Title

Getting Together Again?

Affair-Proof Your Relationship

The Ultimate Christmas Relationship Survival Guide...

Understanding and Overcoming Your Pre-Wedding Jitters and On-the-day Nerves...

Getting Together Again...

Excuses at the Ready ...

How to Re-light Your Fire - And Make the Second Time around a Success!

Two People, But One-sided...

Some thoughts on people with love Plan-Bs

Passion Fatigue...

How to Walk Away from an Unhappy Relationship...

Subconscious Sabotage...

Whatever Makes You Happy...

Money does matter...

Body Image Nightmare...

Understanding and Overcoming Your Pre-Wedding Jitters and On-the-day Nerves –

Age-gap anxiety...

Friends Connected at the Hip & Dating...

Marriage SOS...

Dating Again after a Breakup...

Laughed straight between the sheets....

Too Good to be True...

Beware the Mention of the Exes...

Murder on the Dance Floor....

Lusting after Another Love...

The Rise of the Plan B Pact...

How Romance Can Be like Extracting Teeth...

Credit Crunch Couples...

Christmas time advice for struggling couples...

Third-Party Interference...

Opposites That Don't Attract...

The Female Self-Destruct Button

The Convenience of Compartments...

Unlikely Apologies...

Masculine Confidences

The Chill Look of Contempt...

He/She Isn't the Person That I Settled Down With....

Dating at a Distance...

The Imperfect Perfectionists...

Why He Doesn't Ring When He Says He Will...

The Curse Of The Competitive Couples...

It Seemed So Right, Now It’s So Wrong....

I married my mother...

Never Under-estimate a GSOH...

Don't Get Too Comfortable...

Why Not Indulge Him?

Bickering Versus A Good Old Barney....

Pre-Wedding Jitters? Join the Crowd...

Do They Really Mean It?

Never Underestimate The Power Of Affection And Touch ...

The Facts About Flirtatious Behaviour...

He Has A Nose Like Groucho Marx

What Do We Lose When We Gain A New Lover?

When your partner reflects on you...

How to Get Things Started When You Meet Someone New

Advice for struggling couples:...

A Guide to Having A Happy Engagement ...

Use the days between Xmas and New Year to recharge your relationship

How to Get Back into the Dating Game

Whose Chat-up Line Is It Anyway?

10 Steps to Overcome the Green Eyed Monster

How Love Unrequited Links so Many of Our Hearts

How to Breakup Amicably...

Beware of the Love Pirates...Here is a warning about the lads who will capture your heart

Love is in the air - seven signs that say he's attracted to you!

The Best Dating Tips Ever...

Whirlwind Weddings – Too Much, Too Soon!

Adultery and betrayal, here are some things you might want to consider

Does Your Relationship Need Resuscitation? Welcome to the crowd...

Has Your Man Disappeared into His Communication ‘Cave’?

Kissing tips that work!

When the Internet Comes between You

Bridge That Glaring Age Gap

The Ultimate Couple's Communication Guide

QUIZ: What's Your Love Profile?

Try these love challenges (1)

Understanding Men

A Few Points About Some Male Personality Types -

Try these love challenges (2)

Become An Action Woman To Find Love

Try these love challenges (3)

Single Women - Personal Growth

Try these love challenges (4)

"Couple time" at the weekend is crucial!

When You and Mr Right Want Different Things

Relationship damage-limitation: quick fix communication tips -

The three tell tale signs you aren't quite over your ex

Some points about men who might give you "mad cow disease"

A Few Thoughts on Successful Relationships

Five Top Tips for Long Distance Relationships

Notes on when to talk about BABIES -

The Stages of Relationships

A few top communication tips!

Dating after a break-up

Keeping positive when you want to start dating again!

Finding love and fun on holiday!

When you "down date"

Dating "firsts"

Beware - the problems with Internet dating!

First dates - some dos and don'ts!

More thoughts on first dates!

Some top dating tips!

Couples - put your relationship through an MOT!

Top speed dating tips!

The key to looking interested not desperate when dating!

