Is Stress Actually Stressing You Out?...Tackle the strain of...
Boost Your Child's Confidence With Seven Surefire Suggestions!
Here's help for parents with this perennial problem
Having researched child behaviour I'm frequently asked by parents how they can help their children be confident in our stressful and challenging world. Here are my seven top suggestions:
1/ Never Compare!
When your child’s misbehaving, not doing their schoolwork, etc., it's tempting to compare them to a sibling. Saying, "your brother never acts like that," or, "your sister does what she's told," never helps the situation. What do such comments do? They cause sibling rivalry and damage your child's confidence. They feel they can’t live up to their sibling in your eyes. Parents even do this when they only have one child and compare their child unfavourably to, say, their best friend or their cousin. Again, this makes your child feel that they're not "as good as" others. Instead deal with such situations in terms of your child and what they may, or may not, be doing.
2/ Cherish Their Uniqueness!
It's easy to forget in the whirlwind of daily life - chores, work, schoolwork, etc. - that you have a unique little person in your midst. They have their own personality, feelings, and beliefs starting to form. It only takes a few moments to cherish who they are. Ask what they think about the programme you've watched together. Find out who their favourite teacher is - and why. Get them to describe their happiest moment from the day. And in the morning over breakfast ask them about any exciting dreams or frightening nightmares as these reveal much about what they're feeling. You learn so much about their uniqueness by listening. An important spin-off means you won't try to force them to live your dreams - instead you’ll encourage them to live theirs.
3/ Demonstrative Love!
More than anything children need love. The pitfall is many parents assume their child knows they’re loved. Don’t assume - tell and show them frequently. Their confidence thrives on lots of affection and attention. That's very different to spoiling them with material things. When it comes to discipline it's incredibly damaging to mix up your "love" with discipline. It's tempting when angry to say you "won't love them anymore if they don't behave". But to a child it's frightening to think your love depends on how they behave. They may get anxious about putting even a toe out of place.
4/ The Right Kind of Discipline!
I coined the term "flexible firmness" when trying to get parents to consider the overall “feel” to discipline. Flexible firmness means there are certain standards you expect, and household rules to live by, but occasionally you might need some flexibility. Say, their favourite uncle arrives on a school-night and they plead to stay up later. This sort of occasion means bedtime can be relaxed while clearly telling them it’s an exception. Discipline and boundaries show children you care and want to generate mutual respect between family members. This in turn gives them confidence. They know where they stand with you. Many parents fear their children won't "love them" if they set boundaries but this isn't the case. Consistency is also important so they know you mean when you say. If you say you'll ban television that evening if they don't do their schoolwork, then do so. It also means you spell out what you expect of their behaviour and helping with chores, and the consequences if they misbehave.
5/ Don't Forget the Fun!
Laughter, games, jokes and fun are crucial to your child's confidence. As so many parents are under stress they often without realising it allow that to pervade their household. Children are like emotional sponges and they'll pick up on your stresses and strains - very damaging to confidence. It's important to find light-hearted moments when, say, fixing supper, at the weekend, in the evenings, at bath times, etc. Laughter is a fantastic medicine for modern family life and no single day should pass without some happiness in your lives.
6/ Find Solutions Together!
Problem-solving skills will set your child up for life. Many parents neglect this area usually because they’re time-short. In the hustle and bustle of home-life it’s "easier" for parents to solve problems around the house. Instead get creative and enlist your child in age-appropriate ways to find solutions to challenges. This definitely helps them develop confidence to face what life throws at them. By doing this you also avoid over-dramatising situations - where you act like things are overwhelming and can't be solved. Instead you demonstrate how to face a situation calmly and with confidence to find a solution.
7/ You As Their Role Model!
You influence your child in so many ways you can't imagine. Think of it this way - whatever you say or however you act they definitely notice and may well absorb the “message” you give. If you complain about your life every day after work they'll wonder why you seem unable to change your unhappiness. If you drone on about wishing you had a bigger home like your best friend’s or better holidays like your neighbour takes, they'll absorb your envy and think their life isn't good enough. Demonstrate that you’re thankful for what you have - particularly having them! And don't allow them to feel that your lives are second rate.
Published in The Express Newspaper
I’m excited that my new book ‘THE LAWS OF SISTERHOOD - The girlfriends’ guide to successful dating and finding the one’ is available to preorder on Amazon.
I hope you find it a unique guide that emphasises how single friends can help each other make the most of the dating scene. As well as containing a vast array of tips and techniques to help you to dating success - everything from the first date, online dating, the signals he gives out through different behaviours, and how to improve your own signals are included.
“Pam’s dating book is inspired and will make you a much more attractive and confident date” Jo Hemmings, Behavioural psychologist and author
My new book The Emotional Eater's Diet is published in the UK on May 15 - I’m very excited as I hope emotional eaters - women or men will find it helpful. Each year 2/3s of people start a diet and 20% start a new diet each month. Yet 95% of diets aren’t successful.
I firmly believe that emotional eating to soothe difficult feelings is the culprit behind most of this failure. My book has a huge range of practical tips/strategies to help understand your emotions and manage your appetite. There are mini-quizes and real case studies.
It’s available to preorder on Amazon. Please remember that food can fuel your energy needs but not your emotional needs. Take care!
I'm delighted that my latest book Sex Academy was endorsed by my fellow self-help author Siski Green who said: "Sex Academy really is THE Bible of sex books. The lessons and lectures cover the A-Z of everything you want to know - from Anal sex to getting Zero sex." I hope you enjoy it!
I was so excited and HAPPY to write this book on happiness covering my 10 unique Happiness Principles. I hope it helps increase your well-being, contentment, and happiness. I've packed it with dozens and dozens of easy-to-use strategies, plus life-changing insights. Based on about five years of collecting case studies and research I hope you'll find it helpful.
My latest sex guide's out - I've gone through thousands of questions people ask me about sex - from why they don't feel desire to how to handle a partner's kinky fetish. Here are the answers plus loads of tricks and techniques. Enjoy!
Discover the relationship between your dreams and your sex- and love-life! Go on a journey of self-discovery in this unique dream book. Case studies, a dream directory, and ‘dreamersises’ help you interpret your dreams.
My research found if a couple's been together more than one year it's unlikely you've tried any new sex tip, trick or technique for at least four months! Rescue's at hand with my 250 hottest sex tips for every aspect of your sex life.
No couple or single can be without this unique, best-selling book containing a vast range of techniques, tricks and tips to turn your lover on. From attracting someone new to recharging your old relationship, Fabulous, explores each of the sexual senses in turn!
No. 1 selling book offering you tons of fantastic sex tips PLUS a new and revolutionary ways of looking at sexual pleasure and ‘problems‘ and how they fit into a person's whole life and relationships.
No. 1 selling sex book covering everything from how your body works to infinite sex tips. The Daily Star said: 'Sinful Sex has something for everyone'
A unique parenting book giving you creative techniques to understand your child better through their dreams and nightmares. These reveal so much about a child that most parents miss out on. Strengthen your parent-child relationship, their confidence and well-being!