The Ultimate Christmas Relationship Survival Guide
Harness Those Wedding Day Doubts And Nerves
Here are my thoughts on the six secret pre-wedding worries
Give me a bride-to-be who says she doesn't have one shred of doubt and I'll give you one who’s fibbing. No matter how deeply in love it’s completely natural to have little niggles about the big day - and all those happy-ever-after years. This is, after all, one of the biggest decisions of your life. Some doubts mean you're thinking things through and that's a positive approach to married life.
Take my quick quiz to determine if any of the most common, six secret, pre-wedding doubts are out of control. Select the answer best matching your agreement/disagreement with each statement:
1/ We already disagree about certain things -I fear this’ll get worse
2/ I worry we’ve rushed into getting married
3/I fear he’ll change for the worse after the wedding
4/I feel nervous our families won't get along or make too many demands on us
5/I'm anxious we might get bored with each other
6/ I worry that we'll lose the romance
The six secret doubts most likely to trouble brides-to-be are: worries that disagreements will worsen after the wedding, that you're rushing it, that he'll change for the worse, your families will cause you problems, you'll get bored, and/or romance will go out the window. Check out where you stand:
Mainly A answers: Chilled out
Lucky for you, nerves aren't a problem. This probably means you face things head-on with your fiance and don't sweep things under the carpet. It's a good idea to check out the suggestions below as a preventive measure.
Mainly B answers: Niggling Nerves
You've obviously got some nerves and these may be completely natural. However, if they're likely to spin out of control, or signal a real danger area, definitely check out the advice below.
Mainly C answers: High Anxiety
Anxieties and nerves are jangling out of control and you risk future happiness by not facing them now. Here's how to tackle those six secret doubts:
Secret Doubt One: tackle present disagreements you worry will get worse now, but calmly. Wedding Jumping in the deep end to sort all such problems out won’t help in the wedding run-up. Make a priority list of things you argue about. What can you do to improve them? Taking responsibility for your part shows amazing goodwill and that you want your relationship, pre-and post-wedding, to be strong. Listen to him and only make practical/do-able suggestions of what he can do.
Secret Doubt Two: out-of-control feelings that you might be rushing things are common when couples have been together less than two years. Work out if this is about pressure from him or simply a natural self-questioning about the speed of things. You need to deal with it if he wanted to rush tying the knot. Best to let him know about these feelings but with huge amounts of tact. No need for either of you to panic as such nerves may be solved simply by confronting them or by making a practical decision to postpone plans if needs be.
Secret Doubt Three: do you fear annoying/irritating little things he does will annoy you more or get worse after marriage? You might worry he'll then care even less about being on good behaviour. Begin with self-examination - do you do annoying little things that might get on his nerves? Of course you do - we all do. And do you plan on letting these worsen after the wedding? I hope not! And he probably doesn't either. Ignore the habits that don't matter and approach positively the things you really wish he’d change. Always compliment/praise any signs he's changing such things.
Secret Doubt Four: it's only natural to feel little niggles with each other's families so don't let pre-wedding nerves blow such things out of proportion. A few key rules should put paid to such worries. Never criticise his family - as you wouldn't want him to criticise yours. Always play fair and spend equal time with each other's families. And stand united if any family member - his or yours - interferes or stirs things up.
Secret Doubt Five: pre-wedding worries about getting bored, over the years to come, are common. But as my late-mother used to say, "Only boring people get bored," so it's really up to you to keep interested in life. Chat with him regularly about going new places and trying new things.
Secret Doubt Six: the fear that romance will nosedive after the wedding are well-founded because people simply can't stay in that golden honeymoon phase where they can't keep their hands off each other. The key is to raise such concerns and tell your fiancé that you hope you two don't let the romance died completely. Also ask for honesty and that you want him to let you know if he feels neglected in any way.
Published in The Express Newspaper
My new book The Emotional Eater's Diet is published in the UK on May 15 - I’m very excited as I hope emotional eaters - women or men will find it helpful. Each year 2/3s of people start a diet and 20% start a new diet each month. Yet 95% of diets aren’t successful.
I firmly believe that emotional eating to soothe difficult feelings is the culprit behind most of this failure. My book has a huge range of practical tips/strategies to help understand your emotions and manage your appetite. There are mini-quizes and real case studies.
It’s available to preorder on Amazon. Please remember that food can fuel your energy needs but not your emotional needs. Take care!
I'm delighted that my latest book Sex Academy was endorsed by my fellow self-help author Siski Green who said: "Sex Academy really is THE Bible of sex books. The lessons and lectures cover the A-Z of everything you want to know - from Anal sex to getting Zero sex." I hope you enjoy it!
I was so excited and HAPPY to write this book on happiness covering my 10 unique Happiness Principles. I hope it helps increase your well-being, contentment, and happiness. I've packed it with dozens and dozens of easy-to-use strategies, plus life-changing insights. Based on about five years of collecting case studies and research I hope you'll find it helpful.
My latest sex guide's out - I've gone through thousands of questions people ask me about sex - from why they don't feel desire to how to handle a partner's kinky fetish. Here are the answers plus loads of tricks and techniques. Enjoy!
Discover the relationship between your dreams and your sex- and love-life! Go on a journey of self-discovery in this unique dream book. Case studies, a dream directory, and ‘dreamersises’ help you interpret your dreams.
My research found if a couple's been together more than one year it's unlikely you've tried any new sex tip, trick or technique for at least four months! Rescue's at hand with my 250 hottest sex tips for every aspect of your sex life.
No couple or single can be without this unique, best-selling book containing a vast range of techniques, tricks and tips to turn your lover on. From attracting someone new to recharging your old relationship, Fabulous, explores each of the sexual senses in turn!
No. 1 selling book offering you tons of fantastic sex tips PLUS a new and revolutionary ways of looking at sexual pleasure and ‘problems‘ and how they fit into a person's whole life and relationships.
No. 1 selling sex book covering everything from how your body works to infinite sex tips. The Daily Star said: 'Sinful Sex has something for everyone'
A unique parenting book giving you creative techniques to understand your child better through their dreams and nightmares. These reveal so much about a child that most parents miss out on. Strengthen your parent-child relationship, their confidence and well-being!