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10 Steps to Overcome the Green Eyed Monster...Haven't we all felt the grasp of the green-eyed monster at some point? I think the answer is Yes, definitely! Most could empathise with Geri Halliwell when she was pictured in the summer losing it when boyfriend Henry Beckwith who couldn't keep his eyes to himself.
Here are 10 essential tips to tackle your jealousy:
Tip No. 1: It's Human Nature
Make it your mantra that you accept that everyone looks attractive people - and that includes you! It's human nature to notice good-looking people and we're programmed to do so. Once you realise a fleeting glance is acceptable they're less likely to send you into a rage.
Tip No. 2: Do a Reality Check
Have you struggled with jealousy in the past? Are you always too quick to jump to the wrong conclusions? If this is the case then you need to accept the green eyed monster within you is the problem. Not your boyfriend/partner doing anything wrong.
Tip No. 3: Hold Your Hands Up
If it's your problem, begin at the beginning: be upfront and tell your partner you’re going to work on your jealous impulses. By holding your hands up to your behaviour and enlisting their help you double your chances of changing.
Tip No. 4: Slip into Security
Now you're ready to begin by boosting your feelings of security generally. Make a list of all the reasons why you are a lovable. Really go for it and be honest for yourself. You have loads to offer so remind yourself of this on a daily basis. Visualise a ‘stop sign’ each time an insecure thought enters your mind.
Tip No. 5: Jealousy Hotspots
Make a list of the types of situations that you haven't been able to cope with - is it when he looks at an attractive woman, comments on a beautiful actress in a film, has to work late with female colleagues, etc.? Again, go heavy on honesty even if it's a bit humiliating! Know your hotspots so you can tackle them.
Tip No. 6: Fantasy Women
Take that list and begin with the "stuff of fantasies". Tell yourself that Angelina Jolie isn't going to track him down on Facebook! Bring yourself back down to earth every time you feel a jealous impulse towards someone like a foxy pop star or actress. He's not going to bag one!
Tip No. 7: Handling Your Hotspots
Now for the "real stuff" - those jealous moments you have when you see a woman talk to him at a party, in a bar, or when he works with women. Challenge and substitute every jealous thought. For instance, "I can’t stand him working with women, he's going to leave me for one of them," should be substituted with, "I come across men - and I don't run off with them. He's not going to run off with women either!" Do this for every jealous thought/hotspot - don't let any slip through the net!
Tip No. 8: Admire Attractive People
When out together do the opposite of what you'd normally do. Spot a beautiful woman and tell yourself how amazing she looks. Do this for a minute or two - sounds bizarre I know, but it makes you challenge yourself. Then tell yourself he's with you and you’re the wonderful, fabulous woman he wants. Ask him not to respond if you make a jealous remark. Because when partners respond, it drags them into a cycle of having to justify themselves - e.g., that they're not thinking of another woman - when they shouldn't have to do.
Tip No. 9: What's He Up To
Now, check out his reality - is he a natural born flirt? Perhaps tactless around attractive women, with eyes like heat-seeking missiles? In that case, set him straight on behaving tactfully. Spell out exactly how you feel (hurt), and that you accept we all notice attractive people, but you draw the line at his tongue hanging out of his mouth.
Tip No. 10: Time For Action
If he continues leering warn him you’ll take drastic measures and leave the situation. Then do it, if needs be, as he needs to learn a lesson. It'll only take once or twice for him to realise he can't behave badly.
Ultimately putting these tips into action take time and effort but the payoff is a far happier relationship - plus you boosting your sense of security.
A similar article was published on MSN.co.uk
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I firmly believe that emotional eating to soothe difficult feelings is the culprit behind most of this failure. My book has a huge range of practical tips/strategies to help understand your emotions and manage your appetite. There are mini-quizes and real case studies.
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