Title

Getting Together Again?

Affair-Proof Your Relationship

The Ultimate Christmas Relationship Survival Guide...

Understanding and Overcoming Your Pre-Wedding Jitters and On-the-day Nerves...

Getting Together Again...

Excuses at the Ready ...

How to Re-light Your Fire - And Make the Second Time around a Success!

Two People, But One-sided...

Some thoughts on people with love Plan-Bs

Passion Fatigue...

How to Walk Away from an Unhappy Relationship...

Subconscious Sabotage...

Whatever Makes You Happy...

Money does matter...

Body Image Nightmare...

Understanding and Overcoming Your Pre-Wedding Jitters and On-the-day Nerves –

Age-gap anxiety...

Friends Connected at the Hip & Dating...

Marriage SOS...

Dating Again after a Breakup...

Laughed straight between the sheets....

Too Good to be True...

Beware the Mention of the Exes...

Murder on the Dance Floor....

Lusting after Another Love...

The Rise of the Plan B Pact...

How Romance Can Be like Extracting Teeth...

Credit Crunch Couples...

Christmas time advice for struggling couples...

Third-Party Interference...

Opposites That Don't Attract...

The Female Self-Destruct Button

The Convenience of Compartments...

Unlikely Apologies...

Masculine Confidences

The Chill Look of Contempt...

He/She Isn't the Person That I Settled Down With....

Dating at a Distance...

The Imperfect Perfectionists...

Why He Doesn't Ring When He Says He Will...

The Curse Of The Competitive Couples...

It Seemed So Right, Now It’s So Wrong....

I married my mother...

Never Under-estimate a GSOH...

Don't Get Too Comfortable...

Why Not Indulge Him?

Bickering Versus A Good Old Barney....

Pre-Wedding Jitters? Join the Crowd...

Do They Really Mean It?

Never Underestimate The Power Of Affection And Touch ...

The Facts About Flirtatious Behaviour...

He Has A Nose Like Groucho Marx

What Do We Lose When We Gain A New Lover?

When your partner reflects on you...

How to Get Things Started When You Meet Someone New

Advice for struggling couples:...

A Guide to Having A Happy Engagement ...

Use the days between Xmas and New Year to recharge your relationship

How to Get Back into the Dating Game

Whose Chat-up Line Is It Anyway?

10 Steps to Overcome the Green Eyed Monster

How Love Unrequited Links so Many of Our Hearts

How to Breakup Amicably...

Beware of the Love Pirates...Here is a warning about the lads who will capture your heart

Love is in the air - seven signs that say he's attracted to you!

The Best Dating Tips Ever...

Whirlwind Weddings – Too Much, Too Soon!

Adultery and betrayal, here are some things you might want to consider

Does Your Relationship Need Resuscitation? Welcome to the crowd...

Has Your Man Disappeared into His Communication ‘Cave’?

Kissing tips that work!

When the Internet Comes between You

Bridge That Glaring Age Gap

The Ultimate Couple's Communication Guide

QUIZ: What's Your Love Profile?

Try these love challenges (1)

Understanding Men

A Few Points About Some Male Personality Types -

Try these love challenges (2)

Become An Action Woman To Find Love

Try these love challenges (3)

Single Women - Personal Growth

Try these love challenges (4)

"Couple time" at the weekend is crucial!

When You and Mr Right Want Different Things

Relationship damage-limitation: quick fix communication tips -

The three tell tale signs you aren't quite over your ex

Some points about men who might give you "mad cow disease"

A Few Thoughts on Successful Relationships

Five Top Tips for Long Distance Relationships

Notes on when to talk about BABIES -

The Stages of Relationships

A few top communication tips!

Dating after a break-up

Keeping positive when you want to start dating again!

Finding love and fun on holiday!

When you "down date"

Dating "firsts"

Beware - the problems with Internet dating!

First dates - some dos and don'ts!

More thoughts on first dates!

Some top dating tips!

Couples - put your relationship through an MOT!

Top speed dating tips!

The key to looking interested not desperate when dating!

My Thoughts on Pre-Marital Counselling

Do You Recognise Yourself in These Romantic Profiles?

