40+ women will recognise mirror angst "syndrome" where they become acutely aware and overly...
Are You A Man's Woman Or A Woman's Woman?
Take my quick quiz to find out how much of a Man’s Woman you are – and how much you might alienate other women!
The gorgeous Ulrika Johnson’s been in the press as one of the stars of ITV's Dancing On Ice. She often comes in for flak because other women see her as a Man's Woman. One of those women that makes a beeline for men and are never short of male suitors. It's rumoured she freezes out other females. Many women get annoyed with such behaviour seeing it as petty, attention-seeking or a threat to their own standing.
I can identify with the way Ulrika gets on with men. Growing up with three older brothers I was surrounded by them and their many friends. Luckily, though, I'm a Girls’-Girl at heart and get on equally well with women.
This issue rears its head at work and socially so where do you fall on the scale from being a Man's Woman to the ultimate Woman's Woman? Circle the answer that applies most to you and be honest!
1/ Are you seen as a "one of the lads/men" at work?
2/ Do you always have a boyfriend/male partner?
3/ Do you fall out with or feel left out by female colleagues?
4/ Are you likely to turn to a boyfriend, male-friend or male-colleague when troubled?
5/ Do you do typically “male” activities even if they don't interest you much?
6/ Were you a Daddy's Girl when growing up?
7/ Do you think women are jealous of you?
8/ Do you have more male than female friends?
9/ Have boy friends been jealous of your male friends?
10/ Have you been accused of being a flirt?
11/ In a mixed group do you gravitate towards men?
12/ Do you feel great, alive, exciting in male company?
13/ Do you see women as rivals even if they're not interested in your partner?
14/ Is your self-worth determined by how much male attention you get?
15/ Even if it's a platonic relationship do you flirt with a man?
9 – 15 YES answers: A MAN’S WOMAN!
You probably have a reputation (maybe unfairly) that all you care about is men. Surrounding yourself with men socially, at work, and always having a man in your love life. If you’re socially aware you can enjoy all the male company you want without putting women out. But in my experience most Men's Women don't manage this. Instead running into trouble with women seeing you as competitive, fixated on men and after their partner!
Where does this behaviour come from?
Are you desperate for male company because you lacked it in your home life? Was your mother was a single parent or your father emotionally distant and/or physically absent? Maybe your father was highly critical of you and you're always striving to impress man. Or perhaps you were an old-fashioned Daddy's girl that’s used to being doted on by men. These are the three main reasons I’ve found at the root of being a Man’s Woman. Deal with these issues so you lead a balanced life when it comes to men.
Try these techniques:
* Resist heading straight for a group of men, e.g., at a cocktail party. Instead chat to a woman. The more you do this the more you'll find women can be fun too!
* The next time you have a dilemma/question at work consult a female colleague.
* Try an activity that's female dominated and throw your self into it.
* Visit the chat boards on a women-oriented Internet site like iVillage.co.uk. Enjoy the camaraderie and supportiveness of these.
* Suggest a girls' night out for the women at work. Enjoy this opportunity to bond without worrying about the male-female dynamic.
* Highlight a female colleague’s good qualities. For example, if a female colleague gives a presentation tell her what you learned from it.
* Think before you flirt. Are you flirting because you genuinely fancy him? That's fine. But if you’re flirting because you get your self-worth from it then try relating to him without a sexual undertone.
* Are you guilty of using male friendships to make your partner jealous? Stop flaunting the fact that you hang out with lots of men. Use the above tips to develop some female friendships.
* Stop using men to give you self-esteem. Remind yourself daily why you’re a wonderful woman in your own right.
6 – 8 YES answers: BEST OF BOTH!
You probably have good relationships with men and women. Beware if you have Yes answers to questions 3, 9, 10, 12, 13, and 14 - the most troublesome areas even if you're apparently balanced in the way you treat men and women. Use the relevant advice from above.
0 – 5 YES answers: A WOMAN’S WOMAN!
You're obviously a full on girlies’ girl. This is fantastic for your friendships and at work too. However if you’ve difficulties relating to men due to shyness and insecurities boost your confidence to handle male-female relationships.
*Make a point of talking to men you at work, in the gym, at a social event. Keep it friendly and light.
* Ask for a male colleagues' opinion. If you need a partner for a work-project ask a man.
* Get a mixed group together for drinks.
* Remind yourself that men aren’t so very different after all. One step at a time, allow men into your life first as friends.
Previously published in The Express Newspaper
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