The Ultimate Christmas Relationship Survival Guide
Beware the Mention of the Exes...
A client, Ellen, 39, [all personal details changed for anonymity] complained that her boyfriend of three months dropped her because she had a few too many exes. When everything else was going well in their young relationship she couldn't understand what his problem was.
Ellen had many questions plus theories of your own. She wondered if maybe he wanted an ‘easy life’ and feared she might be high maintenance because she'd gone through many relationships. Of course Ellen protested she wasn’t so and there were many different reasons why her relationships had failed.
She also wondered if he might’ve been a traditionalist and felt she'd slept with too many men, or could he even have felt threatened as a lover? Ellen became quite annoyed wondering just ‘how many’ exes would’ve been too many?
It's incredible how a statement about ‘having too many exes’ can throw up so many theories as we also discussed whether he thought Ellen might simply have "poor judgement" and this might impact on their relationship.
As we discussed such reasons Ellen became more philosophical. Though we didn't settle on one particular answer as to why her exes had troubled him she’d unburdened some of her anxieties.
I also suggested that because he hadn't wanted to go into his reasons for breaking up - bar her many exes - it reflected on his inability to express himself. And that this could be taken as a lesson that a few months into a relationship some people don't feel they have to explain their reasons.
The biggest lesson of all for Ellen was that with hindsight she felt ‘less was more’ when discussing exes in future. I suggested that being selective about mentioning past relationships when she met someone new was usually a good thing as you forged a new one. After all, in the early phases of a relationship it should be about the here-and-now and you and the new person -- and not all about the past.
An edited version of this was published in The Times
My new book The Emotional Eater's Diet is published in the UK on May 15 - I’m very excited as I hope emotional eaters - women or men will find it helpful. Each year 2/3s of people start a diet and 20% start a new diet each month. Yet 95% of diets aren’t successful.
I firmly believe that emotional eating to soothe difficult feelings is the culprit behind most of this failure. My book has a huge range of practical tips/strategies to help understand your emotions and manage your appetite. There are mini-quizes and real case studies.
It’s available to preorder on Amazon. Please remember that food can fuel your energy needs but not your emotional needs. Take care!
I'm delighted that my latest book Sex Academy was endorsed by my fellow self-help author Siski Green who said: "Sex Academy really is THE Bible of sex books. The lessons and lectures cover the A-Z of everything you want to know - from Anal sex to getting Zero sex." I hope you enjoy it!
I was so excited and HAPPY to write this book on happiness covering my 10 unique Happiness Principles. I hope it helps increase your well-being, contentment, and happiness. I've packed it with dozens and dozens of easy-to-use strategies, plus life-changing insights. Based on about five years of collecting case studies and research I hope you'll find it helpful.
My latest sex guide's out - I've gone through thousands of questions people ask me about sex - from why they don't feel desire to how to handle a partner's kinky fetish. Here are the answers plus loads of tricks and techniques. Enjoy!
Discover the relationship between your dreams and your sex- and love-life! Go on a journey of self-discovery in this unique dream book. Case studies, a dream directory, and ‘dreamersises’ help you interpret your dreams.
My research found if a couple's been together more than one year it's unlikely you've tried any new sex tip, trick or technique for at least four months! Rescue's at hand with my 250 hottest sex tips for every aspect of your sex life.
No couple or single can be without this unique, best-selling book containing a vast range of techniques, tricks and tips to turn your lover on. From attracting someone new to recharging your old relationship, Fabulous, explores each of the sexual senses in turn!
No. 1 selling book offering you tons of fantastic sex tips PLUS a new and revolutionary ways of looking at sexual pleasure and ‘problems‘ and how they fit into a person's whole life and relationships.
No. 1 selling sex book covering everything from how your body works to infinite sex tips. The Daily Star said: 'Sinful Sex has something for everyone'
A unique parenting book giving you creative techniques to understand your child better through their dreams and nightmares. These reveal so much about a child that most parents miss out on. Strengthen your parent-child relationship, their confidence and well-being!