock diagnosis and how to cope in such a crisis

Don't Analyse This...

Beat Your Fears....

Beat the Loneliness Trap...

What is Your Mental Weight? And how does it affect your relationship to food?

Classic ChristmasCrises - And How to Handle Them!


How To Get A Heavenly Night’s Sleep...

Is She a Toxic Friend?

The Great Guide to Sadness

Nine Strategies to Discovering Your New Direction...

Get in the Mood for Feeling Good...

How to Pick Yourself up after a Fall...

Make Mother’s Day Meaningful This Year ...

It Was Only A Harmless Fib

10 Simple Steps to Make 2011 the Best Year Ever

Five Essential Steps For Coping With Bereavement At Christmas –

Your Body Image Profile Quiz...

Are You at Breaking Point...

Are you too selfish for your own good?

Spring into Action!

How to Mend Your Relationship with Your Mum...

Never Let The Bullies Beat Us! My heart sank

Dealing with Modern-Day Dilemmas... I come across so many

The Anger Files: Surprising research suggests you can learn...

Make 2010 Your Best Year Ever! New Year's Eve has come and gone

How to be a Fabulous Friend - Our friendships are so important

Nine Days to A Nicer You - find your kinder side!

A magazine interview I gave with a few tips from my life

How not to overindulge Christmas!

Five Tips For Facing Difficulties!

It's so important to get healthy and reduce stress!

What benefits can a career break have for mind, body and soul?

The Stiff Upper Lip, Counselling, and Some Thoughts

QUIZ: Is Stress Actually Stressing You Out?

Supporting A Loved One With Alcohol/Drug Problems

QUIZ: Bad-tempered? Here's help!

The Great Wedding Guest Guide

QUIZ: Are You A Hard Worker or Workaholic?


Breaking Bad/Sad News In the Best Possible Way

Is The Crunch Messing With Your Mind?

Depression: medication, signs of depression & what to do

DO YOU HAVE VENUS-ENVY? And feel competitive to your friends?

Trying To Be A Superwoman - Feeling A Super-Failure: Advice

Facing Difficult Family Members Over Christmas

A Few Thoughts on Over-eating

Enhance Your Health Care

When Should You Warn Another Woman Off Your Man?

Keep Your Holiday Mood When You Get Back!

It's Not Necessary To Be SAD! Seasonal Affective Disorder

Six Steps to Put the Spring Back into Your Life!

QUIZ: How Good A Friend Are You?

QUIZ: Are You An Outlaw To Your In-Laws?

QUIZ: Have You Got Irritable Mood "Syndrome"?

How To Cope With The January Blues

QUIZ: The Keeping Up Appearances Quiz

A Dozen Different Tricks To Control Your Appetite Today!

QUIZ: Stop Fretting Your Life Away!

Fight Your Feelings Of Envy!

Seven Secrets For A Successful Relationship With Your Father

QUIZ: Improve Friendships And Get A High FQ!

Your Ultimate Guide To Getting Happy Today!

The Things That Spoil Happiness

QUIZ: Do You Have the Happiness Gene?

QUIZ: Are Your Xmas Season Stress Levels Surging?

Love Your New Body After Losing Weight

Banish Your Blues By Monday!

QUIZ: Body Image Analysis

QUIZ: Body Image SOS!

Seven Things You Shouldn't Say To Your Boss!

Seven Classic Social Clangers To Avoid

Prevent Comfort Eating!

10 Ways To Help Your Father Live To 100!

Old Before Your Time? 10 Ways to Stay Young at Heart!

My Alexander Technique Diaries

Is Your Anger Out Of Control?

QUIZ: Are You Part of The Female Anxiety-Plague?

QUIZ: Are You A Control Freak?

The Etiquette of a Good Argument - How To Have A Good Row!

Become Your Own Confidence Coach


It's time to recognise the "I'll be happy when..." syndrome!


It's time to recognise the "I'll be happy when..." syndrome!

