Squaring up to Your Shynes...
If you suffer with shyness...
Get the Lowdown on Love at First Sight –
Many people claim that love at first sight simply isn't possible and say that if you believe in it you're buying into a fairy tale. What I say is that ‘lust’ and ‘potential love at first sight’ is definitely possible! I know this because we can tell if we’re immediately attracted to someone through their physical looks. And also at the deeper level of being attracted to use someone's personality, our unconscious minds literally start giving off loads of information about us and our backgrounds to each other.
In one evening you can learn so much about someone - what their family life was partly like, what sort of personality they have and whether you to have the chance and a relationship. Yes, a lot of this might be guesswork but it's based on lots of information you're picking up at an unconscious level as well as all the things you're telling each other. The sort of things that definitely make you think, "Yes, we’d really get along!" Or not as the case may be.
Where do the problems start?
I know where the main problem starts when someone thinks they're in love at first sight and then finds out a couple weeks later that they don't feel love. It’s when you decide to kid yourself at the beginning about things he does or says that perhaps don't tally with what you're looking for but you choose at least an unconscious level to ignore them. As time goes by you can't ignore these things/differences any longer.
Lust at first sight?
There's definitely lust at first sight where you two share an immediate sexual chemistry which means you might ignore other things about him. And just because you two might experience fireworks in bed it doesn't mean you two would share the good things that make it real love and turn it into a relationship.
Let's face it the sexual chemistry we experience developed to make sure the human species survived. If we can feel strong sexual attraction we wouldn't reproduce. Of course we've come a long way from our ancient ancestors and we expect a lot more from relationship. But we can't deny that sexual chemistry often exists where love wouldn't necessarily develop.
Take your time –
Considering these things it's best to take your time before acting on your sexual chemistry if you want more than sex from him. If you leap into bed when you think you might love him - and you're looking for a relationship - but he's only looking for sex, then you may be very hurt.
Can you spot Mr. Right from afar when out on the pull?
You have a definite chance of spotting your Mr Right when out on the pull. That's because if you have that initial, powerful attraction then you're willing to find out a bit about him. And because we can tell things about his personality from, say, the way he stands - like he's naturally confident or he's naturally the joker of his group - we know whether or not we like that sort of personality.
Also because we pick up information about him so quickly, that although we might end up wrong by thinking he's someone we could fall for - when we don't end up falling for him - chances are we might be right. And he maybe our Mr Right.
How long does it take once you've met him to know if he might be 'the one'?
Look out for the ‘Rule of Three' - something I identified through speaking to thousands of people as an agony aunt on radio. The ‘Rule of Three' involves three crucial hurdles in a young relationship.
The 3rd date - the 3rd date is the first make or break hurdle for the way you feel about him. This is when the immediate sexual and physical attraction is likely to wear off if things aren't going to go further between you.
The 3rd week - if you make it through the first few dates and still like him, the next hurdle is after about three weeks when he starts to reveal any annoying habits or weird quirks that put you off. This is a key time for break-ups.
The 3rd month - after about three months of dating him that's when you start to think about things like would you ever want to move in with him, would you want to have his babies, would you marry him, etc. It's also the time you two start talking about more serious things. And those are the sort of things that can break you. At this stage you may really be thinking he's the one if you’ve spent a fair amount of time together and his quirks and habits don't bother you - and yours don't bother him!
Published on MSN.co.uk
I’m excited that my new book ‘THE LAWS OF SISTERHOOD - The girlfriends’ guide to successful dating and finding the one’ is available to preorder on Amazon.
I hope you find it a unique guide that emphasises how single friends can help each other make the most of the dating scene. As well as containing a vast array of tips and techniques to help you to dating success - everything from the first date, online dating, the signals he gives out through different behaviours, and how to improve your own signals are included.
“Pam’s dating book is inspired and will make you a much more attractive and confident date” Jo Hemmings, Behavioural psychologist and author
My new book The Emotional Eater's Diet is published in the UK on May 15 - I’m very excited as I hope emotional eaters - women or men will find it helpful. Each year 2/3s of people start a diet and 20% start a new diet each month. Yet 95% of diets aren’t successful.
I firmly believe that emotional eating to soothe difficult feelings is the culprit behind most of this failure. My book has a huge range of practical tips/strategies to help understand your emotions and manage your appetite. There are mini-quizes and real case studies.
It’s available to preorder on Amazon. Please remember that food can fuel your energy needs but not your emotional needs. Take care!
I'm delighted that my latest book Sex Academy was endorsed by my fellow self-help author Siski Green who said: "Sex Academy really is THE Bible of sex books. The lessons and lectures cover the A-Z of everything you want to know - from Anal sex to getting Zero sex." I hope you enjoy it!
I was so excited and HAPPY to write this book on happiness covering my 10 unique Happiness Principles. I hope it helps increase your well-being, contentment, and happiness. I've packed it with dozens and dozens of easy-to-use strategies, plus life-changing insights. Based on about five years of collecting case studies and research I hope you'll find it helpful.
My latest sex guide's out - I've gone through thousands of questions people ask me about sex - from why they don't feel desire to how to handle a partner's kinky fetish. Here are the answers plus loads of tricks and techniques. Enjoy!
Discover the relationship between your dreams and your sex- and love-life! Go on a journey of self-discovery in this unique dream book. Case studies, a dream directory, and ‘dreamersises’ help you interpret your dreams.
My research found if a couple's been together more than one year it's unlikely you've tried any new sex tip, trick or technique for at least four months! Rescue's at hand with my 250 hottest sex tips for every aspect of your sex life.
No couple or single can be without this unique, best-selling book containing a vast range of techniques, tricks and tips to turn your lover on. From attracting someone new to recharging your old relationship, Fabulous, explores each of the sexual senses in turn!
No. 1 selling book offering you tons of fantastic sex tips PLUS a new and revolutionary ways of looking at sexual pleasure and ‘problems‘ and how they fit into a person's whole life and relationships.
No. 1 selling sex book covering everything from how your body works to infinite sex tips. The Daily Star said: 'Sinful Sex has something for everyone'
A unique parenting book giving you creative techniques to understand your child better through their dreams and nightmares. These reveal so much about a child that most parents miss out on. Strengthen your parent-child relationship, their confidence and well-being!