Beware of The Bully Lurking in Your Office
Too Good to be True...A friend, Jackie, 44, [all personal details changed] has been seeing, Robin, 46, who seems too good to be true. She’s looked but she hasn't found any “dark side". Yes, he has a divorce behind him but does that mean something’s wrong with him? Er... Jackie can’t claim - she's been divorced too and we think she's lovely.
So you’d think her friends would be happy she's found someone sweet and kind yet who isn't a doormat, and successful without being arrogant. He's great with her children, generous and funny. What's not to like? Unfortunately you’d be wrong thinking everyone’s happy for her as this is a case where human nature dictates that he can't be all that fantastic.
Debate’s ensued between her friends - not gossip, honestly it is debate! I'm one of the few optimists who think Jackie should enjoy things. However others keep sticking their ores in claiming no man can be that good.
Now Jackie’s in two minds - should she enjoy his lovely company or be paranoid something awful is lurking in Robin that’ll rear its ugly head?
Professional and personal experience tells me some look for trouble even where it doesn't exist. Or at least no meaningful trouble exists. I'm convinced Jackie should be happy with Robin but also acknowledge she's in the first flush of passion meaning she's ignoring potential niggles.
My advice is to enjoy something good but don't make a solid commitment until well into a relationship. That gives each partner the chance to discover differences that may need compromise over.
You'll be in a position to weigh up things that now annoy you about them with their good points you've been enjoying so far. Time also allows us to see if we communicate well when faced with a hurdle and whether our initial expectations were unrealistic.
Ultimately many WILL strike lucky and get someone that’s as good as gold. And even if they reveal something annoying, or an aspect of your growing relationship requires compromise, I hope it list you'll find it's not something too terribly bad.
So, too good to be true? No, simply true that they’re a good partner.
An edited version of this was published in The Times
My new book The Emotional Eater's Diet is published in the UK on May 15 - I’m very excited as I hope emotional eaters - women or men will find it helpful. Each year 2/3s of people start a diet and 20% start a new diet each month. Yet 95% of diets aren’t successful.
I firmly believe that emotional eating to soothe difficult feelings is the culprit behind most of this failure. My book has a huge range of practical tips/strategies to help understand your emotions and manage your appetite. There are mini-quizes and real case studies.
It’s available to preorder on Amazon. Please remember that food can fuel your energy needs but not your emotional needs. Take care!
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