Squaring up to Your Shynes...
If you suffer with shyness...
The Unique And Quirky Guide To Finding Love In The New Year!
Here are my top "Love Doctor" techniques for you. Some you might find surprising.
There are more singles than ever in Britain - 6.5 million live on their own. Although many are happy others are looking for love. The countless dating agencies and web-sites may not be your cup of tea. Follow these unique and quirky strategies as an alternative route to love. Be aware that finding love is as much about your "attitude" as about "doing" things. Are you ready to change?
1/ You're New Attitude
Throw out damaging self-beliefs and develop positive attitudes. Get out of your comfort zone to do this. The best way is to face a fear. It’s exhilarating finding you can cope with, e.g., heights, speaking in public, sitting in a cafe on your own.
Note your top two fears and consider how to face them. For example, choose a local cafe, take your Express newspaper and observe life. Soothe anxiety by controlling your breathing, enjoy the "people watching", and appreciate your new freedom to do what you want, when you want.
Love benefit? When next on your own, you won't panic, instead you’ll feel confident. There are many places to go alone where there are potential dates - museums, art galleries, book readings, wine-tasting, etc.
2/ Your Old Haunts Are A No-Go Zone!
You're banned from your usual haunts. They haven't worked! Widen your circle of opportunity and weekly try somewhere new. Visit new pubs, do an evening class, or take up a sport. Put thought into your options - there are more men in gyms after work. And you're more likely to meet men at a creative writing class then flower arranging! Develop your social facilitation skills - be the one who suggests everyone goes for a drink after class.
Love benefit? Try new things and you'll meet potential partners. You’ll enjoy it, gain confidence and shine as an interesting person - very attractive!
3/ Give Up Your "Type"!
Dump your romantic checklist that holds you back. This includes, e.g., "he must earn 50 K per year, he must be tall, he must adore my cats, etc."
Examine your checklist and look for the opposite. Dare to choose the quiet man rather than your usual extravert-type. Go for someone shorter then your “6 ft” ideal. Also turn the tables and be ready to compliment him. Tell the quiet man you enjoy his “thoughtfulness”. Bringing the best out in someone new makes you shine.
Love benefit? It’s a huge eye-opener to other types of men. You miss many good men sticking to your "type" - and yours hasn't worked!
4/ A New Attitude Deserves A New Style!
Now for the outer package. We get in hair/fashion style ruts, too. Hairdressers give free re-styling consultations. Also try wigs to experiment with a new look. Always wear the same business suits or casual gear? Again, think opposite and enjoy feeling different. Ransack a friend's wardrobe if on a budget. Do a role-play with them where you dress in a new style, pretending you’re someone else. Be free! Having a laugh with a girlfriend is empowering.
Love benefit? You’ll act/feel differently when out of your style-rut. You'll realise all the potential you have - and how much you have to offer someone.
5/ Spontaneity Equals Success!
Force yourself to talk to someone spontaneously. For example, if in a lift or waiting for a bus, make small talk. Note how it felt. It wasn't so frightening was it? Obviously do such things in the presence of others - NOT alone on a train at night. Next, tape-record your voice and listen to the tone. Experiment with softening, lowering and slowing it down. Research shows men are attracted to soothing and sensual, rather than high-pitched, tones.
Love benefit? Learning to be spontaneous makes "small talk" easier in any circumstances. You miss dating opportunities by freezing-up when unexpectedly confronted by someone – particularly if he’s attractive.
6/ Think Beautiful Body Language!
A potential partner takes only a minute to size up your "attractiveness". If slouched or "closed down" you look insecure or like you don't care - your body language is a turn-off.
Fine-tune your body language. Stand up straight and give eye-contact. Try the famous "double head dip" Princess Diana used to great affect. She’d look up, give eye-contact from under her fringe, once and then twice. To give a flirt-signal allow one hip to curve outwards, forming that feminine "S" shape. Run your fingers across your neckline giving him a subconscious message that you’re attracted. Tilt your head in a relaxed fashion and cross your legs towards him. Don't fidget, relax your hands in your lap or to your sides.
