Understanding and Overcoming Your Pre-Wedding Jitters and On-the-day...
What Fuelled the McCartney's War Of Words - Where No One Wins!
Many people wondered a few years back how Paul and Heather McCartney's marital breakdown turned into such a disastrous war of words. The vicious turn of events was shocking as their divorce became increasingly bitter. There were allegations on both sides of unreasonable behaviour. It was only a mere four months after they announced their separation when they categorically stated they’d remain friendly. At the time of emphasised it was terribly important as parents to their young daughter Beatrice that their divorce was conducted reasonably.
Despite Being Celebrities We Thought They'd Get It Right!
How admirable we thought they both were. That despite their "A-Lister" status (and by definition we assume such celebrities are incredibly spoilt and selfish) here were two parents, pledging to the hordes of attending press, to put the needs of their daughter before their own. Well, those pledges and promises did seem to go out the window!
It’s An Explosive Combination!
As an agony aunt and life coach I'm actually not in the least surprised. We’re dealing with a volatile cocktail of personality traits and circumstances of two A-list celebrities. By all accounts they’ve both strong personalities, apparently vastly different ways of conducting their lives, and there was huge wealth at stake. This against a backdrop of their whirlwind romance. Passionate, and sexually charged, it surprised many and came under massive public scrutiny. To make the emotional stakes even higher it only came about due to Paul’s tragic bereavement.
Anyone can see there were enormous pressures at play but when Paul clapped eyes on the gorgeous Heather that “was it” in his mind – a man used to getting his way ignored the immediate reservations of family. She's a woman that's both strong in character and yet with a potentially vulnerable side. He's renowned for being surrounded by "Yes-people". Conflict was hardly surprising and allegedly some close to Paul from the start looked for vulnerabilities to poke and prod at. Like a wound that was repeatedly picked problems surfaced early in their marriage.
Still, a reasonable person might think with their wealth and resources they could’ve flown in the very best marriage guidance counsellor to help put the brakes on rapidly developing problems. But this is the crux of the problem that’ll help us understand why it became such an explosive situation. Looking at the personalities involved explains why maybe they didn't seek help when problems started and why as in so many celebrity break-ups it's being aired so publicly.
Both are celebrities in their own right. And nobody becomes a celebrity by sitting back and letting fall into their lap. It takes a rare combination of qualities. These include sheer drive and determination, a very large ego where some part of their nature thinks they deserve adoration and acclamation, and usually an insecure side, too. Throw in the fact that many highly talented celebrities are touched with a bit of genius – and that’s tinged with a slight "madness". Look closely at talented people and you’ll also find their personal lives are dramatic, or even traumatic, in equal measure.
In Paul McCartney's case, you may not like his music but have to agree he’s a major musical talent. When it comes to Heather she may not have any talent per se as a performer, however with huge ambition she's carved out an international profile. These celebrity traits of drive and determination, large egos requiring feeding, and a need for adoration, with undoubted insecurities, means neither were likely to back down over their issues. If anything they’d push harder for "their way". And celebrities are used to getting their way.
When you put two celebrities together as a couple someone has to take second fiddle for it to work out. They’re both swimming in the same celebrity pool after all, with the same needs for adulation and attention. From press reports it seems both wanted their way in seemingly every aspect of their lives - and tried to bend each other to their whims.
Now we know the sorts of things behind their bloody battle in terms of celebrity and personality but let's not forget to add into the equation the fact that the life-blood of celebrity is publicity. You don't become a celebrity and maintain that status without having publicity and being in the public eye. You can’t underestimate the sorts of things that the people who make it to those dizzy heights do to stay there. Celebrities use all sorts of manipulative, cunning and even incredibly intelligent ways of keeping their name in the public consciousness. Most believe in the old adage that there's no such thing as bad publicity. This has never been more true than in our celebrity obsessed society of today.
So as their passionate love morphed into passionate hatred and it became apparent that each (or parties on their behalf) was trying to manipulate how they were perceived in the media it's become a case of all daggers drawn. The traits that drive their celebrity personalities are behind the blind hatred and righteous indignation they have in equal measures. As with the majority of celebrities caught in an increasingly public battle, both are determined to be seen as "right" and in a better light than the other, at any cost.
