Squaring up to Your Shynes...
If you suffer with shyness...
Unlikely Apologies...Doesn’t it make you feel better when someone gives a heartfelt apology? (As always all personal details in this article have been completely changed)
So much meaning’s contained in the simple words, "I'm sorry", that are like verbal honey. You know they’re sorry they hurt or upset you. They've given it thought. They want you to feel better. All of these are important things to smoothing over the bumps in relationships.
So why is sorry such a tough word for many men to say? A friend, Tanya, 41, had a typical experience after a row caused by her husband. Often late, the last straw was him being late for her best friend’s 40th birthday do. Tanya was left hanging about the hotel foyer where the party was being held. She positively simmered with anger worrying hotel guests would think she was some sort of call girl!
Robert dashed in saying he'd explain later. He gave Tanya a hug and seeing her face like thunder murmured something about drawing a line under it. Then he whisked her into the private party room without uttering those two words.
I can tell you that WW3 broke out when they got home. Tanya was incensed that he just couldn't say sorry. Robert explained his delay. He assured her that no one would take her for a call girl. He said that no one noticed them arrive late. Everything in fact but accepting an apology was called for.
To make matters worse when Tanya challenged him about not actually apologising he gave her a throwaway one. They may as well have been in separate beds that night with the wall of anger that separated them.
The thing is men may know they’re wrong about something but often loathe saying they’re sorry. Years of such anecdotes lead me to believe that it is a pride thing. Men think it's enough to explain what happened, or why they did something, whatever the circumstances. But saying sorry makes them feel a bit pathetic. They see it as a weakness, not a strength.
So try if you want, once you've heard his explanation, to get a real apology but it may lead to a second fight. You’ll end up sorry you tried to squeeze that apology out of him!
An edited version of this was published in The Times
I’m excited that my new book ‘THE LAWS OF SISTERHOOD - The girlfriends’ guide to successful dating and finding the one’ is available to preorder on Amazon.
I hope you find it a unique guide that emphasises how single friends can help each other make the most of the dating scene. As well as containing a vast array of tips and techniques to help you to dating success - everything from the first date, online dating, the signals he gives out through different behaviours, and how to improve your own signals are included.
“Pam’s dating book is inspired and will make you a much more attractive and confident date” Jo Hemmings, Behavioural psychologist and author
My new book The Emotional Eater's Diet is published in the UK on May 15 - I’m very excited as I hope emotional eaters - women or men will find it helpful. Each year 2/3s of people start a diet and 20% start a new diet each month. Yet 95% of diets aren’t successful.
I firmly believe that emotional eating to soothe difficult feelings is the culprit behind most of this failure. My book has a huge range of practical tips/strategies to help understand your emotions and manage your appetite. There are mini-quizes and real case studies.
It’s available to preorder on Amazon. Please remember that food can fuel your energy needs but not your emotional needs. Take care!
I'm delighted that my latest book Sex Academy was endorsed by my fellow self-help author Siski Green who said: "Sex Academy really is THE Bible of sex books. The lessons and lectures cover the A-Z of everything you want to know - from Anal sex to getting Zero sex." I hope you enjoy it!
I was so excited and HAPPY to write this book on happiness covering my 10 unique Happiness Principles. I hope it helps increase your well-being, contentment, and happiness. I've packed it with dozens and dozens of easy-to-use strategies, plus life-changing insights. Based on about five years of collecting case studies and research I hope you'll find it helpful.
My latest sex guide's out - I've gone through thousands of questions people ask me about sex - from why they don't feel desire to how to handle a partner's kinky fetish. Here are the answers plus loads of tricks and techniques. Enjoy!
Discover the relationship between your dreams and your sex- and love-life! Go on a journey of self-discovery in this unique dream book. Case studies, a dream directory, and ‘dreamersises’ help you interpret your dreams.
My research found if a couple's been together more than one year it's unlikely you've tried any new sex tip, trick or technique for at least four months! Rescue's at hand with my 250 hottest sex tips for every aspect of your sex life.
No couple or single can be without this unique, best-selling book containing a vast range of techniques, tricks and tips to turn your lover on. From attracting someone new to recharging your old relationship, Fabulous, explores each of the sexual senses in turn!
No. 1 selling book offering you tons of fantastic sex tips PLUS a new and revolutionary ways of looking at sexual pleasure and ‘problems‘ and how they fit into a person's whole life and relationships.
No. 1 selling sex book covering everything from how your body works to infinite sex tips. The Daily Star said: 'Sinful Sex has something for everyone'
A unique parenting book giving you creative techniques to understand your child better through their dreams and nightmares. These reveal so much about a child that most parents miss out on. Strengthen your parent-child relationship, their confidence and well-being!