How To Decipher Male- Versus Female-Speak

15/10/2009

How To Decipher Male-Female-Speak

Psychologists continue their debate about whether women really do speak that much more than men. One camp showing women speak twice or three times as much and the other camps says there's no significant differences.

I say the real issue is not the volume of speech but what the genders mean when saying something. There's vast differences between the way we use language. Here's my guide to deciphering some common phrases.

At the end of a row saying, "Have it your way, then!"

Men mean: "I give up, I don't have the will to continue this argument!"

Women mean: "I'll find a way to get my way later!"

On being bought a birthday present saying, "Just get me something simple."
Men mean: "Really, a tie or shirt is fine."

Women mean: "It better be something thoughtful and romantic!"

On the topic of drinking saying, "I’m concerned how much you've been drinking lately."

Men mean: "You’re no fun when you drink too much."

Women mean: "You're on a slippery slope to the street corner!"

When discussing sex saying, "We don't have as much time for sex as we used to."

Men mean: "I'm fine with quickies!"

Women mean: "You don't find me attractive anymore."

When discussing where to go on an evening out saying, "You decide."

Men mean: "Further debate will drive me mad!"

Women mean: "As long as it’s not something you know I won’t like!"

On the topic of cooking dinner saying, "Let me show you how I do it."

Men mean: "I'm the Hunter, watch me deal with the “catch”!”

Women mean: "You’re making a complete hash of it!"

2. On breaking-up with someone saying:, "You deserve someone better than me."

Men mean: "I'd rather play the field."
Women mean: "How can I let this boring git down gently?"

3. On spending time with the mother-in-law saying, "You enjoy some time with her on your own."

Men mean: "I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than spend time with your mother!"

Women mean: "She doesn't like me anyway so why should I put up with her?"

4. On seeing their partner struggle to do something saying, "Here, let me help you with that."

Men mean: "Honestly, it's not that hard to work a remote!"

Women mean: “What kind of man are you?”

5. When feeling stressed saying, "I just need a little time to myself."

Men mean: "For pity's sake don't bombard me with questions about what’s making me feel this way!"

Women mean: "Please give me a big, manly hug so I don't feel alone!"

6. After a tough day saying, "I hope we’re having a quiet evening."

Men mean: "I want a quiet evening!"

Women mean: "Let's talk about our days over dinner."

7. About spending time with your best friend saying, "I don't really enjoy Steven’s/Angela's company."

Men mean: "Give me the earplugs up - that woman drones on!"

Women mean: "He's such a bad influence on you!"

8. About doing the weekly shop saying, "No, do take the shopping-list, it’ll help."

Men mean: "Can you just stick to the list and not break the bank?"

Women mean: "Can you please not buy those random brands you do!"

And that's my final word on the subject. But being a woman what I really mean is I have about three other relevant angles I want to add!

Published in The Express Newspaper