Making Compromises or Being under Someone's Thumb?

Some Thoughts on Adolescent Relationship Worries

A Few Thoughts on Broken Hearts

When He Pays Too Much Attention to TV, Computer Games or gadgets!

Are You Staying with Him or Her Because of Your Lifestyle?

Some Questions And Things Men Wonder/Worry About

From platonic relationship, to one night stand, to affair

An Affair Doesn't Necessarily Spell The End

Nine Things You Should Never Say To Your New Love!

Get Some Va Va Va-voom for Valentines!

What Happened To The Innocence Of Valentine's?

QUIZ: What Every Woman Who Wants To Marry Should Know!

Christmas-proof Your Relationship For The Fraught Holiday Season!

Why Mismatched Couples Should Beware!

You Can Get Out Of An Abusive Or Violent Relationship!

Just How Manly A Man Do You Want?

Understanding The McCartney's War Of Words When They Divorced

Toy Boys - The Latest Celebrity Girls’ Fashion Accessory

What's the real meaning behind his Valentine's gift to you?

Guys - some top tips for buying her a fabulous present!

Stop Worrying About Your Wedding! Beat those wedding-day nerves!

Dating tips for MEN - The Secrets Of Her Body Language

Dating tips for MEN - Your First Date, First Phone Call and First Kiss

Dating tips for MEN - Surefire Ways and Where to Meet Women

Dating tips for MEN - Don't Be a Romantic Loser

Dating tips for WOMEN - Capturing His Attention

Dating tips for WOMEN - What to Do When Things Go Wrong

Dating tips for WOMEN - The Wise Woman's Guide to The Art of Flirting

Dating tips for WOMEN - Love at First Sight

Thoughts on Why Infidelity Is on the Rise

Four Fabulous Steps To Improve Your Relationship!

MEN: You behaved badly - what to do!

Suspect He's Cheating?

Seven Secrets of Successful Long-Distance Relationships

Find Love For Valentine's Day!

QUIZ: Is It Love or Is It Lust?

How To Decipher Male- Versus Female-Speak

QUIZ: Are You A Man's Woman Or A Woman's Woman?

How Marriage Changes Through The Decades

Relationship Guaranteed: 10 Little Tricks To Stay Together

Marriage SOS – Seven steps to save your relationship!

QUIZ: Are You Marrying For The Right Reasons?

The Great Matchmaker Guide

Prevent A Mid-Life Crisis In Your Marriage

The Millisecond Marriages – Too Much, Too Soon!

Money, Men And You

Why Do You Have Repeated Relationship Failures?

Are You Too Needy In Relationships?

The Unique And Quirky Guide To Finding Love In The New Year!

The Nine Signs of a Non-committer

Eight Things You Should Never Say To Your Partner

Has Your Relationship Suffered Over Summer?

The Ten-Minute Window in Relationships

Prevent an Affair!

The Secrets of Seduction

A Warning Call To The Lonely And Single Generation!

QUIZ: How Likely Are You To Have An Affair?

QUIZ: How Insecure Is Your Love?

Could He Be A Natural-Born Cheat?

QUIZ: How Well Do You Know Your Man?

Seven Secrets of Successful Long-Distance Relationships

The New Dating Dilemmas - And How To Cope With Them

The Deal Breakers That Threaten Your Relationship

QUIZ: Don't Ditch Your Relationship Too Soon!

Warning - Divorce Is Dangerous To Your Health!

The Fabulous Flirt Guide

QUIZ: Great EX-pectations - Is Your Ex Jeopardising Your Relationship?

QUIZ: Harness Those Wedding Day Doubts And Nerves

QUIZ: Are You Still Haunted By The Ghost Of Your Ex?

Beware - Your Broken Heart Should Come With A Health Warning!

Heal Your Xmas Holiday Break-up!

A QUICKIE FOR YOU: My top five tips for a long relationship

Some crucial tips to avoid money related arguments!

Top Relationship Tips For Preventing Christmas Stress

Couples: Be careful what you bicker about

QUIZ: Are You Bored To Tears With Your Relationship?

Separated But Still Under The Same Roof!

Six Signs Your First Date Could Signal Love!

