Squaring up to Your Shynes...
If you suffer with shyness...
Don't Be a Romantic Loser –
If you haven't got to grips with the fact that most women love a little romance then I suggest you do so now! Even a smart, savvy career girl loves some romance. This is because romance signals to her that you think she's special. And that puts her in the mood for romance - and more - if that's the way your dating/new relationship is going.
Your comfort zone
Romance is all about her feeling comfortable around you. When she feels good in your presence it's easier to impress her with some romance. So create what I call a ‘comfort zone’ around you – so she feels good in your zone. Your comfort zone is part about being yourself so she can relax and part about making a special effort to generate romance.
I coined a term a number of years ago called Before-play. This is all about setting the whole scene for romance and potentially seducing her. Your Before-play includes being flirty on the phone before you meet up, complimenting her when you see each other, making her feel a bit special – yes, open the door for her when you get to the pub or restaurant! Etc. It also includes you not being stressed out because you've just rushed from work to meet her - never attractive or sexy!
Romantic gestures to do for her
Let's start small:
After your date send her a text saying how hot or lovely she looked.
If she mentioned her favourite band or pop singer then e-mail her a clip of them performing. It shows you listened to what she said!
Likewise if she happened to say something random like about her ‘addiction to Crunchie bars’ when you next meet up with her bring one along, preferably in a little gift bag.
Once you know her a little you can arrange to pop by her office for lunch but bring with you a surprise little ‘picnic’ lunch. It only has to be a couple sandwiches and smoothies but it's the thought that makes it so romantic!
You don't want to turn into a stalker type and text her all the time until things really get going and a relationship develops - but you should always send her a text after an evening out to make sure she's got home and saying something nice about the evening. The fact that you care about her safety will actually feel quite romantic to her.
Take her to a scary movie or a thriller flick and wrap your arm right around her so she feels cosy and secure. A great ploy to get her snuggling up!
As you get to know her more try these –
Definitely cook dinner for her - it doesn't have to be anything amazing - but make it amazing by lighting the table with candles and making sure you have some mood music on. She's much more likely to notice the ambience rather than what you actually put on her plate!
Ask if you can borrow her iPod and then load some "love" music onto it.
As you get to know her more you can light your bathroom with little candles and run a hot and sudsy bath for her. Part of what women see as being romantic is being cared for particularly in a sensual way.
You'll really blow her socks off if you offer to wash her hair for her, or offer to comb it out after she's washed it, or even paint her fingernails! Such simple and erotic pleasures go along way to her feeling special around you.
If she’s mentioned she wants to see a particular movie then surprise her and book it for her and take her along. Don't tell her where you’re going and once you get to the cinema don't tell her what film you're seeing until it starts.
You can't go wrong with some old-fashioned gifts like flowers and chocolates. Better to make them small and high-quality then to buy cheap stuff.
GET SENSUAL – building on romance, the next step is learning sensuality! Wash each other’s hair. Paint her toes. Comb his hair and ssage his neck.
Definitely offer to give her a massage particularly if she's had a tough day. As you gently stroke her neck and rub her shoulders it’ll stimulate the production of Oxytocin – the ‘love’ hormone. This makes her feel good in your company.
Then continue to punctuate your fledgeling relationship with lots of flirty and complimentary texts, e-mails and phone calls.
Published on MSN.co.UK
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“Pam’s dating book is inspired and will make you a much more attractive and confident date” Jo Hemmings, Behavioural psychologist and author
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I firmly believe that emotional eating to soothe difficult feelings is the culprit behind most of this failure. My book has a huge range of practical tips/strategies to help understand your emotions and manage your appetite. There are mini-quizes and real case studies.
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