Squaring up to Your Shynes...
If you suffer with shyness...
The big thrill in having al fresco sex! Q & A
* What's the big thrill in having sex in an unusual place? Do people secretly want to be caught - or does passion just take over?
The thrill lies in the possibility of getting caught and feeling you’re inventive enough to push boundaries. For some couples it’s also about flaunting that they’ve got a hot sex life. Such couples want to be spotted which heightens the excitement. They choose places where they’re more likely to be spotted, e.g., in a public park, in the grounds of a hotel, in their own back garden which is overlooked, a conference room at work, or a beauty spot in hot weather so people are likely to be around. They’ll even have sex outside a night-club or in a dark corner of a club. For some couples there’s an element of going where no one else has dared try. One of the weirdest places I’ve been told about was a couple who had sex in a cemetery!
* Can adventurous sex, such as this, boost your love life - ie, is it a good tactic to use if things are getting a little boring in the bedroom, or will you just encounter the same (or new!) problems somewhere else?
Just talking about adventurous sex can help a couple bond at a more intimate level. As long as neither feels threatened by such talk it shows they both care and want to liven things up. It can also be a good giggle even if they don’t end up having sex in the places they dream up. Because we read about adventurous sex, and as humans we’re naturally competitive it’s become a modern badge of your sexual prowess as a couple to say, ‘Oh we’ve been there and done that!’
* Can fantasising about adventurous sex be just as good as the real thing?
A good compromise is fantasising about what sort of al fresco sex you could get up to. Take turns suggesting the twists and turns in the fantasy. It’s exciting for you both to hear where/what the other would suggest. Most people have one adventurous sex story and if they don’t they’ll pretend they’ve tried it! So don’t feel the pressure to actually do something you’re uncomfortable with if a bit of fantasy-chat feels safer and yet still sexy to you.
* Why the rise in al fresco sex?
What was once seen as daring sex-ploits would now be considered run-of-the-mill. If you haven’t shagged outside then people assume your sex life is one big bore. Practically everyone has one al fresco sex story and if they don’t they’ll pretend they’ve tried it. Because we’re so hung up about having adventurous sex, and one-upmanship, it’s become a modern badge of your sexual prowess to say you’ve done it somewhere daring.
The thrill is of course all about the possibility of getting caught. But for some it’s also about flaunting what they’re up to. They want to be seen which is part of the excitement. They choose places they’re likely to be spotted – in a park, in their back garden where they know they’re overlooked, the conference room at work, at a beauty spot in good weather so others are likely to be around, outside a night-club or even in the corner of a night-club. There’s also an element of going where no other has been so people will look for the weirdest places to have sex – one of the oddest I’ve been told about was in a cemetery!
My top tips for going al fresco:
If you want a successful al fresco sex experience take along one cushion to pad out any tender body part (e.g. buttocks) that may have to press against, e.g., a stone wall. Bring sun cream for any under-exposed body area that may see the light of day – again, buttocks! A large blanket or beach towel for ‘country loving’ can not only protect you from scratchy grass/foliage but can be whipped around you at the sound of a farmer’s tractor. Don’t just put a car in gear for a front/back seat quickie – ensure it’s switched off! If you get carried away when you’re not expecting it stop if you don’t have protection with you. Remember it’s against the law to have sex in a public place that is not always that easily definable – so be discreet!
I’m excited that my new book ‘THE LAWS OF SISTERHOOD - The girlfriends’ guide to successful dating and finding the one’ is available to preorder on Amazon.
I hope you find it a unique guide that emphasises how single friends can help each other make the most of the dating scene. As well as containing a vast array of tips and techniques to help you to dating success - everything from the first date, online dating, the signals he gives out through different behaviours, and how to improve your own signals are included.
“Pam’s dating book is inspired and will make you a much more attractive and confident date” Jo Hemmings, Behavioural psychologist and author
My new book The Emotional Eater's Diet is published in the UK on May 15 - I’m very excited as I hope emotional eaters - women or men will find it helpful. Each year 2/3s of people start a diet and 20% start a new diet each month. Yet 95% of diets aren’t successful.
I firmly believe that emotional eating to soothe difficult feelings is the culprit behind most of this failure. My book has a huge range of practical tips/strategies to help understand your emotions and manage your appetite. There are mini-quizes and real case studies.
It’s available to preorder on Amazon. Please remember that food can fuel your energy needs but not your emotional needs. Take care!
I'm delighted that my latest book Sex Academy was endorsed by my fellow self-help author Siski Green who said: "Sex Academy really is THE Bible of sex books. The lessons and lectures cover the A-Z of everything you want to know - from Anal sex to getting Zero sex." I hope you enjoy it!
I was so excited and HAPPY to write this book on happiness covering my 10 unique Happiness Principles. I hope it helps increase your well-being, contentment, and happiness. I've packed it with dozens and dozens of easy-to-use strategies, plus life-changing insights. Based on about five years of collecting case studies and research I hope you'll find it helpful.
My latest sex guide's out - I've gone through thousands of questions people ask me about sex - from why they don't feel desire to how to handle a partner's kinky fetish. Here are the answers plus loads of tricks and techniques. Enjoy!
Discover the relationship between your dreams and your sex- and love-life! Go on a journey of self-discovery in this unique dream book. Case studies, a dream directory, and ‘dreamersises’ help you interpret your dreams.
My research found if a couple's been together more than one year it's unlikely you've tried any new sex tip, trick or technique for at least four months! Rescue's at hand with my 250 hottest sex tips for every aspect of your sex life.
No couple or single can be without this unique, best-selling book containing a vast range of techniques, tricks and tips to turn your lover on. From attracting someone new to recharging your old relationship, Fabulous, explores each of the sexual senses in turn!
No. 1 selling book offering you tons of fantastic sex tips PLUS a new and revolutionary ways of looking at sexual pleasure and ‘problems‘ and how they fit into a person's whole life and relationships.
No. 1 selling sex book covering everything from how your body works to infinite sex tips. The Daily Star said: 'Sinful Sex has something for everyone'
A unique parenting book giving you creative techniques to understand your child better through their dreams and nightmares. These reveal so much about a child that most parents miss out on. Strengthen your parent-child relationship, their confidence and well-being!