Stop Worrying And Start Living... Here's...
He/She Isn't the Person That I Settled Down With
When you sign up for a relationship do you also sign up for the changes that are destined to happen over time? Chatting to an acquaintance, Hannah, 44, she expressed frustration with her husband of seven years, Jeff. The source of her hair pulling? The fact he’d piled on the pounds in recent years and didn't seem bothered.
Hannah had kept herself fairly trim and found Jeff's weight gain a turnoff. But not just in the bedroom. To her it was a signal that he simply gave up caring generally about their relationship. Rightly or wrongly this belief had tarnished her feelings for her essentially pleasant husband.
Most of us realise that five, 10 or 20 years down the line we may not look the same: spreading a bit (or a lot!), becoming grey around the hairline, and generally more rumpled than in the first flush of love. For most couples this isn’t a problem - and it’s one sign of a deepening love that they’re oblivious to or can joke about such natural changes. But for others they like certain standards, if you will, to be maintained and are unhappy with their partners when standards are relaxed.
As Hannah's experience shows it's not just the men who we traditionally think that rather old-fashioned saying “they’ve let themselves go" applies. I find regardless of gender that when a person feels their partner doesn't care about themselves enough that they equally don't care about "me" either.
But is it a crime if you expect your partner to make an effort over time? If you feel about your partner as Hannah feels, is that unreasonable? I believe it comes down to an implicit agreement that couples have about all sorts of things. They may not vocalise these things but they still count.
What Hannah needed to do was to evaluate the implicit agreement she thought she had with Jeff. Had he ever felt this way? If so, why had he given up on this? If not, why had she made these assumptions?
Frank soul-searching can sometimes lead to better understanding of the expectations propping up your relationship generally. And specifically, they can lead to more tender feelings toward the partner that’s changed. When your time comes for needing some tenderness then you'll be much more likely to get it.
A similar article was published in The Times
My new book The Emotional Eater's Diet is published in the UK on May 15 - I’m very excited as I hope emotional eaters - women or men will find it helpful. Each year 2/3s of people start a diet and 20% start a new diet each month. Yet 95% of diets aren’t successful.
I firmly believe that emotional eating to soothe difficult feelings is the culprit behind most of this failure. My book has a huge range of practical tips/strategies to help understand your emotions and manage your appetite. There are mini-quizes and real case studies.
It’s available to preorder on Amazon. Please remember that food can fuel your energy needs but not your emotional needs. Take care!
I'm delighted that my latest book Sex Academy was endorsed by my fellow self-help author Siski Green who said: "Sex Academy really is THE Bible of sex books. The lessons and lectures cover the A-Z of everything you want to know - from Anal sex to getting Zero sex." I hope you enjoy it!
I was so excited and HAPPY to write this book on happiness covering my 10 unique Happiness Principles. I hope it helps increase your well-being, contentment, and happiness. I've packed it with dozens and dozens of easy-to-use strategies, plus life-changing insights. Based on about five years of collecting case studies and research I hope you'll find it helpful.
My latest sex guide's out - I've gone through thousands of questions people ask me about sex - from why they don't feel desire to how to handle a partner's kinky fetish. Here are the answers plus loads of tricks and techniques. Enjoy!
Discover the relationship between your dreams and your sex- and love-life! Go on a journey of self-discovery in this unique dream book. Case studies, a dream directory, and ‘dreamersises’ help you interpret your dreams.
My research found if a couple's been together more than one year it's unlikely you've tried any new sex tip, trick or technique for at least four months! Rescue's at hand with my 250 hottest sex tips for every aspect of your sex life.
No couple or single can be without this unique, best-selling book containing a vast range of techniques, tricks and tips to turn your lover on. From attracting someone new to recharging your old relationship, Fabulous, explores each of the sexual senses in turn!
No. 1 selling book offering you tons of fantastic sex tips PLUS a new and revolutionary ways of looking at sexual pleasure and ‘problems‘ and how they fit into a person's whole life and relationships.
No. 1 selling sex book covering everything from how your body works to infinite sex tips. The Daily Star said: 'Sinful Sex has something for everyone'
A unique parenting book giving you creative techniques to understand your child better through their dreams and nightmares. These reveal so much about a child that most parents miss out on. Strengthen your parent-child relationship, their confidence and well-being!