The Seven Deadly Signs Your Relationship Is In Trouble

Seven Ways to His Heart You Probably Haven't Thought Of!

QUIZ: The Great Guide To Having A Second Go!

Find Love In A Few Weeks!

Story

Marriage SOS...

22/05/2012

Marriage SOS...Recent research has found that increasingly people long to get married and once married they want to stay that way. In the unsettled times we live in, couples want to develop staying power rather than giving up at the first hurdle.

If you're on the verge of kicking your marriage into touch, take a deep breath, put your best foot forward, dig deep and get back on course with these seven steps:

SOS Step 1 - The Geneva Convention

It may’ve felt like WW3 in your household recently with the cruel jibes and shouted comments targeted with missile-seeking precision to hit their target. So far, so bad! It's time to agree certain ground rules. These should include: stating that you’ll remove yourself from the room if your partner starts shouting, and likewise that you expect them to remove themselves if you let rip! Make an agreement to let each other speak uninterrupted for three minutes at a time, sticking to one issue at a time, and using an egg timer if necessary. Agree that targeting each other's weaknesses plays no part in sorting out your problems - after all it's easy to ridicule your partner’s receding hairline or lack of promotion but that's the quick way to the divorce court.

SOS Step 2 - Take a Breather

Constantly going over the same old ground can wear down any feelings of affection, and this destroys any chance of salvaging things. It's exhausting and can drain any sense of hope that either of you may’ve been harbouring. You begin to think, "What’s worth saving?" Definitely agree a moratorium on arguments and any discussions of your issues for one week. Instead talk about everything besides the things you argue over. At best you might discover you can still have a conversation about something positive or pleasant. At worst you've had a break from the arguing even if it starts again.

SOS Step 3 - Flag-up The Positives

If you've managed to take a breather - and you should try again if it broke down the first time - this serves as a positive platform to start reminding yourselves of why you got together in the first place. There would’ve been positive reasons for falling in love - traits you admired in each other, having the same interests, etc. Hopefully there will be something of these positives left between you. They might’ve been buried under arguments but if they're allowed to see the light of day they might just flourish again. Think about these things daily and find the courage to mention them to your partner. You may be the first one to take this step, leaving you feeling quite vulnerable, but it's worth it.

SOS Step 4 - Go Back to Love-School

It's time to relearn the way you behave to your partner and change the way you speak to them. Would you behave or speak to them in the first year of your relationship, the way you do now? I'm sure it's a resounding No! You've undoubtedly lost the kindness, gentleness and loving way you treated them throughout the years you've spent together. This is the perfect time to surprise them with kinder and more loving treatment. Begin by softening the tone you use when speaking to them. Remove any crankiness and snappiness. Also show some loving behaviour like doing small favours for them and being considerate. You'd be surprised how most partners will react positively and start returning such loving behaviour.

SOS Step 5 - Clean up Your Language

One big mistake couples make, as their relationship goes downhill, is to throw in the "D" word in arguments. If you've mentioned divorce, stop mentioning it now. Relationship research shows that when you repeatedly plant the seed of divorce, your partner starts to see it as an option rather than trying harder to save your relationship. Apart from the "D" word start cleaning up your language generally. Stop yourself from making below-the-belt comments that you know hurt your partner's feelings.

SOS Step 6 - Take Responsibility

Throughout these steps it's important to start taking responsibility for your share of what’s happened to your relationship. It can’t be all your partner's fault that things have gone wrong. You may well have accused them of destroying things but it's never too late to hold your hands up to any bad behaviour on your part. Saying a genuine "sorry" can go a very long way to healing things.

SOS Step 7 - Love Is in the Air

If you've tried these various steps, and hopefully had some success with them, it may be time to rekindle a bit of passion. It's the rare couple that hangs onto any semblance of a sex life when their relationship has been plummeting downhill. Start with simple affection like squeezing their hand when they say something nice to you. Then add in goodbye and hello kisses at each end of the day. Begin to cuddle up with them on the sofa again. Then make your intentions known by telling them you'd love to rekindle things between the sheets.

To find your nearest Relate ring 0300 100 1234

An edited version of this article was published in the Express newspaper