Have you ever felt that you'll be "happy" once something in particular happens or changes in your life? Join the crowd because so many of us are guilty of this - saying things like, "I'll be happy when I get a new job," or, "I'll be happy when my partner starts being nicer to me," or, "I'll be happy when I lose weight," etc.

It's like we delay our potential for happiness until the day that some minor miracle - like a nicer partner or a fantastic job - comes into our life. But this is hugely damaging to our capacity to enjoy happiness now.

Why does someone develop the "I'll be happy when..." syndrome?

There are many reasons why people begin to develop this ‘syndrome’ and feel that they'll only be happy when some particular thing changes in their life. One of the main culprits is the fact that we're always striving for more in our life. We want to be richer, we want to be more popular, and slimmer. We want to have nicer clothes and more fab friends. And this is because we haven't learnt to be satisfied with the smaller things in life. We fall victim to the pressure to always want more.

What happens when you always ‘want more’?

When you’re never satisfied with what you have and always feel the pressure to want more, then nothing is ever good enough. How could it be? Because when you get that promotion you've longed for within a few months you'll be wanting the next promotion.

And when you've finally saved up to get that fabulous ‘It’ bag that you've seen on Victoria Beckham's arm, then within a few months you're left wanting the next desirable thing on the celebrity fashion hit-list.

But this attitude starts creeping into every area of your life. You can never be happy because there's always something better, bigger, and more expensive to strive for.

What about not knowing how to change unhappiness?

Another big culprit for the "I'll be happy when..." syndrome is when we don't know how to change something in our life that is causing us unhappiness. Many of us aren't the skills to change things because the unhappiness. We spin our wheels wondering when the partner that we show love and respect to, will start showing it back.

Or we find it impossible to get our boss to appreciate us or to make a slightly ‘toxic’ friend see that they behave badly to us - like dumping us the minute they get a boyfriend and then picking us back up the minute they’ve been dumped by him.

We feel helpless in the face of such unhappiness. We obsess about it and wonder how we can change it. The longer that unhappy situation or relationship goes on, the less power we feel to change things for the better. And then the belief that we’ll be happy when these things change, kicks in.

How can you stop the "I'll be happy when..." syndrome?

This type of happiness is ‘future dependent’ happiness. It all hinges on a better future. But in reality you can never know for sure that there's a better future ahead of you. And so it's far better and emotionally healthy to start finding happiness in your life today!

Here are some five top tips to do so:

1/ Challenge ‘future dependent’ happiness thinking –

When you catch yourself thinking that, "I'll be happy when…" stop such thinking in its tracks! Think what you can do about that particular thing that you can change today. Or put such thinking out of your mind and refocus on what’s good in your life now.

2/ Find daily happiness –

Learn to cherish and enjoy something - even many things - about your day today. Make it a habit to find daily happiness in the smallest things. Enjoy that chat with your friend - relish the feeling you get over sharing what you're doing that day. Notice the beautiful flowers in the park on your walk to work. Savour the delicious sandwich you've picked up in the Italian deli.

Once you've started counting your little blessings - every day - you stop dwelling on future happiness.

3/ Be honest with yourself –

When someone is treating you badly, sometimes it's easier to go into denial about the situation. You start excusing their behaviour. You tell yourself that, say, they are stressed and that's why they're acting that way. So you are dishonest with yourself!

For instance, if someone’s making you unhappy or doing something disrespectful to you then honestly appraise it. And let them know they cannot continue like that.

4/ Learn to face difficulties with others –

When you start being honest with yourself about how others treat you, it's easier to start facing them with difficulties. You don't have to shout and scream or get all upset with them. Instead you can calmly and confidently sit down and explain to them where things are going wrong.

5/ Check your overly high aspirations and expectations at the door –

There's nothing wrong with having aspirations and certain expectations about what you want in life. But the difference between having acceptable expectations and overly high ones is the pressure you put yourself under.

If you have expectations that you want to get more job-training then go for that skills course. But if your expectations mean you're working 24/7 then they're too high and you'll never be happy.

