Title

Getting Together Again?

Affair-Proof Your Relationship

The Ultimate Christmas Relationship Survival Guide...

Understanding and Overcoming Your Pre-Wedding Jitters and On-the-day Nerves...

Getting Together Again...

Excuses at the Ready ...

How to Re-light Your Fire - And Make the Second Time around a Success!

Two People, But One-sided...

Some thoughts on people with love Plan-Bs

Passion Fatigue...

How to Walk Away from an Unhappy Relationship...

Subconscious Sabotage...

Whatever Makes You Happy...

Money does matter...

Body Image Nightmare...

Understanding and Overcoming Your Pre-Wedding Jitters and On-the-day Nerves –

Age-gap anxiety...

Friends Connected at the Hip & Dating...

Marriage SOS...

Dating Again after a Breakup...

Laughed straight between the sheets....

Too Good to be True...

Beware the Mention of the Exes...

Murder on the Dance Floor....

Lusting after Another Love...

The Rise of the Plan B Pact...

How Romance Can Be like Extracting Teeth...

Credit Crunch Couples...

Christmas time advice for struggling couples...

Third-Party Interference...

Opposites That Don't Attract...

The Female Self-Destruct Button

The Convenience of Compartments...

Unlikely Apologies...

Masculine Confidences

The Chill Look of Contempt...

He/She Isn't the Person That I Settled Down With....

Dating at a Distance...

The Imperfect Perfectionists...

Why He Doesn't Ring When He Says He Will...

The Curse Of The Competitive Couples...

It Seemed So Right, Now It’s So Wrong....

I married my mother...

Never Under-estimate a GSOH...

Don't Get Too Comfortable...

Why Not Indulge Him?

Bickering Versus A Good Old Barney....

Pre-Wedding Jitters? Join the Crowd...

Do They Really Mean It?

Never Underestimate The Power Of Affection And Touch ...

The Facts About Flirtatious Behaviour...

He Has A Nose Like Groucho Marx

What Do We Lose When We Gain A New Lover?

When your partner reflects on you...

How to Get Things Started When You Meet Someone New

Advice for struggling couples:...

A Guide to Having A Happy Engagement ...

Use the days between Xmas and New Year to recharge your relationship

How to Get Back into the Dating Game

Whose Chat-up Line Is It Anyway?

10 Steps to Overcome the Green Eyed Monster

How Love Unrequited Links so Many of Our Hearts

How to Breakup Amicably...

Beware of the Love Pirates...Here is a warning about the lads who will capture your heart

Love is in the air - seven signs that say he's attracted to you!

The Best Dating Tips Ever...

Whirlwind Weddings – Too Much, Too Soon!

Adultery and betrayal, here are some things you might want to consider

Does Your Relationship Need Resuscitation? Welcome to the crowd...

Has Your Man Disappeared into His Communication ‘Cave’?

Kissing tips that work!

When the Internet Comes between You

Bridge That Glaring Age Gap

The Ultimate Couple's Communication Guide

QUIZ: What's Your Love Profile?

Try these love challenges (1)

Understanding Men

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Try these love challenges (2)

Become An Action Woman To Find Love

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Single Women - Personal Growth

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"Couple time" at the weekend is crucial!

When You and Mr Right Want Different Things

Relationship damage-limitation: quick fix communication tips -

The three tell tale signs you aren't quite over your ex

Some points about men who might give you "mad cow disease"

A Few Thoughts on Successful Relationships

Five Top Tips for Long Distance Relationships

Notes on when to talk about BABIES -

The Stages of Relationships

A few top communication tips!

Dating after a break-up

Keeping positive when you want to start dating again!

Finding love and fun on holiday!

When you "down date"

Dating "firsts"

Beware - the problems with Internet dating!

First dates - some dos and don'ts!

More thoughts on first dates!

Some top dating tips!

Couples - put your relationship through an MOT!

Top speed dating tips!

