Is Being A Control Freak Causing You Problems? Rein in your controlling...
When the Internet Comes between You
Many people fail to realise that spending lots of time on Internet sites like Facebook and Twitter or just generally blogging or surfing the net can slowly but surely invade and ruin their relationship. The problem is that it's hard to recognise this is happening. Because the problems caused to your relationship don't just happen just overnight - instead day by day the problem slowly creeps into it and suddenly you realise there’s a distance between you two. And that distance is all about how much time you spend chatting to friends on Facebook, etc., instead of to your partner.
Making new friends on the net can be easy and feels fun and new. But actually if you let that time overtake the time for your partner then you end up neglecting your relationship. And it's so easy to do and certainly you end up in a situation where you've got a problem with your partner. You desperately want to get back to where you two were - being with each other and enjoying it but it's not that easy to stop going on sites like Facebook. You feel you're missing out.
So many women say to me that their problem is their partner being furious with them and how suddenly "we're having these rows about how much time I spend networking" and they can’t see how they're going to get the balance back to where it was before - where they enjoyed their partner but also spent some time on the net.
It's very hard to give up these things - you really feel you're missing out and worry that you'll lose your new friends. But are they really friends? You need to ask yourself this. Have you even met up with them and had face-to-face time? The thing is I know that often when this happens - and you meet up - it's a big disappointment. And I know people who've kicked themselves over ruining their real relationship for some false net ones.
Also it's easy to slip into flirting with people you meet like this and suddenly they seem far more exciting than your partner who is there every day. But on the whole some quick thrills from someone off the net end up very shallow and I regularly speak to people who are trying to make things up to a partner they've cheated on.
Use some common sense to prevent this happening to your relationship: prevention as always better than cure says that a reasonable limit on how long you'll do things like going on Facebook. Talk to your partner about it so that you both know what your expectations are.
Carve out time together that should be fun and keep things fresh. As well as not letting the net take over your relationship, you shouldn't let it take over the rest of your life. It's great for keeping in touch with friends but don't let it overtake face-to-face communication with them or your partner.
My new book The Emotional Eater's Diet is published in the UK on May 15 - I’m very excited as I hope emotional eaters - women or men will find it helpful. Each year 2/3s of people start a diet and 20% start a new diet each month. Yet 95% of diets aren’t successful.
I firmly believe that emotional eating to soothe difficult feelings is the culprit behind most of this failure. My book has a huge range of practical tips/strategies to help understand your emotions and manage your appetite. There are mini-quizes and real case studies.
It’s available to preorder on Amazon. Please remember that food can fuel your energy needs but not your emotional needs. Take care!
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