Love benefit? Men will approach you when you’re looking confident, chilled-out and flirty.
7/ Find Your GSOH!
We forget our sense of humour when feeling downhearted. It’s important to attracting others to come across as being good fun. After all, huge numbers of personal ads say a GSOH - good sense of humour – is crucial. Before going out watch 10 minutes of your favourite sitcom or film. Visit a comedy evening with a friend - there are more men than women in the audience!
Love benefit? Laughter gets endorphins circulating, putting a flush in your cheeks. You feel good and look attractive as flushed cheeks send a subconscious signal of sexual interest.
Finally, celebrate singledom! Enjoy your single life and thrive on being self-reliant because that's when you’re most likely to find love - when brimming with happiness and confidence.
Published in The Express Newspaper
I’m excited that my new book ‘THE LAWS OF SISTERHOOD - The girlfriends’ guide to successful dating and finding the one’ is available to preorder on Amazon.
I hope you find it a unique guide that emphasises how single friends can help each other make the most of the dating scene. As well as containing a vast array of tips and techniques to help you to dating success - everything from the first date, online dating, the signals he gives out through different behaviours, and how to improve your own signals are included.
“Pam’s dating book is inspired and will make you a much more attractive and confident date” Jo Hemmings, Behavioural psychologist and author
My new book The Emotional Eater's Diet is published in the UK on May 15 - I’m very excited as I hope emotional eaters - women or men will find it helpful. Each year 2/3s of people start a diet and 20% start a new diet each month. Yet 95% of diets aren’t successful.
I firmly believe that emotional eating to soothe difficult feelings is the culprit behind most of this failure. My book has a huge range of practical tips/strategies to help understand your emotions and manage your appetite. There are mini-quizes and real case studies.
It’s available to preorder on Amazon. Please remember that food can fuel your energy needs but not your emotional needs. Take care!
I'm delighted that my latest book Sex Academy was endorsed by my fellow self-help author Siski Green who said: "Sex Academy really is THE Bible of sex books. The lessons and lectures cover the A-Z of everything you want to know - from Anal sex to getting Zero sex." I hope you enjoy it!
I was so excited and HAPPY to write this book on happiness covering my 10 unique Happiness Principles. I hope it helps increase your well-being, contentment, and happiness. I've packed it with dozens and dozens of easy-to-use strategies, plus life-changing insights. Based on about five years of collecting case studies and research I hope you'll find it helpful.
My latest sex guide's out - I've gone through thousands of questions people ask me about sex - from why they don't feel desire to how to handle a partner's kinky fetish. Here are the answers plus loads of tricks and techniques. Enjoy!
Discover the relationship between your dreams and your sex- and love-life! Go on a journey of self-discovery in this unique dream book. Case studies, a dream directory, and ‘dreamersises’ help you interpret your dreams.
My research found if a couple's been together more than one year it's unlikely you've tried any new sex tip, trick or technique for at least four months! Rescue's at hand with my 250 hottest sex tips for every aspect of your sex life.
No couple or single can be without this unique, best-selling book containing a vast range of techniques, tricks and tips to turn your lover on. From attracting someone new to recharging your old relationship, Fabulous, explores each of the sexual senses in turn!
No. 1 selling book offering you tons of fantastic sex tips PLUS a new and revolutionary ways of looking at sexual pleasure and ‘problems‘ and how they fit into a person's whole life and relationships.
No. 1 selling sex book covering everything from how your body works to infinite sex tips. The Daily Star said: 'Sinful Sex has something for everyone'
A unique parenting book giving you creative techniques to understand your child better through their dreams and nightmares. These reveal so much about a child that most parents miss out on. Strengthen your parent-child relationship, their confidence and well-being!