The key to looking interested not desperate when dating!

My Thoughts on Pre-Marital Counselling

Do You Recognise Yourself in These Romantic Profiles?

Making Compromises or Being under Someone's Thumb?

Some Thoughts on Adolescent Relationship Worries

A Few Thoughts on Broken Hearts

When He Pays Too Much Attention to TV, Computer Games or gadgets!

Are You Staying with Him or Her Because of Your Lifestyle?

Some Questions And Things Men Wonder/Worry About

From platonic relationship, to one night stand, to affair

An Affair Doesn't Necessarily Spell The End

Nine Things You Should Never Say To Your New Love!

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Why Mismatched Couples Should Beware!

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Just How Manly A Man Do You Want?

Understanding The McCartney's War Of Words When They Divorced

Toy Boys - The Latest Celebrity Girls’ Fashion Accessory

What's the real meaning behind his Valentine's gift to you?

Guys - some top tips for buying her a fabulous present!

Stop Worrying About Your Wedding! Beat those wedding-day nerves!

Dating tips for MEN - The Secrets Of Her Body Language

Dating tips for MEN - Your First Date, First Phone Call and First Kiss

Dating tips for MEN - Surefire Ways and Where to Meet Women

Dating tips for MEN - Don't Be a Romantic Loser

Dating tips for WOMEN - Capturing His Attention

Dating tips for WOMEN - What to Do When Things Go Wrong

Dating tips for WOMEN - The Wise Woman's Guide to The Art of Flirting

Dating tips for WOMEN - Love at First Sight

Thoughts on Why Infidelity Is on the Rise

Four Fabulous Steps To Improve Your Relationship!

MEN: You behaved badly - what to do!

Suspect He's Cheating?

Seven Secrets of Successful Long-Distance Relationships

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QUIZ: Is It Love or Is It Lust?

How To Decipher Male- Versus Female-Speak

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How Marriage Changes Through The Decades

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The Great Matchmaker Guide

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The Millisecond Marriages – Too Much, Too Soon!

Money, Men And You

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The Unique And Quirky Guide To Finding Love In The New Year!

The Nine Signs of a Non-committer

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The Secrets of Seduction

A Warning Call To The Lonely And Single Generation!

QUIZ: How Likely Are You To Have An Affair?

QUIZ: How Insecure Is Your Love?

Could He Be A Natural-Born Cheat?

QUIZ: How Well Do You Know Your Man?

Seven Secrets of Successful Long-Distance Relationships

The New Dating Dilemmas - And How To Cope With Them

The Deal Breakers That Threaten Your Relationship

QUIZ: Don't Ditch Your Relationship Too Soon!

Warning - Divorce Is Dangerous To Your Health!

The Fabulous Flirt Guide

QUIZ: Great EX-pectations - Is Your Ex Jeopardising Your Relationship?

QUIZ: Harness Those Wedding Day Doubts And Nerves

QUIZ: Are You Still Haunted By The Ghost Of Your Ex?

Beware - Your Broken Heart Should Come With A Health Warning!

Heal Your Xmas Holiday Break-up!

A QUICKIE FOR YOU: My top five tips for a long relationship

Some crucial tips to avoid money related arguments!

Top Relationship Tips For Preventing Christmas Stress

Couples: Be careful what you bicker about

QUIZ: Are You Bored To Tears With Your Relationship?

Separated But Still Under The Same Roof!

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QUIZ: The Great Guide To Having A Second Go!

Find Love In A Few Weeks!

Story

QUIZ: How Likely Are You To Have An Affair?

14/10/2009

How Likely Are You To Have An Affair?

I say there are three main negative phases in a relationship that make an affair more likely. Find out if you're entering the danger zone.

 

A number of studies have come up with quite staggering statistics when it comes to how many people are unfaithful. Figures have ranged from 25 to 40 per cent of people having an affair at some point in their life , not necessarily in their present relationship. A recent one found that people in their Fifties a re the most likely to cheat. Typically this involves a mid-life type crisis where a person decides they "want more" out of life and think they'll find it in a fling.

