Don't Let the Exam-Season Become a Disaster...Here's my advice to...
Dating Again after a Breakup...
It's got to happen sometime after the big heartbreak - you get the courage up, girlfriends push you forward and you start to date again. But there's so much that can scupper your chances to find romance when still a bit vulnerable and shaky. So it's best to be aware of the six classic post-breakup traps we fall into.
Post-breakup Trap No. 1: You'll show him!
Inside you think the best way to get back at your ex is to show him how quickly you can hook a new boyfriend. Dating for this reason usually backfires. The guy you meet gets mixed signals from you - probably because you drop mentions of your ex into your conversation too much.
How to sort it: If you simply want to get back at your ex then using another man to do so is one of the worst possible ways. In fact it can make you look a bit desperate. And you don't want that! Instead when you cross paths with your ex hold your head high, put on a confident front and just act as if life is a bed of roses.
Post-breakup Trap No. 2: You're so lonely!
You're used to having your ex's arms ‘on tap’ - they could give you cuddles after a bad day, a row with your mum or falling out with your boss. Now the lonely nights seem to stretch on for an eternity. Unfortunately looking for love when you're still feeling bags of loneliness tends to mean you'll take any old guy - even a ‘player’ that's looking for a vulnerable girl like you.
How to sort it: Rely on your friends to see you through the lonely nights. Stay away from one-night-stands that’ll make you even lonelier. Get out and try some new hobbies - take an evening class, join a gym, etc. - and even make more new friends.
Post-breakup Trap No. 3: You're feeling a bit bitter!
Men, eh? Can't trust them, they only want one thing, they're selfish, and so on. If you're breakups left you feeling this bitter then you're likely to put off new guys asking you out. They can sense such negativity a mile away. This makes you even bitterer about guys because none of them are interested in you.
How to sort it: Definitely rationalise such irrational feelings. Even if your ex broke your heart, maybe cheated on you, etc., not all men are like him. When you have such thoughts stop yourself immediately and challenge them. Think of some of the great guys you know - a guy-friend from work, your brother, your cousin, and remind yourself there are good ones out there.
Post-breakup Trap No. 4: Rose coloured spectacles!
Don't get caught up feeling there'll never be another man like your ex. Especially if you're breakup was something that couldn't be helped like he had to move abroad for the most exciting job ever, etc. Putting him on a pedestal and seeing him through rose coloured specs means you don't give that good guy who wants to ask you out a look-in.
How to sort it: Keep even that seemingly perfect ex-boyfriend in perspective. No one is perfect. Remind yourself of the times you argued or when he could be a bit difficult. Getting that perspective will get you ready to date again.
Post-breakup Trap No. 5: Being single is sad!
Some women only get their self worth through the man they have hanging on their arm. They define themselves completely by their relationships. If they're single they believe they must be a bit sad. This'll definitely come across as irrational and probably desperate to the men you're now meeting.
How to sort it: Start relishing all your good points - the things that make you, you. Think about the things your friends appreciate in you. Stop believing that you're only a worthy person if you're part of a couple. Enjoy doing things with your friends and as a single.
Post-breakup Trap No. 6: The ticking clock!
So you're at a certain age where your biological clock isn't only ticking, it's positively banging. You're very aware you need/want to have children in the next few years. This puts you at risk of making a bad choice and taking any man as long as he can give you children.
How to sort it: Date by the ‘rule of three’ - if you like someone after three dates keep seeing them. If you're not that bothered then don't waste your time. Without appearing desperate you do need to keep time on your side. Keep calm and confident and use every opportunity to meet men and keep your dating life active.
An edited version of this article was published on MSN UK Her channel
I'm very excited that my new book's available for pre-order on Amazon and should be in shops the end of April. Fellow author Siski Green says about Sex Academy - it really is THE Bible of sex books. The lessons and lectures cover the A-Z of everything you want to know - from Anal sex to getting Zero sex. Hope you enjoy it!
I was so excited and HAPPY to write this book on happiness covering my 10 unique Happiness Principles. I hope it helps increase your well-being, contentment, and happiness. I've packed it with dozens and dozens of easy-to-use strategies, plus life-changing insights. Based on about five years of collecting case studies and research I hope you'll find it helpful.
My latest sex guide's out - I've gone through thousands of questions people ask me about sex - from why they don't feel desire to how to handle a partner's kinky fetish. Here are the answers plus loads of tricks and techniques. Enjoy!
Discover the relationship between your dreams and your sex- and love-life! Go on a journey of self-discovery in this unique dream book. Case studies, a dream directory, and ‘dreamersises’ help you interpret your dreams.
My research found if a couple's been together more than one year it's unlikely you've tried any new sex tip, trick or technique for at least four months! Rescue's at hand with my 250 hottest sex tips for every aspect of your sex life.
No couple or single can be without this unique, best-selling book containing a vast range of techniques, tricks and tips to turn your lover on. From attracting someone new to recharging your old relationship, Fabulous, explores each of the sexual senses in turn!
No. 1 selling book offering you tons of fantastic sex tips PLUS a new and revolutionary ways of looking at sexual pleasure and ‘problems‘ and how they fit into a person's whole life and relationships.
No. 1 selling sex book covering everything from how your body works to infinite sex tips. The Daily Star said: 'Sinful Sex has something for everyone'
A unique parenting book giving you creative techniques to understand your child better through their dreams and nightmares. These reveal so much about a child that most parents miss out on. Strengthen your parent-child relationship, their confidence and well-being!