My Thoughts on Pre-Marital Counselling

Do You Recognise Yourself in These Romantic Profiles?

Making Compromises or Being under Someone's Thumb?

Some Thoughts on Adolescent Relationship Worries

A Few Thoughts on Broken Hearts

When He Pays Too Much Attention to TV, Computer Games or gadgets!

Are You Staying with Him or Her Because of Your Lifestyle?

Some Questions And Things Men Wonder/Worry About

From platonic relationship, to one night stand, to affair

An Affair Doesn't Necessarily Spell The End

Nine Things You Should Never Say To Your New Love!

Get Some Va Va Va-voom for Valentines!

What Happened To The Innocence Of Valentine's?

QUIZ: What Every Woman Who Wants To Marry Should Know!

Christmas-proof Your Relationship For The Fraught Holiday Season!

Why Mismatched Couples Should Beware!

You Can Get Out Of An Abusive Or Violent Relationship!

Just How Manly A Man Do You Want?

Understanding The McCartney's War Of Words When They Divorced

Toy Boys - The Latest Celebrity Girls’ Fashion Accessory

What's the real meaning behind his Valentine's gift to you?

Guys - some top tips for buying her a fabulous present!

Stop Worrying About Your Wedding! Beat those wedding-day nerves!

Dating tips for MEN - The Secrets Of Her Body Language

Dating tips for MEN - Your First Date, First Phone Call and First Kiss

Dating tips for MEN - Surefire Ways and Where to Meet Women

Dating tips for MEN - Don't Be a Romantic Loser

Dating tips for WOMEN - Capturing His Attention

Dating tips for WOMEN - What to Do When Things Go Wrong

Dating tips for WOMEN - The Wise Woman's Guide to The Art of Flirting

Dating tips for WOMEN - Love at First Sight

Thoughts on Why Infidelity Is on the Rise

Four Fabulous Steps To Improve Your Relationship!

MEN: You behaved badly - what to do!

Suspect He's Cheating?

Seven Secrets of Successful Long-Distance Relationships

Find Love For Valentine's Day!

QUIZ: Is It Love or Is It Lust?

How To Decipher Male- Versus Female-Speak

QUIZ: Are You A Man's Woman Or A Woman's Woman?

How Marriage Changes Through The Decades

Relationship Guaranteed: 10 Little Tricks To Stay Together

Marriage SOS – Seven steps to save your relationship!

QUIZ: Are You Marrying For The Right Reasons?

The Great Matchmaker Guide

Prevent A Mid-Life Crisis In Your Marriage

The Millisecond Marriages – Too Much, Too Soon!

Money, Men And You

Why Do You Have Repeated Relationship Failures?

Are You Too Needy In Relationships?

The Unique And Quirky Guide To Finding Love In The New Year!

The Nine Signs of a Non-committer

Eight Things You Should Never Say To Your Partner

Has Your Relationship Suffered Over Summer?

The Ten-Minute Window in Relationships

Prevent an Affair!

The Secrets of Seduction

A Warning Call To The Lonely And Single Generation!

QUIZ: How Likely Are You To Have An Affair?

QUIZ: How Insecure Is Your Love?

Could He Be A Natural-Born Cheat?

QUIZ: How Well Do You Know Your Man?

Seven Secrets of Successful Long-Distance Relationships

The New Dating Dilemmas - And How To Cope With Them

The Deal Breakers That Threaten Your Relationship

QUIZ: Don't Ditch Your Relationship Too Soon!

Warning - Divorce Is Dangerous To Your Health!

The Fabulous Flirt Guide

QUIZ: Great EX-pectations - Is Your Ex Jeopardising Your Relationship?

QUIZ: Harness Those Wedding Day Doubts And Nerves

QUIZ: Are You Still Haunted By The Ghost Of Your Ex?

Beware - Your Broken Heart Should Come With A Health Warning!

Heal Your Xmas Holiday Break-up!

A QUICKIE FOR YOU: My top five tips for a long relationship

Some crucial tips to avoid money related arguments!

Top Relationship Tips For Preventing Christmas Stress

Couples: Be careful what you bicker about

QUIZ: Are You Bored To Tears With Your Relationship?