Celebrity Break-Up Battles Are Common -
Such powerful battles of celebrity wills are all too common in celebrity break-ups. We've seen such bad, sad, and mad behaviour through the decades and from the A-Lister's to the D-Lister's - the Liz Taylors and Richard Burtons, the Kerry Katonas and Brian McFaddens, Ulrika Johnsons and Stan Collymores, Mick Jaggers and Jerry Halls, and Liza Minellis and David Guests. By different means such celebrities have ensured their break-ups have become excruciatingly high profile.
In a ferocious battle that has no winners the sad truth is the loser will potentially at some stage be the McCartney's young daughter. Though let's hope that doesn't happen and they've got on so much better in recent years. Maybe they realised that when Beatrice is older it’d only take one child’s playground remark or a relation’s accidental slip-up for her to be exposed to their previous difficulties. Natural curiosity and miles of press cuttings means she won’t have to dig deep to see how her parents appeared to care more about their selfish needs then hers.
There are few celebrity examples where divorce hasn’t led to public exposure of their most intimate and dirty secrets. Or to act on their worst impulses to get back publicly at their ex. Both Nicole Kidman and Jennifer Aniston stand out as shining examples of women who were deeply hurt by their divorces but kept a dignified silence. I'm sure they’ve the same personality traits that propelled them to their celebrity status but also must’ve the wisdom to contain their worst impulses. It's never too late for Paul and Heather to take notice of that.
Published on MSN.co.UK
My new book The Emotional Eater's Diet is published in the UK on May 15 - I’m very excited as I hope emotional eaters - women or men will find it helpful. Each year 2/3s of people start a diet and 20% start a new diet each month. Yet 95% of diets aren’t successful.
I firmly believe that emotional eating to soothe difficult feelings is the culprit behind most of this failure. My book has a huge range of practical tips/strategies to help understand your emotions and manage your appetite. There are mini-quizes and real case studies.
It’s available to preorder on Amazon. Please remember that food can fuel your energy needs but not your emotional needs. Take care!
I'm delighted that my latest book Sex Academy was endorsed by my fellow self-help author Siski Green who said: "Sex Academy really is THE Bible of sex books. The lessons and lectures cover the A-Z of everything you want to know - from Anal sex to getting Zero sex." I hope you enjoy it!
I was so excited and HAPPY to write this book on happiness covering my 10 unique Happiness Principles. I hope it helps increase your well-being, contentment, and happiness. I've packed it with dozens and dozens of easy-to-use strategies, plus life-changing insights. Based on about five years of collecting case studies and research I hope you'll find it helpful.
My latest sex guide's out - I've gone through thousands of questions people ask me about sex - from why they don't feel desire to how to handle a partner's kinky fetish. Here are the answers plus loads of tricks and techniques. Enjoy!
Discover the relationship between your dreams and your sex- and love-life! Go on a journey of self-discovery in this unique dream book. Case studies, a dream directory, and ‘dreamersises’ help you interpret your dreams.
My research found if a couple's been together more than one year it's unlikely you've tried any new sex tip, trick or technique for at least four months! Rescue's at hand with my 250 hottest sex tips for every aspect of your sex life.
No couple or single can be without this unique, best-selling book containing a vast range of techniques, tricks and tips to turn your lover on. From attracting someone new to recharging your old relationship, Fabulous, explores each of the sexual senses in turn!
No. 1 selling book offering you tons of fantastic sex tips PLUS a new and revolutionary ways of looking at sexual pleasure and ‘problems‘ and how they fit into a person's whole life and relationships.
No. 1 selling sex book covering everything from how your body works to infinite sex tips. The Daily Star said: 'Sinful Sex has something for everyone'
A unique parenting book giving you creative techniques to understand your child better through their dreams and nightmares. These reveal so much about a child that most parents miss out on. Strengthen your parent-child relationship, their confidence and well-being!