Here's to your happiness, love, Dr Pam X

A similar article was published on MSN


The Emotional Eater's Diet

My new book The Emotional Eater's Diet is published in the UK on May 15 - I’m very excited as I hope emotional eaters - women or men will find it helpful. Each year 2/3s of people start a diet and 20% start a new diet each month. Yet 95% of diets aren’t successful.

I firmly believe that emotional eating to soothe difficult feelings is the culprit behind most of this failure. My book has a huge range of practical tips/strategies to help understand your emotions and manage your appetite. There are mini-quizes and real case studies.

It’s available to preorder on Amazon. Please remember that food can fuel your energy needs but not your emotional needs. Take care!

Buy Now on:

Sex Academy - Essential Lessons in Seduction & Spectacular Sex

I'm delighted that my latest book Sex Academy was endorsed by my fellow self-help author Siski Green who said: "Sex Academy really is THE Bible of sex books. The lessons and lectures cover the A-Z of everything you want to know - from Anal sex to getting Zero sex." I hope you enjoy it!

Buy Now on:

How to be a Happy Human - Ten Essential Principles to Change Your Life!

I was so excited and HAPPY to write this book on happiness covering my 10 unique Happiness Principles. I hope it helps increase your well-being, contentment, and happiness. I've packed it with dozens and dozens of easy-to-use strategies, plus life-changing insights. Based on about five years of collecting case studies and research I hope you'll find it helpful.

Buy Now on:

Steamy Sex - The Sex Doctor's Answers For Keeping It Hot

My latest sex guide's out - I've gone through thousands of questions people ask me about sex - from why they don't feel desire to how to handle a partner's kinky fetish. Here are the answers plus loads of tricks and techniques. Enjoy!

Buy Now on:

Sex Dreams & Symbols

Discover the relationship between your dreams and your sex- and love-life! Go on a journey of self-discovery in this unique dream book. Case studies, a dream directory, and ‘dreamersises’ help you interpret your dreams.

Buy Now on:

Sizzling Sex - The Sex Doctor's 250 Hottest Tips, Tricks, and Techniques

My research found if a couple's been together more than one year it's unlikely you've tried any new sex tip, trick or technique for at least four months! Rescue's at hand with my 250 hottest sex tips for every aspect of your sex life.

Buy Now on:

The Dating Survival Guide - Ten Top Tactics For Total Success

Dating. It's a jungle out there. This is the ultimate guide to negotiating your way around the minefield of the dating game. Practical advice, useful tips and insights cover all dating issues to revolutionise your love life!

Buy Now on:

The Break-up Survival Kit - Emotional Rescue For The Newly Single!

Relationship breakdown's rife and the emotional fall-out from a break-up is incalculable. Here's emotional rescue for the heartbroken packed with tips, advice, plus practical assistance allowing the broken-hearted to rebuild their lives.

Buy Now on:

Fabulous Foreplay - The Sex Doctor's Guide To Teasing & Pleasing Your Lover

No couple or single can be without this unique, best-selling book containing a vast range of techniques, tricks and tips to turn your lover on. From attracting someone new to recharging your old relationship, Fabulous, explores each of the sexual senses in turn!

Buy Now on:

Sensational Sex: The Revolutionary Guide To Sexual Pleasure & Fulfilment

No. 1 selling book offering you tons of fantastic sex tips PLUS a new and revolutionary ways of looking at sexual pleasure and ‘problems‘ and how they fit into a person's whole life and relationships.

Buy Now on:

Sinful Sex: The Uninhibited Guide to Erotic Pleasure

No. 1 selling sex book covering everything from how your body works to infinite sex tips. The Daily Star said: 'Sinful Sex has something for everyone'

Buy Now on:

Your Child's Dreams

A unique parenting book giving you creative techniques to understand your child better through their dreams and nightmares.  These reveal so much about a child that most parents miss out on. Strengthen your parent-child relationship, their confidence and well-being!

Buy Now on: