Squaring up to Your Shynes...
If you suffer with shyness...
Master Your ‘firsts’ – Your First Date, First Phone Call and First Kiss -
We all know what a big deal first impressions are. So it won't surprise you to know that you have the ability to check women out with computer-like speed and it takes only a few seconds to decide whether you're attracted to her or not.
So once you've got past that first hurdle (and you both like what you see) and you've decided to meet up here are a few more "Firsts" you have to conquer.
Mastering Your First Date
Be prepared – like the old Boy Scout motto it's important to be prepared when you've arranged to meet up. It's no good if you've been at work, or college, or something, and you have sorted out something to wear. Do it the night before and you can arrive at the first date chilled out.
Your look - whether you've got a completely relaxed or very styled look you need to choose something that you feel confident in for your first date. It's amazing how the right clothes can make us feel. If you are wearing something that’s too tight or something you won't be able to relax with her.
Your smell - if you've been at work and don't have time for a shower before meeting up then splash some cold water on your face and don't forget the aftershave. Women pick up on your smell very quickly.
Be on time - if you're meeting in a bar or pub most women can’t stand hanging around on their own. Anyway, it's polite!
Making your entrance - something I don't think guys think about is that there are a couple of tips that’ll go a long way to walking in to where you’re meeting looking confident and relaxed. That's the number one thing she'll notice - how you look as you approach. She'll be thinking, "God he looks good, he looks so confident!" All you have to do before you walk in the door is pause and take a couple deep breaths to relax yourself. Next check your posture and make sure it's not stiff as you walk up to her.
It's true - Be yourself! If you try and put on a ‘front’ like that you're really cool when inside your nervous she'll see right through it. And don't tell a string of jokes and try and be a comedian when actually you're not very good at telling jokes. She'd much rather get to know the real you then someone who's acting fake and trying to be something they're not - like Mr Cool or Mr Stand-up Comedian.
Put her at your ease - ask some questions about herself. Not only will this stop the spotlight being on you if you're feeling a bit nervous but she'll like to be asked about herself. Anything from the music she’s most recently downloaded to a film she's seen, from her job to where she usually hangs out.
First dates should never be too formal. You might feel like trying to impress her and booking dinner at a posh restaurant but she might feel uncomfortable. Such a date puts you both under unnecessary pressure. Ideally I think people should meet up for a drink and if all is going well you can then casually ask her, ‘Should we go eat something?’
Your mobile - never pay more attention to the texts or calls that come through your mobile phone when with her. In fact it's a really good idea to turn it off unless you're expecting an urgent call.
Who pays? No matter what you think 99% of women like it when a man offers to pay even if they have every intention to pay half. The key is to be chilled out about it and not get flustered or make a big deal. Keep it simple and say, "let me pay" or "I'll get the bill".
Mastering Your First Phone Call
So you’ve had a hot date and now you’re going to make your first ‘proper’ phone call. Or you're going to have your first ‘proper’ phone call before that date. Either way when you chat on the phone keep it fun and a bit flirty!
Always before you ring her take a moment to relax your breathing. It's amazing how that will help you to lower your local tone. A lower of local tone is sexier and gives an air of confidence.
Make sure you’re not going to have any embarrassing interruptions like your mum calling your name if you still live at home or your boss dragging you into a meeting.
Stick to the easy questions like what is she up to, who’s she chilling out with, did she see ‘such and such’ programme on telly last night. You don't have to be a conversational genius or mastermind to have a fun and flirty call.
Mastering Your First Kiss
You're in a club having fun, or you’re about to say goodbye, etc., and you're dying for a snog. Here are some key things for a sexy snog:
Relax your lips -- there's nothing less sexy than tight, nervous lips.
Tilt your head down to her so she doesn't have to strain on tiptoes if she is shorter than you.
Start with lips against lips before any tongues. Just enjoy touching your lips to hers enjoying feeling the sensations. Take your time and she'll be dying for it to last!
Then gently with a relaxed tongue (a stiff poking tongue is an immediate turnoff!) slip it between her lips. If she responds by opening her lips and exploring your mouth with her tongue then you're definitely doing it right.
As you build in confidence that your tongue explore the inside of her lips - a very tender erogenous zone. Also you can gently tickle the roof of her mouth with the tip of your tongue.
While you’re doing all this mouth-action make sure you hold her with your hands and caress her.
Published on MSN.co.UK
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I hope you find it a unique guide that emphasises how single friends can help each other make the most of the dating scene. As well as containing a vast array of tips and techniques to help you to dating success - everything from the first date, online dating, the signals he gives out through different behaviours, and how to improve your own signals are included.
“Pam’s dating book is inspired and will make you a much more attractive and confident date” Jo Hemmings, Behavioural psychologist and author
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I firmly believe that emotional eating to soothe difficult feelings is the culprit behind most of this failure. My book has a huge range of practical tips/strategies to help understand your emotions and manage your appetite. There are mini-quizes and real case studies.
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