Squaring up to Your Shynes...
If you suffer with shyness...
Find Love For Valentine's Day!
Let me increase your chances of finding love in the next few weeks!
It's amazing how someone's perspective on Valentine's Day can change depending on their relationship status. When they’re part of a cosy couple they can’t wait for the big romantic day of the year. Oh, how that changes if they’re single - they think it's a ridiculous day intended to put pressure on everyone and they wish it’d simply go away!
If you're a sceptical single who'd like to be in a relationship here are some fun and quirky tips to enhance your chances of finding love in the next few weeks.
Every Opportunity Is A Speed Date!
I'd like you to develop a new mindset - to think that around every corner or, say, in every lift at work there's a potential date. And when you come across these "Mr Potentials" I want you to be ready to treat it like a speed dating event because you may only have a couple of minutes with this person. Smile and say something neutral like, "this lift takes for ever." You don't have to make conversation like you're the brain of Britain but instead simply start up a casual chat. Even if nothing happens at that first meeting with that new work colleague in the lift, or that chance encounter at your GP's surgery, you'd be surprised how often you run into such people. The next time you see them you've got the opportunity to be friendly and chatty.
Put Your Body Language To Good Use!
Your body language reveals loads about you. It can make you look desperate if you’re seen craning your head around, scanning every corner of the company event you've walked into. Or it can be a subtle weapon in catching that special person's attention without looking too desperate. Wherever you go make sure you’re holding yourself confidently and you're ready with a pleasant smile. If you happen to notice an attractive person at the evening class you’ve recently joined then turn your body towards him when you’re talking, hold his eye contact for just that extra second, and he’ll soon get the message without you shouting it down a megaphone!
When I talk about “opposites and attraction” I'm not talking about the fact that people assume opposites in personality are attracted to each other. That may be true but what I'd like you to do is go for the opposite type of person that you tend to go for. If you think you must have a "professional" man in your life why not go for someone in a completely different sphere. If you've always gone for the "strong, silent type" why not give a chance to a louder or more flamboyant person? As soon as you open up the possibility of being attracted to people you don't normally consider you greatly enhance your chances of meeting someone new.
Create Your Comfort Zone!
Learn to establish what I call a ‘comfort zone’ around you. This is an imaginary zone around you where anyone who enters it (namely those other singles!) feels good in your presence. Being in your comfort zone means being yourself and feeling relaxed because it’ll make him feel relaxed. And if you're yourself that means he can be himself. Men are attracted to women who make them feel at ease. If you asked them why they've asked a particular woman on a date, frequently they can’t put their finger on it except to say that they "feel good in her presence".
Friends And Family!
Most of the singles I come across are terribly shy about telling people that they’re on the lookout to meet other singles. You need to dump that shyness now and in a confident way (heavens-for-bid not a desperate way!) let them know you are actively looking to meet someone. Sometimes you need to spell it out. Friends and family might assume that you're a "satisfied single" not interested in introductions. If you're feeling very confident e-mail everyone you know reminding them to think of you when they come across suitable singles.
Rather than relying on singles events sponsored by dating/events companies why not throw your own "meet and match" party? Everyone who comes has to bring a single friend. Lucky you - you can bag the best of the singles as your friends arrive with them seeing as you're hosting the party. After all, it's your party and you can do what you want to!
Widen Your Circle Of Opportunity!
Those that I call "romance-smart" people are the ones that take advantage of their "circle of opportunity". They get out to new places on a regular basis and take up new hobbies and interests where they might meet people. They don't always go to the same cafes and restaurants. They know that the wider they make their "circle of opportunity" the more people they bring into it. Those that keep a very tight "circle of opportunity" and only ever see the same one of two friends or go to the same coffee-shop decrease their chances significantly of finding love.
Boost Your Confidence!
Relationship research shows that confident people are like a magnet to others. You don't have to be the most attractive person in the world, or have an amazing career trajectory, but if you have confidence you're more likely to meet someone. Set yourself small goals that help you develop your confidence. Every day remind yourself of your three best qualities. And do more of the things you're good at to keep boosting your self-belief.
Widen your circle of opportunity. Don't just go to the same old pubs and clubs.
Dump your romantic checklist that keeps you blinkered to different types of people.
Look for fun, not love, or you'll come across as desperate!
Develop positive body-language that gives a confident message. Confidence = attractive
Flirt your way to fun! Use a flirty smile to encourage the person you fancy to make the next move.
Create a "comfort-zone" around you! Be positive, confident and open and you’ll attract more potential partners. Use your comfort-zone when on a date so he/she feels good in your company.
Previously published in The Express Newspaper
I’m excited that my new book ‘THE LAWS OF SISTERHOOD - The girlfriends’ guide to successful dating and finding the one’ is available to preorder on Amazon.
I hope you find it a unique guide that emphasises how single friends can help each other make the most of the dating scene. As well as containing a vast array of tips and techniques to help you to dating success - everything from the first date, online dating, the signals he gives out through different behaviours, and how to improve your own signals are included.
“Pam’s dating book is inspired and will make you a much more attractive and confident date” Jo Hemmings, Behavioural psychologist and author
My new book The Emotional Eater's Diet is published in the UK on May 15 - I’m very excited as I hope emotional eaters - women or men will find it helpful. Each year 2/3s of people start a diet and 20% start a new diet each month. Yet 95% of diets aren’t successful.
I firmly believe that emotional eating to soothe difficult feelings is the culprit behind most of this failure. My book has a huge range of practical tips/strategies to help understand your emotions and manage your appetite. There are mini-quizes and real case studies.
It’s available to preorder on Amazon. Please remember that food can fuel your energy needs but not your emotional needs. Take care!
I'm delighted that my latest book Sex Academy was endorsed by my fellow self-help author Siski Green who said: "Sex Academy really is THE Bible of sex books. The lessons and lectures cover the A-Z of everything you want to know - from Anal sex to getting Zero sex." I hope you enjoy it!
I was so excited and HAPPY to write this book on happiness covering my 10 unique Happiness Principles. I hope it helps increase your well-being, contentment, and happiness. I've packed it with dozens and dozens of easy-to-use strategies, plus life-changing insights. Based on about five years of collecting case studies and research I hope you'll find it helpful.
My latest sex guide's out - I've gone through thousands of questions people ask me about sex - from why they don't feel desire to how to handle a partner's kinky fetish. Here are the answers plus loads of tricks and techniques. Enjoy!
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No couple or single can be without this unique, best-selling book containing a vast range of techniques, tricks and tips to turn your lover on. From attracting someone new to recharging your old relationship, Fabulous, explores each of the sexual senses in turn!
No. 1 selling book offering you tons of fantastic sex tips PLUS a new and revolutionary ways of looking at sexual pleasure and ‘problems‘ and how they fit into a person's whole life and relationships.
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