Separated But Still Under The Same Roof!

Six Signs Your First Date Could Signal Love!

The Seven Deadly Signs Your Relationship Is In Trouble

Seven Ways to His Heart You Probably Haven't Thought Of!

QUIZ: The Great Guide To Having A Second Go!

Find Love In A Few Weeks!

Story

The Stages of Relationships

21/10/2009

The Stages of Relationships - questions and answers

1 Why do relationships go through ups and downs? Why do there seem to be times when everything is in sync? And why are there suddenly times when you feel distant, out of touch with one another or resentful?

 

‘Every relationship goes through ups and downs – not just romantic ones but family, friends and work relationships too. A couple will not always agree on the bigger picture like where they are heading and where the emphasis of their time should fall (e.g. career or on each other?) or smaller issues like sharing chores and who’s friends they should hang out with that weekend. Large or small they can either both cope well and together work out an issue or face a hurdle – finding synchrony even in disagreement. Or it can become the proverbial ‘straw’ that breaks their emotional connection for a time causing them to feel out of synch. This generates bad feeling and a sense that they don’t work together as they should. Such lack of synchrony doesn’t always have a bad outcome as they may learn from it what the pitfalls are for them as a unique couple the next time they’re faced with relationship stress.’ 

 

2 What 'stages' do relationships go through that define how in sync you are? Eg: honeymoon period, 'two' year itch (we have noticed that this seems to be a crucial juncture, rather than 7 years- is this true?! Is there research that shows there are certain 'yearly' junctures in a relationship when it is more vulnerable?

 

‘There are a number of key stages a relationship goes through beginning with the honeymoon stage where we have a huge capacity to ignore any faults in our lover. But those with the foresight to both see a new lover for who they are (warts and all) and still relish every moment with them is a good predictor of overall harmony and synchrony. Those who are completely blind to a lover’s faults (and their own) may fail to negotiate the next major hurdle they face when the honeymoon’s worn off. The next stage of adaptation comes at about 3-6-month mark often depending on how quickly things have been moving. In this stage you either adapt to each other’s unique personalities and way of relating or these things start to cause disagreements that you might find hard to manage. This phase of adaptation can signal future success or failure. If the adaptation is superficial, e.g., the woman who still holds out hope her lover will change in some crucial way, then the relationship will easily fail at any major hurdles. This is followed by the critical stage of acceptance that usually falls around the 2-3 year mark. If successful this stage is marked out by acceptance of differences across the board and, importantly, the acceptance of the way you two relate together. If genuine acceptance isn’t achieved this can be a dangerous time for a relationship with the sorts of pressures expected at this time – e.g., will we, won’t we move in? Will we, won’t we get married? Etc. It’s also a time when boredom in the relationship or frustration over certain issues are liable to come out. Finally there’s the renewal stage where couples often achieve newfound synchrony and communication for long-term success if any issues from the acceptance stage are sorted out or managed well.

 

3 What causes the different 'love stages'? (life situation, hormones, biorhythms etc...)

 

The different love stages are affected by major life events, e.g., the realisation you may want to have children within the next couples years (your biological clock starts ticking), external pressures, e.g., expectant parents who want to see their child settled down, to career decisions, e.g., if one of you has to move to secure a promotion. On top of these there are smaller considerations that still impact on your synchrony, e.g., your monthly cycle and how this makes you feel in terms of being loving or not, illness, staying connected to friends out of the relationship and how much you two may vary in your emphasis of this, etc.

 

4 What can couples do to become more 'in sync' with each other? What's the best strategy to get through tricky times?

 

Each couple is unique and need to devise their own strategies to cope with pressures and changes to keep in synch. However all couples can benefit from these strategies: always choose times wisely to discuss issues; select neutral territory (e.g. if you don’t live together then don’t choose one of your flats as the other will feel disadvantaged); begin with the positives you have and how you can ‘grow’ these; look at ways you’ve successfully negotiated issues in the past and use these again; seek compromise or ‘turn taking’; live by the old adage that it’s better to ‘be happy than right’.