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I married my mother...A male pal, Paul, recently confessed that his new wife has turned out to be just like his mother. He's felt conflict about this, wondering if he has some sort of Oedipus complex. Yet on the other hand he feels so comfortable with his wife. I reassured Paul he wasn't hankering after his mother.
I find a repeated pattern when it comes to discovering a partner is like a parent. It's often two or three years into a relationship when the penny drops that the person you're with is similar to your parent.
By that point the haze of passion and romance has worn off revealing a more down-to-earth picture of your partner. That underlying knowledge has probably always been there subconsciously, but has been over-ridden by the intensity of those other emotions.
Also significantly by that time you’ve made some major decisions together - where to live, whether to get married, and so on. That's when crucial personality traits tumble out of your partner and suddenly it's like deja-vu. Inwardly you think, e.g., "That's what my mum/dad used to feel about making a big investment." It all falls into place and hopefully that's a happy place!
But with a client, Lucy, it wasn't that simple. The love-hate relationship she’d had with her father was playing itself out in the love-hate relationship with her boyfriend. She resented the fact that he reminded her of her father and their difficult relationship.
We discussed how people may be drawn to someone for this very reason: unfinished business. With realising you try to work through an unfinished parent-child issue in a romantic relationship.
A little bit of insight can go a long way. Lucy started to let go of the way she’d been relating with her boyfriend and dug deep to find a new way involving less conflict. The pay-off? Not only was she now relating to him more positively but also to her dear old dad.
A similar article was published in The Times
I’m excited that my new book ‘THE LAWS OF SISTERHOOD - The girlfriends’ guide to successful dating and finding the one’ is available to preorder on Amazon.
I hope you find it a unique guide that emphasises how single friends can help each other make the most of the dating scene. As well as containing a vast array of tips and techniques to help you to dating success - everything from the first date, online dating, the signals he gives out through different behaviours, and how to improve your own signals are included.
“Pam’s dating book is inspired and will make you a much more attractive and confident date” Jo Hemmings, Behavioural psychologist and author
My new book The Emotional Eater's Diet is published in the UK on May 15 - I’m very excited as I hope emotional eaters - women or men will find it helpful. Each year 2/3s of people start a diet and 20% start a new diet each month. Yet 95% of diets aren’t successful.
I firmly believe that emotional eating to soothe difficult feelings is the culprit behind most of this failure. My book has a huge range of practical tips/strategies to help understand your emotions and manage your appetite. There are mini-quizes and real case studies.
It’s available to preorder on Amazon. Please remember that food can fuel your energy needs but not your emotional needs. Take care!
I'm delighted that my latest book Sex Academy was endorsed by my fellow self-help author Siski Green who said: "Sex Academy really is THE Bible of sex books. The lessons and lectures cover the A-Z of everything you want to know - from Anal sex to getting Zero sex." I hope you enjoy it!
I was so excited and HAPPY to write this book on happiness covering my 10 unique Happiness Principles. I hope it helps increase your well-being, contentment, and happiness. I've packed it with dozens and dozens of easy-to-use strategies, plus life-changing insights. Based on about five years of collecting case studies and research I hope you'll find it helpful.
My latest sex guide's out - I've gone through thousands of questions people ask me about sex - from why they don't feel desire to how to handle a partner's kinky fetish. Here are the answers plus loads of tricks and techniques. Enjoy!
Discover the relationship between your dreams and your sex- and love-life! Go on a journey of self-discovery in this unique dream book. Case studies, a dream directory, and ‘dreamersises’ help you interpret your dreams.
My research found if a couple's been together more than one year it's unlikely you've tried any new sex tip, trick or technique for at least four months! Rescue's at hand with my 250 hottest sex tips for every aspect of your sex life.
No couple or single can be without this unique, best-selling book containing a vast range of techniques, tricks and tips to turn your lover on. From attracting someone new to recharging your old relationship, Fabulous, explores each of the sexual senses in turn!
No. 1 selling book offering you tons of fantastic sex tips PLUS a new and revolutionary ways of looking at sexual pleasure and ‘problems‘ and how they fit into a person's whole life and relationships.
No. 1 selling sex book covering everything from how your body works to infinite sex tips. The Daily Star said: 'Sinful Sex has something for everyone'
A unique parenting book giving you creative techniques to understand your child better through their dreams and nightmares. These reveal so much about a child that most parents miss out on. Strengthen your parent-child relationship, their confidence and well-being!