40+ women will recognise mirror angst "syndrome" where they become acutely aware and overly...
How Insecure Is Your Love?
Here's my quiz to determine your level of insecurity!
When the likes of Victoria Beckham's quoted in OK magazine saying she gets insecure over David, what hope is there for the rest of us? She has the wealth to look her best at all times and to jet around following David's work. She's proof that even someone you expect to feel secure doesn't necessarily do so.
Take my quiz to see how secure you are about relationships.
1/ How quickly do you tell a man you're falling in love?
A. Quickly - I'm always bursting to tell
B. Quite quickly, even before they do.
C. I take my time
2/ Are you always in a relationship or at least dating actively?
A. I'm never on my own
B. I've been single but prefer not to be
C. I've been happily single for various periods
3/ If your partner doesn't make a huge fuss of your birthday, do you -
A. Feel hurt beyond belief/have a strop
B. Feel quite hurt
C. So long as he's loving I'm happy with what he does
4/ How frequently do expect him to ring, text or e-mail?
A. Very frequently
B. Quite frequently
C. I know it'll vary with how busy he is
5/ When watching TV/DVD together, and an attractive woman's on screen, do you -
A. Get very upset
B. Feel a bit annoyed
C. Don't worry about it
6/ Do you worry you're not pretty, smart, "good" enough for him?
A. Very often
C. Hasn't crossed my mind
7/ Do you feel you must look perfect for your partner, e.g., no bad hair or make-up?
C. No, he should see the real me
8/ Do you take a partner's comments as biting criticism?
A. Yes, I take things the wrong way
B. Sometimes I do
C. No, I like honest and constructive comments
9/ When he's away how do you feel?
A. Alone, anxious, very unhappy
B. Not very happy
C. Fine, and use the time wisely for my own things
10/ Have you been dumped due to demanding, insecure behaviour?
Mainly As - Incredibly Insecure
Not only does your insecurity spoil your day-to-day happiness but it'll spoil your relationships! Your thoughts and feelings about "being good enough" for your partner or about them "leaving you for something better" mean you do things that jeopardise a relationship. For example, you ring a partner too much, or get in a strop when they don't pay enough attention, or when they "look" at someone else. Men will head for the hills if you don't change.
Follow these Six Steps To Security:
1/ If presently in a relationship let your partner know that from today you're going to be more aware of insecure behaviours. If not, think through the way you showed insecurity in your last relationship and pledge to yourself you won't do so in future. Make it your mantra!
2/ Next sit down and compile a full list of insecure feelings and behaviours dominating your relationships. For example, wanting to text your partner every few minutes to see what he's doing. Devise a "counter strategy" for each, e.g., instead of texting him send the text to yourself. You'll quickly see how those texts add up!
3/ Begin to build up your best points. Give yourself a pat on your back when you do something positive. Don't look to your partner to always compliment you, build you up, make you feel good - you need to do learn to do that!
4/ At a deeper, emotional level learn to switch on an inner, loving voice rather than a negative and insecure one. When that insecure one starts chattering away, stop it and talk to yourself in a soothing, loving way.
5/ Carve out some "alone time" in your diary. Those that are insecure often hate being on their own. Do some fun things in this time so you enjoy yourself.
6/ Insecure people often avoid challenges so on a weekly basis put yourself in a challenging situation. Prove to yourself you can meet the challenge.
Mainly Bs - Insecure Impulses
We might've caught your insecurity in time - before it spins out of control! You probably know when you're having a good day and feeling quite secure in your relationship and when you're having about day. Use the advice above that will help you banish your insecure impulses.
Mainly Cs - So Secure
You're secure and confident enough that you don't need constant reassurance and attention from your partner. You're prepared to show your love without "gushing" and frightening someone off. You realise the best relationships allow both people some space and independence. Hold onto your high level of security by making sure that any bad experiences don't knock it.
Finally, feelings of security come from within. They don't come from fame and fortune as Victoria Beckham's found. You'll never find it if you keep looking for it in a partner. Dig deep within yourself to find that little seed of self-belief and start to grow it!
Published in The Express Newspaper
I'm delighted that my latest book Sex Academy was endorsed by my fellow self-help author Siski Green who said: "Sex Academy really is THE Bible of sex books. The lessons and lectures cover the A-Z of everything you want to know - from Anal sex to getting Zero sex." I hope you enjoy it!
I was so excited and HAPPY to write this book on happiness covering my 10 unique Happiness Principles. I hope it helps increase your well-being, contentment, and happiness. I've packed it with dozens and dozens of easy-to-use strategies, plus life-changing insights. Based on about five years of collecting case studies and research I hope you'll find it helpful.
My latest sex guide's out - I've gone through thousands of questions people ask me about sex - from why they don't feel desire to how to handle a partner's kinky fetish. Here are the answers plus loads of tricks and techniques. Enjoy!
Discover the relationship between your dreams and your sex- and love-life! Go on a journey of self-discovery in this unique dream book. Case studies, a dream directory, and ‘dreamersises’ help you interpret your dreams.
My research found if a couple's been together more than one year it's unlikely you've tried any new sex tip, trick or technique for at least four months! Rescue's at hand with my 250 hottest sex tips for every aspect of your sex life.
No couple or single can be without this unique, best-selling book containing a vast range of techniques, tricks and tips to turn your lover on. From attracting someone new to recharging your old relationship, Fabulous, explores each of the sexual senses in turn!
No. 1 selling book offering you tons of fantastic sex tips PLUS a new and revolutionary ways of looking at sexual pleasure and ‘problems‘ and how they fit into a person's whole life and relationships.
No. 1 selling sex book covering everything from how your body works to infinite sex tips. The Daily Star said: 'Sinful Sex has something for everyone'
A unique parenting book giving you creative techniques to understand your child better through their dreams and nightmares. These reveal so much about a child that most parents miss out on. Strengthen your parent-child relationship, their confidence and well-being!