But what if we could stop people entering the "danger zone" where they're likely to have an affair? Prevention is definitely better than cure as in my professional life I've seen the huge toll in terms of human heartbreak that infidelity causes.

At an anecdotal level I've identified three negative phases in a relationship that are likely to lead you into the danger zone where you're prone to seek love and attention and sexual thrills outside of your relationship. These are:

Phase One - The Same Old Routine

Your relationship has become a tired routine . Your sex life's got into a rut. There's no sparkle in your life and you may be quite bored with your partner. Bu t at this point you're not concerned about it as you have some vague notion that "things will improve". You assume everyone goes through this in a long-term relationship.

Phase Two - Neglect And Negativity

Nothing's changed and you start to feel resentment that your partner doesn't realise things are stale and tired. You might feel hurt or even angry about being "neglected" . You may be spending more time apart due to the demands of career and family. You argue frequently without sorting differences out.

Phase Three - Temptation And Opportunity

Time moves on with no improvement and you start to enjoy the attention you receive from others. You've a secret emotional life where you daydream of what life would be like if you weren't with your present partner. You've entered the danger zone and are vulnerable to an affair.

Many don't realise that they've reached one of these phases. Take my Danger Zone Checklist to see where you stand. Circle the most appropriate answer:

1/ Is your relationship in a rut?

Yes No

2/ Do you feel resentful to your partner?

Yes No

3/ Is your sex-life non-existent or unfulfilling?

Yes No

4/ Have you fantasised about what it'd be like to be free of this relationship?

Yes No

5/ Has anyone (colleague, neighbour, someone at your gym) taken your fancy?

Yes No

6/ Have you found yourself flirting in a way you previously wouldn't?

Yes No

7/ Do you go out of your way to bump into someone you're attracted to? (Like at work)

Yes No

8/ Do you think your partner puts less in your relationship?

Yes No

9/ Do you long to be made to feel special ?

Yes No

10/ Have you lied about where you're going or whom you're seeing?

Yes No

Phase One - Yes answers to Nos 1. & 3. only

– You're at low risk at this present time of having an affair. Now's the time to get out of the rut you're in and invigorate your relationship. Much of the advice below can help prevent the downward slide in your relationship.

Phase Two - Yes answers to Nos 1., 3. + 2., 4. & 8.

– You've a moderate risk of having an affair. The following the advice will help you.

Phase Three - Yes answers to the majority of questions.

– You're definitely at high risk of having an affair if it hasn't already started! Not only is your relationship lacklustre but you feel neglected and are actively fantasising about or flirting with another.

Try these:

  • Rebuild your relationship - let your partner know things have got to crisis point . Ask for their suggestions how to improve things and offer yours.
  • Don't turn discussions into "blaming sessions" – you've both played a part in letting your relationship drift.
  • Recommit to each other - agree to have regular chats about how things are going and how you can improve your relationship.
  • Find the fun in life - do something completely different together that's fun. It can be something simple, e.g., maybe you've never been to a comedy club together - go out for evening of laughter.
  • Remove temptation - if there's someone you've flirted with make a point of avoiding them. If they're a colleague that's hard to avoid, only meet in a group-situation at work.
  • Remind yourself of your early days - why did you two first fall in love? You need to refresh those memories and rebuild a special feeling.
  • Change the daily grind - the way you've been running your life has nearly ruined your relationship so it's time to take a close look at how you can enhance your life together.
  • Get sexy again - your sex life may've reached a big fat zero. Rev it up with a special weekend. Pull out the stops when it comes to romance and don't let your problems stop you enjoying this time.
  • Indulge each other - reintroduce little pleasures like showering together, massaging each other, hand-feeding each other and even laughing together!

 

Published in the Express Newspaper