Squaring up to Your Shynes...
If you suffer with shyness...
The Millisecond Marriages – Too Much, Too Soon!
Were we that surprised when we read that actress Kate Hudson called time on her marriage to Chris Robinson after a mere five years together? After all they live in the viper pit that’s Hollywood. Massive egos compete against each other, even within marriages, and temptation looms large on every film set, so the millisecond marriage as I've decided call it are more commonplace.
However by Hollywood standards it’s quite a feat for Kate and Chris to have managed that long. Let's not forget Renee Zellweger’s marriage to country star Kenny Chesney lasted a mere four months. Just what is it about Hollywood and country music stars that land them in the divorce courts? As Julia Roberts’ marriage to country crooner Lyle Lovett lasted little more than a year. But those are both longer than Nicolas Cage and Lisa Marie Presley’s 107 days of marriage.
The record for the shortest-ever millisecond marriage goes to Britney Spears for her 55 hours of married-love to childhood pal Jason Alexander. However Billy Bob Thornton holds a different sort of record for having the lowest "spousal-boredom-threshold" with four of his five marriages ending in divorce within two years!
You don't need Hollywood-level star quality to have pressures pull apart your relationship faster than you fell in love as many minor celebrities have found. Jade Goody, Mel B, Kerry Katona and Daniella Westbrook, to name a few, have all had millisecond marriages. Unfortunately with nearly one in six marriages of younger people now ending in divorce within five years it's something many couples face. And it's not just the men prepared to jump ship quickly as many women I meet are equally prepared to do so. In the last year I've coached two women who left their fresh-from-their-packaging husbands before the two-year mark.
There are a number of similar strands in most of these cases. First off, those involved usually want "too much, too soon" and haven't taken the time to get to know each other well. Second, many couples mistake lust for love, and before the former burns out they make plans to marry.
Millisecond marriages also reflect the fact we want quick-fix solutions and when things get tricky many head for the hills rather than overcome problems. This phenomenon is also characterised by the general selfishness of today’s society where people expect their partners to do what they want to do. Finally, another major culprit at the heart of this phenomenon is we’ve fewer communication skills to negotiate difficulties, depending far too much on abbreviated communication through text and email.
Those couples that do try and learn to relate positively are the ones that enjoy the rewards of a deeper relationship. If you're panic-stricken that it's going to be over as quickly as it started there's much you can do to salvage the situation.
Dr Pam’s damage-limitation tips, tricks and techniques:
10. Make a concerted effort to identify the highlights of your short relationship and do more of those. For example, something must’ve drawn you together like bees and pollen. It's those things that’ll help you through this difficult and potentially destructive patch.
Ultimately if you hang in there you could reap the rewards of an interesting and passionate relationship. As long as there haven't been any nasty surprises rearing their ugly heads, e.g. violence or addiction, once you took the plunge. For extra help contact Relate (0845-130-4016) or any local counselling service.
Previously published in The Express Newspaper
I’m excited that my new book ‘THE LAWS OF SISTERHOOD - The girlfriends’ guide to successful dating and finding the one’ is available to preorder on Amazon.
I hope you find it a unique guide that emphasises how single friends can help each other make the most of the dating scene. As well as containing a vast array of tips and techniques to help you to dating success - everything from the first date, online dating, the signals he gives out through different behaviours, and how to improve your own signals are included.
“Pam’s dating book is inspired and will make you a much more attractive and confident date” Jo Hemmings, Behavioural psychologist and author
My new book The Emotional Eater's Diet is published in the UK on May 15 - I’m very excited as I hope emotional eaters - women or men will find it helpful. Each year 2/3s of people start a diet and 20% start a new diet each month. Yet 95% of diets aren’t successful.
I firmly believe that emotional eating to soothe difficult feelings is the culprit behind most of this failure. My book has a huge range of practical tips/strategies to help understand your emotions and manage your appetite. There are mini-quizes and real case studies.
It’s available to preorder on Amazon. Please remember that food can fuel your energy needs but not your emotional needs. Take care!
I'm delighted that my latest book Sex Academy was endorsed by my fellow self-help author Siski Green who said: "Sex Academy really is THE Bible of sex books. The lessons and lectures cover the A-Z of everything you want to know - from Anal sex to getting Zero sex." I hope you enjoy it!
I was so excited and HAPPY to write this book on happiness covering my 10 unique Happiness Principles. I hope it helps increase your well-being, contentment, and happiness. I've packed it with dozens and dozens of easy-to-use strategies, plus life-changing insights. Based on about five years of collecting case studies and research I hope you'll find it helpful.
My latest sex guide's out - I've gone through thousands of questions people ask me about sex - from why they don't feel desire to how to handle a partner's kinky fetish. Here are the answers plus loads of tricks and techniques. Enjoy!
Discover the relationship between your dreams and your sex- and love-life! Go on a journey of self-discovery in this unique dream book. Case studies, a dream directory, and ‘dreamersises’ help you interpret your dreams.
My research found if a couple's been together more than one year it's unlikely you've tried any new sex tip, trick or technique for at least four months! Rescue's at hand with my 250 hottest sex tips for every aspect of your sex life.
No couple or single can be without this unique, best-selling book containing a vast range of techniques, tricks and tips to turn your lover on. From attracting someone new to recharging your old relationship, Fabulous, explores each of the sexual senses in turn!
No. 1 selling book offering you tons of fantastic sex tips PLUS a new and revolutionary ways of looking at sexual pleasure and ‘problems‘ and how they fit into a person's whole life and relationships.
No. 1 selling sex book covering everything from how your body works to infinite sex tips. The Daily Star said: 'Sinful Sex has something for everyone'
A unique parenting book giving you creative techniques to understand your child better through their dreams and nightmares. These reveal so much about a child that most parents miss out on. Strengthen your parent-child relationship, their confidence and well-being!