Squaring up to Your Shynes...
If you suffer with shyness...
Seven Secrets of Successful Long-Distance Relationships
Let me help you hang on to love over long distances
With the present economic climate increasingly people have to move to find jobs, often leaving loved ones behind. It can feel very frustrating, even daunting, finding yourself in a long-distance relationship. If you're not careful your relationship might go the way of many others when you find like Prince Harry and Chelsy Davy that distances can slowly chip away at your love. Although some lucky few, like actress Eva Longoria and husband Tony Parker, claim the long distance keeps their love alive – but that takes work and wisdom!
Here are seven secrets to make your long distance relationship a success:
Secret Number One: Set the Scene –
You both need to know what you expect from your long-distance relationship. Setting the scene early and discussing all the aspects of how you see it working can strengthen your bond from the outset. Those who simply muddle through are more likely to find their relationship unravelling than those who recognise the challenges they face from the start.
Secret Number Two: Keep Connected –
Thankfully there are so many ways you can keep connected on a regular, daily basis nowadays. Between phone conversations, e-mail, and text messaging there’s no reason why you can't keep as in touch during the day, as do couples who live under the same roof. Use these methods to let the other know how much you care about them, that you're missing them, and the little details of your life that couples share. Also it's important when apart not to drone on about what a ‘horrible day’ you've had, etc. You can turn a partner off if every night your conversations are all about negative things. Instead tilt your conversations in favour flirty and fun topics and only raise issues when you have to.
Secret Number Three: Avoid the Proverbial Pedestal –
Beware of the pitfalls of over-romanticising your long-distance relationship. When you're not sharing the actual day-to-day grind with each other some long-distance relationships stay on "honeymoon mode". Everything is so exciting and passionate and you both feel so alive when you finally have a snatched weekend together. It's then a massive shock when you spend a longer period of time together and have to face the more mundane things of coupledom like who puts the rubbish out, gets the wash on, and who's going to do the weekly shop.
Secret Number Four: Weekend Ways –
Many long-distance couples try to cram a mini-lifetime into a weekend. It's natural to want to catch up on everything but it's important to be selective about what you do and talk about, or you'll find the weekend is very stressful. Set boundaries on, say, how many run-of-the-mill issues you tackle in a weekend - you know the routine housekeeping things that are necessary but that you don't want to completely take over your short time together. Always make sure you have a balance between pleasurable catching-up time and the routine stuff.
Secret Number Five: Get Practical –
It's important to look carefully at both of your routines and optimise who does the travel to the other, and when. Don't fall into the trap that this should be an exact 50-50 split. In an ideal world it would be, but depending on the demands of each of your lives it may be more practical for one of you to do more of the travelling. Or it might make sense for the person who lives away to travel back to your main home, most of the time. If both of you already had permanent homes in separate cities when you first met then it might become a more even 50-50 split for travel arrangements.
Secret Number Six: Surprising Remedies –
Time apart can be tough so make sure you sprinkle it with little surprises for your partner. Send them little gifts, they needn't be expensive, but something personal like sending them their favourite bar of chocolate wrapped in pretty paper. Or if you hear a song that reminds you of them, buy the CD and post it to them with a little note about which track they should listen to. This way you both know how much you're thinking of each other.
Secret Number Seven: Avoid Temptation –
You might think you’re so deeply in love that the long-distance won't make a difference. Believe me, many people have confided to me that in a moment of loneliness, or when they've had a tiff on the phone with their long-distance partner, they've succumbed to a flirty colleague or someone else who comes along at that moment. Be aware when you're feeling lonely or have had a disagreement that you should stay away from that person who's a bit too flirty and willing to fill the gap in your long-distance relationship.
Inevitably you won't have the Beckham's budget to ferry you back and forth between Italy and LA, but using these seven secrets should keep your long-distance love alive.
Published in The Express Newspaper
I’m excited that my new book ‘THE LAWS OF SISTERHOOD - The girlfriends’ guide to successful dating and finding the one’ is available to preorder on Amazon.
I hope you find it a unique guide that emphasises how single friends can help each other make the most of the dating scene. As well as containing a vast array of tips and techniques to help you to dating success - everything from the first date, online dating, the signals he gives out through different behaviours, and how to improve your own signals are included.
“Pam’s dating book is inspired and will make you a much more attractive and confident date” Jo Hemmings, Behavioural psychologist and author
My new book The Emotional Eater's Diet is published in the UK on May 15 - I’m very excited as I hope emotional eaters - women or men will find it helpful. Each year 2/3s of people start a diet and 20% start a new diet each month. Yet 95% of diets aren’t successful.
I firmly believe that emotional eating to soothe difficult feelings is the culprit behind most of this failure. My book has a huge range of practical tips/strategies to help understand your emotions and manage your appetite. There are mini-quizes and real case studies.
It’s available to preorder on Amazon. Please remember that food can fuel your energy needs but not your emotional needs. Take care!
I'm delighted that my latest book Sex Academy was endorsed by my fellow self-help author Siski Green who said: "Sex Academy really is THE Bible of sex books. The lessons and lectures cover the A-Z of everything you want to know - from Anal sex to getting Zero sex." I hope you enjoy it!
I was so excited and HAPPY to write this book on happiness covering my 10 unique Happiness Principles. I hope it helps increase your well-being, contentment, and happiness. I've packed it with dozens and dozens of easy-to-use strategies, plus life-changing insights. Based on about five years of collecting case studies and research I hope you'll find it helpful.
My latest sex guide's out - I've gone through thousands of questions people ask me about sex - from why they don't feel desire to how to handle a partner's kinky fetish. Here are the answers plus loads of tricks and techniques. Enjoy!
Discover the relationship between your dreams and your sex- and love-life! Go on a journey of self-discovery in this unique dream book. Case studies, a dream directory, and ‘dreamersises’ help you interpret your dreams.
My research found if a couple's been together more than one year it's unlikely you've tried any new sex tip, trick or technique for at least four months! Rescue's at hand with my 250 hottest sex tips for every aspect of your sex life.
No couple or single can be without this unique, best-selling book containing a vast range of techniques, tricks and tips to turn your lover on. From attracting someone new to recharging your old relationship, Fabulous, explores each of the sexual senses in turn!
No. 1 selling book offering you tons of fantastic sex tips PLUS a new and revolutionary ways of looking at sexual pleasure and ‘problems‘ and how they fit into a person's whole life and relationships.
No. 1 selling sex book covering everything from how your body works to infinite sex tips. The Daily Star said: 'Sinful Sex has something for everyone'
A unique parenting book giving you creative techniques to understand your child better through their dreams and nightmares. These reveal so much about a child that most parents miss out on. Strengthen your parent-child relationship, their confidence and well-being!